South America Part 27 - Rio - Day 2

We had to get up early (sort of early latino time) in order to make breakfast (10am) at our hotel. Breakfast at the hotel is a sort of strange deal - there are the usual suspects (fruit, juice, coffee, toast, yoghurt) - but half the buffet is made up of various cakes (including chocolate) - not sure if this is a typical style Brazillian breakfast?!

We have noticed that Brazil is the country of sort of extremes (American style) - you have the rich and you have the dirt poor, and you have the skinny and you have the incredibly fat. Brazil must take the cake (or should that be the chocolate cake) for being the fattest country we have visited in South America. Although Chile had the most junkiest food around - everyone was mostly not morbidly obese... but Brazil are full of the fatties... Also - we think it is mandatory that all girls here dress like prostitutes (no matter how big or small you might be).

After breakfast - we took our lives into our hands again and caught a bus to Urca to go up the famous Sugar Loaf hills. If you have seen the James Bond / Roger Moore ¨Moonraker¨film (the cheesiest one to date) - then you might remember the sugar loaf and the cable carts in the movie. I have included a picture of the villian Jaws and his sexy girlfriend to jog your memory. I have now been on both cable cars in the James Bond film (also been on a one in the Swiss alps which had the Australian James Bond in it).

At the cable car station - we were a little shocked to find that prices were no longer $US8 but rather they had more than doubled to about $35 Reals. Talk about inflation and another example of LP being wildly inaccurate. However - we both agreed that this was definately worth the money as the view from both Bia de Guanabara (there are techincally two cable cars - and this is mid station) and the Sugar Loaf of Rio was spectactular. We even went on a mini-rainforest walk around the top of Sugar Loaf where you could almost get away from the screaming Brazillians (must be a genetic thing).

Another great thing was the amount of eagles at the top - circling the peak. We must have seen 8000% more wildlife than the Colca Cayon in Peru (where we didn´t see one stinking condor). And there were also heaps of rock climbers climbing up various nearby peaks. Also of note - there were mormans at the top sight seeing (you just can´t get away from them anywhere!).

After getting back down the Cable Cars to Urca - Urca was a very scenic (and quiet) ¨village¨ all most with big shady streets and some nice old buildings against the backdrop of the spectactular Sugar Loaf and surrounds. We took our lives into our own hands and walked (instead of taxiing) to the nearby Rio Sol (a big mall - Ant needed his fix).

We continued our Rio tradition of Ant having a semi decent meal and me not having a good meal when we ordered some expensive food court pasta and risotto. I define good risotto by at least being hot - this one didn´t pass the test unfortunately.

Taking our lives into our hands (for the 20th time) - we attempted to walk to the nearby metro. We passed thru an underpass and it had a sign pointing to the ¨nearby¨ metro station - but the metro station happened to be at least a km away. Ant also hit his head on the underpass (despite Brazillians not being as small as their Sth American counterparts - both vertically and horrizontally).

We took a train to the Centro area of Rio to find Rio´s Modern Art Gallery (which wasn´t in LP). They had a few interesting exhibits on including a ¨shrine¨ to Brazillian 40s/50s star Carmen Miranada - who was popular in the 40s and dead in the 50s. Apparently - she had starred in heaps of movies and stage shows (and was a hit in the States) - but my knowledge of old movies is poor and we hadn´t heard of her. There was also a exhibit on the 2005 World Press Photography - which showed all the winners (and runners up) in all of their gory depressing details. Of note - Australian photographers were prominant. There was a gallery (amongst all these exhibits) and the collection was interesting (including Warhol and Pollock). There were a few Brazillian artists too (in for the mix).

It was starting to get dark and we had to leave Centro (more advice from LP) - so we headed back to Copa to chill. Ant checked out the pool which includes screaming kids who splash water as a bonus.

At about 9pm - we trekked out of the hotel to find us some food. After walking up and down the beach to find something (everything is Americn tourist prices), we walked down a block to the ¨seedier¨areas of Copa, where we stumbled upon our first ¨Kilo¨restaurant. Confusing at first - it is basically like a Buffet where you have a wide selection of food and you help yourself to it - but you have to weigh your plate. You pay for every 100g of food (so it doesn´t matter whether or not you have steak or salad - it is all the same price). This was my first good meal in Brazil and it was the cheapest. You can get a big plate of food and beer for about $6-10 AUD. The inner accountant in me was happy.

