Japan Part 5 - Last Day in Tokyo (Hammer Time!)

We woke up slightly hungover after our night out at Lock Up. I had a few watered downed beers at Lock Up - but our hotel room was overheated (due to our stupidity - we had left the heater set at 26 Degrees).

After packing up all of our stuff - we headed down to the hotel lobby - where we were confronted by the staff member who suffered from PBS or Personality Bybass Syndrome. He was hardly communicative - but he spoke Engrish (wasn't Japanese - rather he was African) so he didn't have much of an excuse (unless he spoke Swahili?!). It was sort of strange because there was a Japanese girl who worked the front counter and was super polite and friendly (in true japanese form) - so the service at the hostel was very variable.

We ventured out to Ueno station for a repeat breakfast at "Andersens". If I didn't mention it before - the first time we traveled to Japan - we ate at the same bakery where we almost had an international incident.... Ant put some "burnable" trash in the "non-burnable" trash can. About 5 seconds after he did this - a store attendant put on some big white gloves and pulled Ant's rubbish out of the wrong bin - and into the right bin.

Japan has all sorts of bins - stuff for foodscraps and paper (aka "burnables"), stuff for metal cans and bottles, etc etc. Japan doesn't really recycle any of this stuff (to my knowledge) - I think it combusts all the garbage - and some garbage needs to be combusted at a hotter temperature (ie: bottles and cans). Very environmentally friendly... I'm not sure why they signed the whole Kyoto Treaty in Japan - because when I think of Japan and the environment - I think of burning recyclable rubbish and killing Minki Whales. :-(

After breakfast - we explored outside the station at Ueno (where the map says "Vital town where you feel history and culture"). We wandered down all of the Pichinko alleys which make Pokie Clubs back in Australia look really dull and zombie like. They all have big manga style posters and pumping "Ridge Racer" style music. According to our guide (aka Rough Guide to Tokyo - which is very rough especially when it comes to the maps) - Pachinko is a little bit of skill and a whole lot of luck. You buy balls and are supposed to get them in the right holes to win prizes (as it is illegal to win money). But the law turns a blind eye to the whole "trading Pachinko prizes for cash" trade which happens just nearby every Pachinko Parlor. Another interesting tit-bit about Pachinko - is that there are a lot of North Korean companies backing Pachinko Parlors...

Ueno had a bit of a cheap shoes district going on - but unfortunately - Ant and I have "big fat western feet". I searched for an hour to find a pair of shoes that would fit - but I was a whole two sizes bigger than the biggest pair we could find in Tokyo. Although shoe buying for Westerns is a little tough in Japan - you can still buy t-shirts and clothes. Even if there is fat japanese - they have generally small feet (As those south park Japanese would say - "...our penises are soooo small... You americans have such large penises - soo large...").

On our way to Ikebukuro (the place where Lock Up was - and there were heaps of malls to check out) - we stopped at the Tokyo Dome City- a huge egg like baseball stadium built in the middle of the city. Right next door was a big shopping centre/theme park which housed the "Thunder Dolphin" - a huge old-school rollercoaster (eg: one of the non-upside down variety)... Even though it didn't go upside down - it was massively tall and went through the side of the shopping centre building (just for kicks). I couldn't say no - even to the 1000Yen entrance price... Ant did. In the line - they were playing a couple of crazy safety videos - where you are not allowed to chew on gum or candy on the ride... The overzealous ride attendants asked me to empty my pockets as it was dangerous to have things in them. I pulled out a bunch of tissues - and looked at them stewpidified... the woman said - put it in the locker... The ride itself was really cool - especially the big f### off drop which was almost vertical and very sweeet (although my face almost froze off where it was semi-sleeting/raining).

We checked a huge number of big department stores in Ikebukuro - unfortunately - Ant didn't buy one damn thing (and were wandering around them for about 2 hours!!). Ant is watching me whilst I'm typing it and was showing me his disappointment and saying this is blasphemy- but he can't hide from the "big FOX FACTS!!".

We headed to Shibuya in our never ending quest to get Ant some clothes but unfortunately - we didn't get anything (other than a local baseball t-shirt). Because it was cold and raining and we were hungry - we decided to have lunch at a karaoke Box (during the middle of the day). The pre 7pm rates for Karaoke was about a 1/5 of the rates after 7pm.... (excellent bargain in my accountant books). We had a couple of hours - some highlights - me singing the Beastie Boys "Ch-Check it out" (full of the MF words) and Duran Duran (where I scored my highest score) according to the Karaoke machine) and both of us singing Bon Jovi - "It's My Life" (whilst Ant was imitating the exercise instructors at Deakin Health Spa going "Woooh... You can push it! Push it up a notch... WooooH!") and "I will always love you" (vomit). Low lights was me murdering MC Hammer U Can't Touch This and us both murdering Paula Abdul "Opposites Attract". When you murder a song which had been originally murdered by the original artists - it is truly gawd awful.

