Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 14 - Day 12 - Easter Monday in Kraków...

Ant and I were both woken up by those bast@rd Italian backpackers in the room next to us at the crack of dawn. Damn the Lemon Hostel and its paper thin walls... They should rename it Paper-thin wall Hostel which would be more accurate. Also - the Italian backpackers left a bit of a present in the bathroom - one of them seemed to be malting and shedded heaps of hair around the shared bathroom... sweet.

I wake up, shower and blog (I'm catching up with two posts per day in Kraków!). The breakfast today at the hostel was a bit limiting - there was only bread and cheese today. I had poured a cup of coffee - but it was stone cold. Out of nowhere - the hostel woman appeared with bags of shopping booty. She too was finding it hard to find shops open in Kraków over Easter. There was also some crazy French woman who loved to jam her metal fork into the toaster whilst it was plugged in... Those crazy french with their whacky sense of slapstick humour!

We head out to the bus station - on a quest to catch a bus to Oswiecim (or Auschwitz) only to be thrwated by the Easter Monday bus schedule. We had arrived about 9:30am ish only to realise from the evil Polish woman at the counter that the next bus was scheduled to depart at 11am.... Not really wanting to hang around that long - we headed over to the nearby train station - only to discover that the next train to Oswiecim was scheduled to leave at 11:08am. We didn't really want to leave that late (because Oswiecim is about 1 and a half hours away from Kraków) - so this really wasn't going to give us that much time at Auschwitz.

We head back to the bus station and the big bus departures board seems to say that the next bus to Oswiecim was leaving platform D5 at 10:20am. We head downstairs to D5 where there are fellow tourists waiting for the bus to Oswiecim. Ant overhears one of them saying that they have been waiting since 8 for a bus.

10:20am comes and goes and no bus arrives. The electronic display changes to another bus - and Ant and I make a b-line for the train station again - knowing that either the Bus Schedule hasn't updated itself for Easter Monday - or it says in Polish that the bus isn't running.

We make the decision to not mess around with the bus and buy two train tickets on the alledged 11:08 train to Oswiecim (which costed 44 krown). However upon closer inspection to the train timetable - Ant discovered that the 11:08 wasn't running on Easter Monday and that the next train was going to leave at 2pm - which wouldn't give us any time to see Auschwitz. In a bit of an agro mood - we walked back to the evil train ticket woman - demanded our money back. We had a bit of trouble trying to convince her that the 11:08 was running (it appeared that she couldn't properly read the train timetable) and she forked out a refund - but only returned 38 krown of our money... What a mecha-bi""h from hell... Sterotypical eastern european service...

We race back to the bus station (for the eightieth time today) and the actual 11 o clock to Oswiecim had about 200 people queing for the one bus. To think that on a touristy day - the bus company (and the trains too) think it is a good idea to cancel most of the services to Auschwitz - one of the biggest tourist sites in Poland on one of the biggest tourist dates of the year is a good idea??... Crazy crazy poles...

We blow off the whole Auschwitz for today idea and hop on a bus (pretty much straight away) to Wieliczka - home of the Wieliczka Salt Mines (another UNCESO World Heritage site). The bus was only 2zl each (total bargin) and Ant and I managed to befriend an elderly american couple. On the way to Wieliczka - the american man asks me "is there graffiti in Australia?" - and I reply "yes - there is graffiti everywhere I think". A couple of minutes later - I see the first example of anti-Semitic graffiti I've ever seen (a star of david crossed out). I reply back to the American - "I don't think Australia has this sort of graffiti!". The graffiti is only fueling fire to my idea that the neonazi population in Poland is high.

After 15 mins we are all dumped on the side of the highway at what we think is Wieliczka village. After getting our bearings - we head in the direction of the Salt Mines... those pesky americans (whose welcoming was wearing thin) decided to tag along.

Ant educates me along the way to the mines that we have been to a tonne of UNESCO Heritage sites (not just the 3 places I have quoted in the past on this blog)... so I will bite my tongue in the future in regards to UNESCO sites...

When visiting the salt mines - you have to go on a guided tour (must be something to do with public liability or something). They offered both Polish guided tours (at 45zl) or foreign language tours (at 65zl). Ant came up with the idea of buying a Guide Book for 9zl and taking the Polish tour - thus saving 31zl between the two of us - plus the added bonus of getting a keep sake (in terms of the Guide Book). Unfortunately - the elderly american couple decide to do the same thing (they are soooo clingy).

The Salt Mine is full of pits and chambers and (not surprising for Poland) churches and cathedrals - all underground and carved out of the salt. You start the tour by climbing down 52 flights of stairs (wooden ones at that - I was thinking "fire trap") - and the polish guide (complete with cheesy miners outfit and hat) takes you around the numerous underground sites. There was plenty of Disney-esque animatronic lights and music shows (including a seven dwarf song and dance) which was incredibly tacky and tasteless.

There was an annoying Polish man in a beige suit who became my new nemesis for the holiday. He would be forever getting happy snaps of his (much younger) wife and child - thus holding up the tour and generally pis"ing me off. AgggggghhH!

The tour finishes off at an underground salt gift shop and cafeteria (where else?)... and Ant and I finally managed to ditch that annoying american couple (who had lunch) - whereas we went on the second tour to the Underground salt museum. This time - the tour was in Engrish - and the guide was quite good - albeit tiny (four foot nothing) and she kept mentioning to mind our heads on the short ceilings. If you think Ant and I are pretty tall - there was some European giant on our tour - probably clocking up 7 and a half feet or something - you had to feel sorry for him.

The tour ended with an Indiana Jones style elevator ride to the top. They crammed 8 people into a small cage and it flung you to the surface in the matter of seconds. Quite fun - if a bit communist scary...

We wandered around the town of Wiliczka - trying to find something to eat - but in true Polish tradition - everything was closed... We headed on the free world's smallest train (one carriage) where we encountered the free world's scarriest woman... a freakish midget (with highly flammable blue 1982 east german tracksuit and a bigger moustache than I could grow) who kept shouting at us in polish and to the conductor. After about two minutes of her scary sh++ - we move seats closer to the conductor and to a group of western tourists. She was probably our for Ant's affections - as the scary woman made her advances by moving closer to us and siting in the seat in front of us. The western tourists mention to Ant that his "girlfriend" must have a thing for him. She continues to do a Linda Blair at the conductor and everyone on the train... Who ever says that our holidays are boring?!

Back at the train station (we are sooo sick of this place) - we grab a cheap gyro for lunch and head back to the hostel for a bit more blogging and napping action.

I wake Sleeping Beauty (aka Ant) at 7ish and we head out to Old Town for some "Mexican" dinner. We got a couple of the free world's smallest margaritas and some "lost in translation" enchilladas and burritos - complete with shredded cabbage and beetroot. Although we were thinking about tempting fate twice by going back out to a bar or something - I feel too tired and we head back to the hostel for some shuteye.

On a foot note - this is Nick n Ants Holiday Diaries 100th post... What 100 (INSERT "fun" or "horror") filled posts they have been. It's been good blogging our holidays... otherwise I would probably forget what we actually did two seconds after the fact. Plus we are saving the planet by not producing multiple postcards and sending them on jets across the world (just sending us on jets across the world). Also there is something quite voyeouristic about posting your life on the internet for complete strangers to read - it is like being on big brother without being famous (wait - that is just like big brother)... Anyhows - cheers to another 100 posts in the future - complete with dodgy spelling and engrish (until my parent's frequent flyer scheme runs dry or the blogger site explodes)... and jeers to Valparaiso in Chilé - oh gawd how we hate everything about you...