After dinner - Ant made us go on a ¨forced march¨ (Ant was mad with the death march remark in an early post and he prefers the term forced) to try and find the local disco area. After walking the complete length of Copa - we couldn´t find it (although it was later revealed that we were 1 street away from it).

South America Part 26 - Rio De Janerio

After arriving in the delapated Rio Airport - Ant spent about 25 minutes searching for an ATM which would accept his card. Brasilian ATMs seem to have issues with reading international cards (hello Japan!) but after tracking down an HSBC machine - we had cash and were ready to go.

Taking LPs advice - we caught the ¨Real¨ bus into town. After being told that the trip to Copacobana would take an hour and that we couldn´t be dropped directly at our hotel (we´d be dropped off at the beach in an approximate location to our hotel - four blocks from the beach) - the bus took about 90 minutes (after trying to pick up as much passengers as possible).

The ride into town was interesting - after the non-impressive airport - there were some pretty sh##y roads leading out of the airport into the city. Next to the airport was a big bunch of flavelas (or slums) - City of God style. Rio´s geography is pretty simple in terms of getting around - it is long and narrow - and the touristy areas spread from Centro (or downtown) south to Copacobana and Ipanema (aka the tourist beaches). This all makes it easy to catch transport to and from each area.

After reading a bit of LP (see Rio´s Dangers and Annoyances section) - I was a bit worried about being dropped off by the bus in a place we hadn´t been to before and being targeted with all of our bags or something. But of course - nothing happened and we got to our hotel with no dramas.

We checked into the ¨Royalty Hotel¨- the most expensive hotel I´ve ever stayed at ($200AUD plus a night), although not the flashest. Every hotel has tourist¨NYE¨or ¨Carnvale¨pricing - whereby they take the normal room rate and triple it. The Royalty - a bit of a three and a half to four star hotel - was about the cheapest we could find (a month leading into NYE). Ipanema is even more expensive... Our room is nice - overlooking the hill behind the hotel and the location (despite LPs bit##hing about safety) - is quiet and non-touristy.

After dumping our stuff - we had dodgy hamburgers at a Hamburger chain across the road. Although Ant´s burger wasn´t too bad (looked very Aussie with egg and stuff) - mine had to be the worst burger of my life. Everyone in south america is obsessed with Mayo (in a bad way) - and combining that with coleslaw and bad fried chicken on a bun can be fatal in large doses.

After my near death hamburger experience - we wandered down to Copacobana beach. It is incredibly busy, touristy and not the cleanest beach I´ve been to - but it has a tonne of atmosphere and the view isn´t too bad. The beach is chock full of ¨tourist police¨and chock full of touts offering drugs. We were offered pot about 5 meters away from a cop... great!

Copacobana feels like a bit of a run-down Gold Coast (not in any bad way) - all of the hotels look original and haven´t been renovated since the 60s/70s and there is a lack of new buildings. The view is great - with Sugar Loaf to one side and the Christ de Redeemer to the west.

After ignoring LPs advice about not catching buses at night time - we caught a bus to Ipanema at night (ooh ahh!). Nothing happened (except for maybe a sore a$$ from the bad suspension and roads). We wandered around a bit trying to search for some dinner. We ate at a ¨cheap¨cafe and we continued our Rio tradition of Ant having a decent meal and me having an absolutely s### meal that gives Santiago a run for its money. I had ordered Spag Cabnorara (I feel like a full on fat dose every now and again) - but when it arrived - Spag here apparently means ¨2 minute noodles¨ (overcooked) and Cabanora sauce is made up of a few bits of over cooked fatty bacon and 2 litres of cream. Of course this was priced at the low low price of about $17 Reals.

After getting lost after dinner - we made it to the beach at Ipanema (again ignoring LPs advice of not going near beaches at night). Everything seemed a lot classier than Copa (but hey - we were too cheap to stay here).

Taking our lifes into our hands - we caught another night bus back to Copa - again nothing happened. According to LP - we should have been mugged at least 5 times by now.