The rest of our night was planned by my brother - this usually means crazy plans and dissorganisation. We were going to travel out to my brother's girlfriends folks place out in Mabashi (which is the Campbelltown of Tokyo). Because we spent soo long at Karaoke and attempted shoe-shopping - we had to catch the outbound trains during rush hour... which was bad. Add some big backpacks and skis to the mix and you have a recipe for pain and suffering. When the first metro train pulled up at our station - we were too scared to get on. The train was absolutely packed to the brim full of people. Ant thought maybe we should wait for the next train to turn up (which isn't a huge problem as there are trains every 5 mins at every stop - unlike $hitty rail in Sydney). Unfortunately - the next train was probably even fuller - so we just had to "bum rush" the train and push. I got on first - Ant barely made it before the train doors viciously shut on us. The next 8 minutes were the most painful in my life - I had my backpack on but my back was arched backwards - so the bag was effectively pulling me down towards the ground. Chirosville. Luckily - our next train ride (our first JR train trip this holiday) was not soo packed and it was mostly comfortable - except for the woman whose face was bashed by Ant swinging around with his bag still on.

We were met at the Mabashi train station by Taeko (my brother's girlfriend) and her brother. We were taken around to her parent's place. Taeko's brother's girlfriend was also there, so was Taeko's sister and her husband and her niece and nephew and auntie and us. They were all extremely friendly (and I think they were very keen to meet me after such a long time). They offered us beer and Japanese strawberries. We were a bit reluctant about being offered strawberries as the prices of a punnett of strawberries in a Tokyo department store was about $20AUD each. They assured us that these were cheaper - so we graciously accepted.

We all hop-footed it to a local "beef BBQ" restaurant (aka the deal where you cook your own food on a hotplate in the table a la "Lost In Translation"). The reasoning behind this was because they knew that Ant hated fish (otherwise we would have had seafood). My brother arrived - complete with my parents who were escorted from Naritia after just arriving in Japan (my brother's crazy plans). The meal was "interesting" - and I had cow's tongue for the first time which was "chewy". Ant was commenting that Taeko's niece had been well behaved considering we had been there for ages... When Ant said this - she started to "kiddy cabin fever" and started to run around and scream.

Our next stop was the Hibiscus Hotel (aka the local "love hotel"). If you don't know what a love hotel is - well you either "rest" or "stay". The rest rates are by the hour and you can stay (only after 10pm). Japanese kids tend to stay at home for a long time (mid twenties to thirties) and Japanese walls are paper-thin - so people tend to do the dirty at hotels instead. Love Hotels are everywhere and are usually themed (Hello Kitty rooms, Racing Car rooms, Dungeon rooms). They are all pretty "klassy" with a "k" and are reasonably priced - they are cheaper than a hostel room but of a 4-5 star quality.

The Hibiscus Hotel was in the style of a cheesy Hawaiian themed 50's style hotel. Unfortunately - Taeko and Taeko's dad scoped out the hotel for us and came back saying that "my parents can go but Ant and I can't". There were no "same-sex couples" allowed and no "threesomes or fourgies allowed". I think the problem was that we were booking a love hotel in the "sticks" rather than in Tokyo itself. However it wasn't all bad - we got to check out my parent's room.

You enter thru the "discrete" lobby and pick your room on a "big screen tv" (just so everyone can see that you are ordering the Jesus style dungeon room). Once you pick a room - the room door unlocks - but you can't reopen it (otherwise you have to pay again). My parents got the cheapest room - it didn't have any chains or whips - but it did have a sex toy vending machine , Karaoke and complimentary condoms by the bed side table with "Make Love" written on the packet. Unfortunately - the Jesus cross room was booked out. According to my parents - they heard a couple doing the mattress rumba in the room upstairs during the night.

We had to make do with staying at Taeko's parent's house - which was already had heaps of visitors staying (including Taeko and my brother, Taeko's auntie, Taeko's brother and girlfriend and Taeko's sister and family). It was really embarrassing when we found out that Taeko's parents had made up their room for Ant and I to sleep in - and that they would sleep on the floor in their family room - but we were told that we couldn't bargain with them to sleep on the couch - and if we did - we would be arguing with them for hours.