People's Liberation Fun Place of China - Part 15 - Flight to Guilin and Hotel Hell (aka Guilin New Plaza Hotel) - Day 9 and wee hours of Day 10

Our flight from Nanjing to Guilin was OK apart from the Slipnot concert like bumrush to get onto the flight (damn the Chinese like moshpit queues) and the heavy turbelence on a flight on a carrier owned by the Chinese State Government... It was also a moshpit to get out of the flight. There were even people getting out of their seats whilst the plane was still taxiing on the runway. Go China Eastern!

After we successfully got our bags after the flight - Ant got "shanghaied" by some chick on the "Guilin Tourist Information Desk". There were a bunch of American backpackers saying to us "there is no way we were going to get ripped off by those taxi touts so that is why we are booking the shuttle bus for 20 yuan". They were saying this while handing over sweaty wads of yuan for Li River Cruises to a woman at the airport (where everyone knows you get the best bargins - not!).

Meanwhile - the dodgy Tourist Info woman was piling the americans onto a shuttle bus (whilst not dealing with us). 2 minutes later - she returned and asked us about our accommodation. Ant lied and said we had paid for two nights at the New Plaza Hotel (we had only booked for two nights). She said - "your rate is very expensive - I could get you a way better deal!". Ant repeated the lie "we have already paid" and she seemed to cave in. After unsuccessfully trying to get us accommodation - she tried to book us some tours - but Ant got her address instead so we could "get some tours with her in town" (another lie. Baby jesus would be crying now Ant!). After about 6 minutes of this crap - she led us to the "20 yuan" shuttle bus into town. Mind you - it only drops you off at one hotel not at any hotel.

The bus was completely deserted (no driver or passengers). After waiting for about 10 minutes - that crazy woman reappeared stating that this bus was waiting for the next flight into Guilin (due in an hour) and that if we wanted to leave now - we would have to pay extra for a private shuttle into town. We asked her about "the american tourists and weren't we supposed to be on their bus??" but she didn't have a comeback for that. Tired and pished off - I said to Ant - let's not put up with this bulls##t and just catch a taxi. We bothed started walking to the taxi rank when she shouted - "no wait - make it 20 yuan per person for a private" - but screw her - we caught a taxi.

Thirty seconds into the taxi ride - the taxi driver got a phone call on his mobile. He then passed the phone to Ant and said in English - "for you!". Ant answered the phone - it was that crazy woman from the Guilin Tourist Information Desk - apologising for the delay and wanting us to book tours from her. She had progressed from tourist ripping off to stalking. Ant proceeded to hang up the phone.

After an 80 yuan taxi ride (which is under $15 AUD and is pretty good that it is quick - we passed the americans on the way and goes directly to where you want) - we arrived at the New Plaza Hotel.

The lobby was rather dark (minimal lighting) despite still having hoards of staff behind the counter. I proceeded to the lobby toilet (I was busting) whilst Ant attempted to check in. First warning alarm about the New Plaza Hotel - the lobby toilets reeked of urine. In fact - they were probably the worst toilets I've encountered thus far in China (even worse than the squat toilets at the Shanghai Train Station). It smelt like someone had been murdered by urine...and then some. I guess another alarm bell should have been the hotel's location - right opposite the train station - which, as everyone knows, tends to have the most colourful characters of the neighbourhood hanging around till the wee hours (or should that be urine hours?).

After returning from the toilet to the lobby (which also smelt like urine coming from the toilet) - Ant was having problems with the check in. We had booked two nights of accommodation off a chinese website - and they didn't have any information about our booking. They weren't going to offer us the VIP room we had booked but a regular room at the same rate. Great.

To make matters worse - they wanted us to pay in cash as they appeared "credit card challenged". They also wanted us to pay an outrageous room key deposit in cash. Ant made a wise move and said - we only wanted one night not two.After finally getting the key (from the pretty rude front counter desk) - we moved past the urine smelling elevator and caught the elevator with the hotel manager and a suspicious looking girl. The hotel manager got off at floor five and said to us half-heartedly "have a good night sleep". The girl remained with us to floor fourteen.

We all got off the lift and the girl was sort of stumbling to find "her" room and wasn't carrying any luggage. I was a little naive but Ant was fairly sharp in his observation that she was a pro. Klassy with a "k".

To make matters seedier - the floor was almost pitch black with even less lighting than the already-dark lobby. Klassier with a "k".

The room was pretty crud. The bathroom was absolutely covered with mould. It was evident that the hotel maids have never heard of "Exit Mould" spray. In fact - there was so much mould - it was making the whole room smell gross. The TV was broken and there was a condom prominately displayed next to the TV (which made you wonder if this is the sort of hotel you rent out by the hour - wink wink).

You didn't feel save here - the locks on the door were pretty useless and Ant was worried that he was going to be raped by a prostitute during the middle of the night.

There were also complementary hairs in my bed - choice! We were also given twin beds (which seems to be a common occurance this trip!).

We both had the worst night sleep - and were totally committed to get the hell out of this hell hotel the first thing the next morning. New Plaza Hotel at Guilin is definately up there in terms of sh##iest hotels we have stayed at (just behind the Arlington International Guest House in Chicago which not only had complimentary pubic hairs in the bed but also complementary floating pieces of s### in the corridor no thanks to a toilet blockage). We are going to be posting a review of these place (complete with mouldy bathroom pictures) on tripadvisor.com as soon as possible. Aggggggggh!!