LPs description of Copa is pretty funny - it is almost like one of thost nuclear fallout zones (eg - 1km from ground zero - burnt to a crisp, 5km from ground zero - 1st degree burns and so on). If you are at the beach - you will be pickpocketed, if you are one block away from the beach - you will be mugged, if you are two blocks away - you will be gang raped, and if you stay where we are staying (4 blocks away from the beach) - you will be murdered then raped. We tend to think maybe LP has seen City of God too many times.

Adios for now.

South America Part 25 - Santiago on a Monday...

First of all - big props and shout out to Chilean ice cream (ie of the Streets / Nestle variety) and their bizzare names. Some of our favourites include "Sexy Bo", "Egocentrical" and my favourite - "Danky CRAACK". Every picture of a Danky CRAACK outside a store has a picture of a woman with a man holding up a sign saying "Sexy"... Most ice cream pictures looks like the woman is giving head to the ice cream. Also there was a photocopy place we had come across in Santiago called ¨Fotocopia J.A.M¨.

Anyhows - we had an "early" latino breakfast at the hostel at 9am and made tracks off to the nearby Virgen (aka Virgin aka giant statue of virgin) on a nearby hill. After wandering past the Santiago zoo (which LP describes as "uninspiring" aka code for avoid like the plague) - we discovered that the dirt/wood-chip track leading up to the Virgen was infested by rabid stray dogs (who always loved forming packs and following us). At one stage - we had three big dogs (and the dogs here are HUGE) chasing us (not to mention the panther like dog who was rustling in the bushes nearby). We were lucky in that we lost them all at a crossroad.

We had kept seeing lots of people walking up the hill - but not coming down. Ant was coming to the conclusion that the dogs must be eating most of the tourists on the hill. We dubbed this hill - Dog Hill.

After finally getting to the top - it had an apocoplotic zombie movie deserted feel about it. There were a couple of water features which were not switched on and hardly a sole in sight. Of course in true Chilean style - there was a gonderla and a Funcliuar railway up to the top - both were closed.

The Virgen sat on top of the hill (and we thought it was quite an achievement to make it considering we had not heard of any other hostel guests walking up the hill) and you would be able to get a great view of Santiago (if it was not for all the haze and smog from the pollution of the city). You could not even make out the nearby Andes (which are very cool - snow capped mountains right next to Santiago... even if you are really hot in town with t-shirts and shorts - you can still see the huge f/// off mountains with snow on top). The Virgen was situated nearby an open air catherdral - which had the feel of the ¨hour of power¨tv show - just completely deserted. I had Ant take a few pictures of me posing ¨like the virgen¨ and me touching it ¨for the very first time...¨

After the Virgen - we decided to take a different path down the hill (aka Parque Metropolitano). We ended up going down a south coast style hairpin road complete with big buses trying to run us down.

Upon reaching the bottom - we reached Providencia aka Santiago´s Beverly Hills aka Rich B#### suburb. There were even a few dogs hanging around (but didn´t look stray as they had water dishes). We even had salad sandwiches there for lunch (yes! something remotely healthy in Santiago despite the sandwich being full of cream cheese).

Wandering around the shops in Providencia - we noticed that if you come across, say one video game shop - there will be about 8 video games shops right next door. This rings true for just about everything (Chilean shops like to cluster amongst like shops).

Catching the Subway back into town (it really isn´t a subway - more like a train like bus with wheels which goes underground) - we decided to go up (what we call) Santiago Hill Light or Santiago Hill Diet (or Cerro Santa Lucia) - a mini hill in the middle of Central Santiago with a few spanish style castles and water features to boot. Ant loves to keep raising the fact that I almost got scammed once in Thailand. We got off a boat there and there was some local who was wanting to give us cheap tuktuk rides around town (obviously to some dodgy jem factory). But here - it was Ant´s turn to get almost scammed. Some guy was trying to give Ant a dodgy poem in exchange for $10000 pesos (around $30AUD)... I fled the scene immediately - but Ant was hanging around him whilst he told his sob story about unis here being mega expensive (although from some guests at the hostel that night who were studying said it was free here).

After Diet Hill, we walked down and checked out the Presidential Palace and heaps of government buildings. The Presidential Palace was sort of fenced off in a half arsed post 9-11 way - except you could still drive right in front of it... We even got ourselves a photo of the ex-Chilean communist leader statue outside the palace.

Not listening to LP´s advice on the local market - we decided to check it out. It made the Fyshwick Markets look like a tourist destination. Thinking that there would be market like things for sale - all there was were a few touty restaurants wanting gringos to eat there.

After that - we wandered around Central Santiago´s shopping area. We had a look at a couple of department stores including ¨Ripleys¨and ¨Hites¨. We think Hites was misspelt and should of had an ¨S¨in front of Hites. All the clothes were pretty dorky and expensive - it was evident that BA simply crapped all over Chile in terms of shopping. All throughout the shopping district - they were playing loud muzak (probably to keep the punks out of Central and nearby our hostel). I had must of heard Madonna´s ¨Holiday¨, ¨Like a Virgin¨and ¨Into the Groove¨(muzak versions) about 3 times each.

Running out of things to do (because it is a Monday and everything touristy is closed in Latin Amercia on a monday) - we headed back to the Hostel around 4ish... finished off our last bottle of red chilean wine and chatted with a few guests before heading off at 10pm for some dinner at a mildly fancy french restaurant nearby.

We had to get up real early the next morning (early gringo time and latino time of 5am) to head off to the airport for a 7ish flight to Rio. We were all ready to go for our alledgedly booked taxi at 5:45am but of course - it was never booked by the hostel staff... Luckily - one showed up about 5 minutes later.

When we arrived at the airport - we tried to check into what we thought was the business class line (only to get shouted at by the LAN staff at the economy check in). What we didn´t realise was that the Business class check in was at the other side of the airport (how logical)...

Going thru immigration - we decided that the only edible thing was ¨Dunkin Donuts¨ (when you are on holidays you get very desperate). We lined up at the front counter - but in true Chilean style - the guy grumbled at us ¨We are closed for 20 minutes¨- despite the fact that there were heaps of customers in there eating and that they had food there... They must of have been conducting some sort of Donut audit stocktake at the busiest time of the day...

Ant ended up going back there (10 minutes later) and ordered some healthy donuts for breakfast - there was some Americans there grumbling about the lack of variety of donuts.

Our flight to Rio (via Sao Paulo) was a bit hellish despite the fact that it was the first LAN flight with individual TVs and on demand movies. There was a fair share of screaming kids including a three year old who screamed (like a horror movie scream) when the flight landed into Sao Paulo... We had to let off quite a few passengers in Sao Paulo - and the LAN staff kept doing a head count of everyone (despite everyone not sitting down and wandering around). I was told to ¨unfasten my seatbelt¨ by a flight attendant (a first for me) . They kept making announcements about ¨everyone who is booked to Sao Paulo needs to get off the flight¨. 10 minutes later the ground staff hauled off a stowaway who tried to go all the way to Rio without the right ticket. 15 minutes of screaming babies later - the flight finally took off.

45 minutes of screaming babies later - the flight landed into Rio - the slummiest airport thus far on our trip. Think 1970s concrete nightmare which hasn´t been renovated ever. At the immigration area - it was even festier with a crazy clock (the ¨minute¨ part was constantly mental) and only one staff member to let people thru.

Customs was trying to outdo Immigration. They had the whole ¨push the button and see if you have something to declare or not¨ like Peru (just without any staff). We got our bags scanned and the woman (who could only say ¨laptop¨ in english) got us to open one of our bags (despite us not having a laptop). She seemed obsessed with a duty free bag which had cream in it (?)... After attempting to communicate with us - she gave up and let us thru. It has been funny - every south american country has had its quirks when it comes to stuff to declare - Peru it was Playstation games and Cassettes, Argentina it was mobile phones...

Adios for now...

South America Part 24 - Feliz Navidad (aka Merry Christmas) from Santiago

Last night´s x-mas dinner organised by the hostel ended up being more of an x-mas binge drinking exercise. Things kicked off around 7pm - and everyone downed a few beers on the upper deck of the Hostel. Most guests here are from Australia, but there are a few people from here and there around the world (including the States, Sth Africa, Netherlands, Argentina and Norway).

Some people had some hellish experiences including being in a bus crash in Peru (the bus flipped over a couple of times down a 10 meter bank - but no one was killed) a couple of weeks ago.

Things (for me) started to get a bit out of hand when I started drinking Champagne and Red Wine. To top that off - Pedro (the ex-pat Colombian / now Australian resident) started handing out shots of Pisco (Sth American spirit) - I think I had about three...

After being out on the deck for a couple of hours - we headed downstairs, where I (in my true cd nazi form) got on the reception computer and acted as the DJ. Ant at this stage - mysteriously headed for bed.... I opted for going with the rest of the people to a nearby salsa club (yes - all the nightclubs and bars appeared to be open on X-mas eve in Santiago). By about 2am - I was getting tired and did "an Ant" and mysteriously headed back to the hostel and crashed.

All of X-mas day, for me, was being extremely hungover and confined to either the bathroom or the bedroom. Ant pretty much chilled out the whole day (minus the sereve hangover) - chatted with the guests, went on the internet, had a little excursion in town and got some empinadas for lunch.

About 6pm - Ant was concerned about the lack of food I was having today so he went down to the shops to buy some greasy hotdogs. However, when he came back - I was in the toilet (doing you know what) - so no hot dogs for me. About 10pm - and I finally made it off my pisco deathbed and had a shower and went down with Ant to find some greasy food (for breakfast). After attempting to order hot dogs from the same place Ant went this afternoon - and failing to solicit any sort of response from the guy running the place - I stormed out of there and went to the Empanada place Ant went to for lunch. We are strongly coming to the conclusion that the food here in Chile is very expensive and usually very junky. We are missing the Argentinean cuisine greatly (don´t trust us - you can talk to other guests here who also strongly agree) including its variety, quality and cheap cheap price. Some guest here said that they totally digged the Argentinean diet - 100% protein and no carbohydrates. Here, the Chilean diet is 50% fat (from greasy hot dogs and empanadas) and 50% sugar (from their addiction to soft drinks) - plus the price for just about everything is fairly close to Australian prices.

After wandering back from "breakfast/dinner" - we got heckled by the local punks (first time we have been called the "c" word from complete strangers before). According to Ant - lots of other guests are getting hassled by them. Perhaps Ant should don on his Sex Pistol t-shirt and my Clash t-shirt (that we both had bought in BA) and we could join them for a bit of heckling tomorrow.

Adios for now.

South America Part 23 - Santiago Navidad (aka X-Mas) Eve Style

We woke up (sort of early for Latinos - 8am) and made our way to the "help yourself" breakfast at the hostel. It also included a "clean it up yourself" dish washing service.

After chinwagging with fellow aussies at the hostel, we walked down to the Museuo de Bellas Artes - the allegeded "old school" art gallery which made the National Gallery of Australia look like that creepy art gallery in Vina Del Mar... It was an interesting collection of old and new school art, including a collection of Ninos Artes (Children Art) which was trying to emulate all different artisitc styles from the Egyptians to Post Modern Modernism (or something). As an added bonus - we got in for free because it was X-Mas Eve.

We stopped by at a Phamaracy - and as per usual - no one speaks english. The first time I attempted to buy something was in Buenos Aires - when I wanted Atheletes Foot cream (ooh la la) - they were trying to sell me band-aids. Today - I needed some cold and flu tablets but we were armed with Ant's English-Spanish dictionary. I think I was starting to confuse them when I pointed at the spanish word for "drowsy" and was saying no!

We hadn't realised but for Chileans after midday on X-Mas eve is a public holiday. So we had to rush to the Pre-Colombian Art Gallery/Muesum (which closes at 2pm). Thankfully - we had enough time to explore all the collections of pre-colombian art (ie - statues, gold, pottery, clothes) from the Aztecs, Incas and Mayans to name a few. Everything was great - and everything was in English (icing on the cake). Another great thing about the collection is that you never get to see any of this sort of stuff in Europe, Australia or the states. Also Ant bought a replica of the cat pottery piece (see picture on this post) - it is very cute.

We have spent the rest of the day lounging around near the hostel (either attempting to get lunch or blogging). Tonight - we have paid $8000 pesos to be part of the hostel x-mas dinner / bbq (where we have to help cook, clean and cater). Hopefully my hard core cold and flu tablets will allow me to drink (you can only take 4 per day!).

We are dreading the next couple of days (X-Mas day followed by a Monday where everything latino is closed). But we have been assured by a fellow Aussie (ex Colombian) traveller that X-Mas eve is a bigger thing here than in Australia.... Only time will tell...

Adios for now.

South America Part 22 - Santiago, Chile

We got up at 7am in an attempt to beat the Japanese tourists to the sole shower at Casa de la Bugs. After we both had an shower - the owner then told us that we were the sole guests at Casa de la Bugs (so we didn't have to get up at 7am - d'oh!).

The bus ride to Santiago was smooth (for us) but not so smooth for a couple of elderly american tourists. When they got on the bus - they were trying to get into a seat occupied by a woman who didn't speak any English (all of the seats are reserved a la flight travel). When the bus was 20 minutes out of town - the bus conductor (yes - they employ an extra person on each bus to check the tickets) discovered that these Amercians were supposed to be on the 0950 bus to Santiago not the 10 o'clock bus that we were on. It was a major drama for the bus driver and the conductor (even though half the bus was empty).

We had our first "serious" packbacking session on arrival at Santiago. Carrying our collection of Imelda Marcos t-shirts and Argentinean shopping (an extra 10 kgs) - we made our way thru the mecha-busy metro. Ant almost decapatitated a local with his backbag on the train.

What we immediately noticed in Santiago was the heat (after dealing with the not so warm weather of Valpariaso and Vina). Back to t-shirts and shorts...

On route to the hostel in Santiago - we passed several youngish people waving flags for that chick Presidential candidate for the upcoming Chilean Presidential election run-off. A couple of weeks ago - Chileans went to the polls but since no one candidate achieved 50% of the vote - they have to go back to the polls in a run-off with the top two candidates. There is the left wing chick and the right wing megalomanic billionare owner of LAN Chile. Stayed tuned for an election result in the new near.

Ant had been completing hyping up the hostel where we are staying at (the Bellavista) as it was in the top 10 most popular in the world as voted by users on the website hostels.com. It is nicely decorated (lots of art and strange movie posters including "Dead Man" and "Happiness"). The maid here is super friendly (although she can't speak a word of english). She thought it was cute that we were a couple. The location is very quiet (a rarity here on the continent) but our room is a bit like a prison cell (window, bed, but not crud bucket).

After hunting down a cheap "beer and kebab" (or kebap as written on the poster) cafe for lunch - we made tracks back near the bus terminal to go to the Chile Communist Museum. Ant was desperate to get some more propaganda art since our trip to Vietnam. After taking a short cut thru the local university (which seemed eeriely dead since it was right before x-mas), we arrived at the museum - unfortuneately it was shut for rennovations / removalists... the story of our holiday.

Dissappointed but not destroyed - we continued our sightseeing and walked (for ages - Ant loves his death marches) to the Plaza de Armas (every Sth American country has one!). The Plaza and downtown was super busy (but we didn't realise that this was the last working day before x-mas - the 23rd of December). Hands on wallets time!

We headed to the Chilean National Muesum situated at the plaza. The museum was a lot less "full on" propaganda as the Naval Museum in Valparsaio and covered from pre-Spanish to pre-Pinochet. Unfortunately - it felt like it glossed over the Communist years of Chile (viva Salvador Allende) and was void of anything General Pinochet (except it did cover a little bit Pinochet's American-backed take over of Allende and the communists). Also - everything was in Spanish but Ant had his copy of Espanol/Ingles dictionary at hand.

After navigating thru the middle of Santiago and the massive pre-x-mas crouds - Ant and I both had a desire for either a thickshake or milkshake. We quickly checked out McDonalds (embarassing) - but no where on this continent can you get a thickshake at McDonalds. Burger King - ditto... After walking around for 20 minutes - we found an Ice Cream shop that sold "Milkshakes" but on closer inspection - a Milkshake looked more like an Ice Cream Sunday (complete with nuts and cherries) than a milkshake. In desparation - I checked out a local super meracdo - only to find the closest thing to a milkshake/dairy based moove product was "Nestle Drinkable Yoghurt".

We crashed for a while back at the hostel (I was sort of coming down with a cold). We settled for Hot Dogs and Hamburgers (the Chilean national cusine) for dinner. If Morgan Spurlock ever wanted to do a sequel of Supersize Me - the cusine here at Chile would be great to focus on.

We headed back to the hostel - which appeared to be in party mode. Everyone was dancing to bad early 90s (Herbie - Right Side of the Mood and Real 2 Real - Move It) and latino music. The maid was wanting us to join in - but I felt really bad (flu) so I called it quits. The volume of the music was putting our next door neighbour in Canberra to shame.

Ant, who was really wanting to check out the clubs here in Santiago, joined in on the festivities. The majority of people staying here, surprise-surprise, are Australian (hence all alcholoic). We have both heard of really bad stories of people with airlines coming here to Sth America. Even one brit had been arrested in Colombia after "abusing" LAN staff at the terminal. At about 1am - all the guests went out to a nearby seedy gay club (although everyone is straight) - but Ant called it quits.

South America Part 21 - Valparaiso Sightseeing and Ripoffs

When we got back from CineHoyts the previous night - we discovered that our hostel bedroom had been overrun by bugs - small worm like creatures had shed their wings (on our bed) and were climbing over everything. We had to make do with some home-made insect spray (made out of Lynx Deodorant and Rid Insect Repellent). We dub this hostel - hostel de bugs.

After waiting another 45 minutes for a shower at our hostel (this appears to be a daily ritual here) - we strolled down to the other side of town to do some sightseeing - Valparaiso style.

Because Valparaiso has some very steep hills - there are "ascensors" or funicular railways built everywhere so commuters (and tourists) and get up the hills without buring off any calories from the junk food sold everywhere. According to our tourist map of Valparaiso - they are "an important part of the city´s identity, dating back a centennial, constitute a current and complete transportation sytem. They are fundamental for the vertical development of the city. The trolleys also give a distinctive seal to Valparaiso and they are a valuable and efficient transportation system for its citzens." Well in an attempt to get to the Naval Museum - two ascensors were broken and we had to walk up the hill the old fashioned way.

Once you get above the bustling city streets - it is rather peaceful up on the hills (and scenic too). We took a few happy snaps of the sights (damn Ant´s 1g memory card and long life batteries - he takes shots of everything!) but were careful not to take any of the local military installations. Taking shots of ships and bases might land tourists into jail.

I probably should take a quote out of the aforementioned tourist map for Valparaiso (in it´s uncensored spanglish form). The map rights about a quote from "...the Chilean Nobel Prize Winner for Literature Pablo Neruda, who lived in the city...". The map says "Neruda declared his love to this "crazy port" to this "adsurdity" of a city, indicating that, if we walk through all of Valparaiso´s stairways "we will have travelled around the world" ". ´Em fighting words.

After about 1 hour of walking - we rocked up to the Naval museum only to discover that there was a big military do and that most of the museum was shut today. Fortunately - we could get in for free and did see a fair few exhibits. The Chileans seem very "up themselves" - taking pride in many of their victories of the evil spanish... A lot of their exhibits were getting beyond the "Vietnamese" level of propaganda and they weren't shy about using superlatives over their deceased generals ("he was an outstanding solider of the highest calibre and was hot to boot"...).

After dodging the local "llama man who wants your money" outside the museum - we headed back down to town for lunch at a cafe. We ordered two "Chicken Sandwiches with Mayo and Avocados" and two "Meat Empinadas" - what we got was one "Meat Hamburger with Avocado" and two "Cheesy Empinadas"... ¿Que? Hey - at least the woman got our order for beer right. We finally found an open "ascensor" (for $100 pesos - 25c AUD) and attempted to find the local art gallery - only to find it shut for refurbishment. We wandered back down the hill and wanted to check out an open air mural "gallery" - recommended in LP. When we got to that "ascensor" - the tickets were $150 each - so Ant handed over a $500 coin expecting change - I handed over $300 worth of coins thinking that I was paying for Ant as well... The b"""" a%% h" woman took all of our money and then didn't give us any change. After we were doing the whole "give me change" handmovements - she pushed us onto the train and off it went (sin change). Don't be surprised if this place isn't firebombed any time soon. (I know we are b###hing about 2 AUD but it is the principle that counts).

At the top - we had a look at some of the murals (which were pretty and gave the whole area a bit of an arty bohemian feel) - but were scared off by a few rabies dogs who could taste our fear. One looked like it was ready to pounce on us from a 2 storey building.

When we got down to town - we found the local "Natural History" Museum. The security man at the entrance told us that the tickets were $400 each - we went to the man with the tickets and handed over a $2000 note. He then ripped out three tickets (for the two of us) and gave us $200 change saying that the price had gone up to $600 (or something in Spanish). Yet - it didn't explain why we would want 3 tickets. Feeling pi$$ed off over the stewpid vincilucar railroad - we couldn't put up with this sort of s$$$ so we took the $2000 note out of the guy´'s hand and stormed out. I didn't realise that Chile was supposed to be all sleazy when it comes to ripping off tourists. We thought it was supposed to be the most developed out of all Sth American countries - but we didn't even get treated like this in Peru (which is a lot poorer than Chile).

Anyhows - feeling a bit pissy (and the fact that we had exhausted Valparaiso´s sights) - we caught the train back to Vina Del Mar. Speaking of ripoffs - everyone has to buy a 900 peso ticket (which has 900 pesos of credit on it). But even if you have heaps of credit left over - you are forced to top-up your card to at least 780 pesos every trip. 780 equals the maximum ride but this is a bit pi#s weak. The train looks mega expensive to build (flash stations, flash train, heaps of staff who try and explain the ticket system to confused locals and tourists alike) and there was hardly anyone on it. Feeling like we needed to get our moneys worth - we headed down past Vina to about 1/2 hour to some strange town (which wasn´t in LP). We did the sneaky and walk to the other side of the station and caught it back to Vina. The smart card tickets only charged us if we had only gone from Valparaiso to Vina...

When we got back to Vina - we checked out not only the mall that we had visited the day before - but also another mall... Getting really bored - I bought a Happyland card for 1500 pesos and played a couple of games of Air Hockey... After eating Telepizza (if you like cold, stale pizza then this is your place) and getting even more bored - we decided to risk our safety and walk back along the beach (where the rabies infected dog had chased us for 20 minutes the previous day). Alas - no rabies dog could be found.

We decided to have an early night (as we had a super early morning latino time start the next day - a 10am bus).

South America Part 20 – Vina Del Mar and Valparaiso

We had a leisurely breakfast at the hostel – but of course – it was completely different (as always) – this time with fresh fruit and a strange bun with ham and cheese (slightly toasted).

We wandered off to the “touristic” port area of Valparaiso – which didn’t have a tourist (nor any living thing) in sight. The city had recently renovated an old unused port dock into a “tourist” facility – but unfortunately it was really hard to work out how to get there. There were a couple of disused restaurants and a sort of “trendy” looking bar/club at the end of the wharf (which had closed “Tu Tu Tango” style).

After getting a good view of the city – we decided to catch the newly established commuter train to Vina Del Mar and have a day trip there. According to the lady who runs our hostel – the train is only 1 month old – it still has that new train smell. After forking out a hefty 900 pesos for a ticket ($2AUD) we caught the train. Ant (aka Trainspotter) recognised that the train was the same as the trains in Perth (complete with the tacky blue and green décor).

Vina Del Mar (when compared to Valparaiso) was very tidy and leafy looking. It also had semi-recognisable shops and several western style malls (of course Imelda Marcos aka Ant set off straight away to the mall). The streets were fairly European-esque (almost like BA) and the town has the reputation for being the “garden city”. It also felt a whole lot more “better off” than its poorer cousin Valparaiso.

After quickly checking out the 4 level mall and realising that this was a lot more expensive than Argentina… I forced Ant to take me sightseeing instead.

We checked out the local beach. This area in Chile is sort of the “beach” area for Chile and the locals – except we were there at the height of summer and it is definitely 2 layer weather here… (need to be paid large sums of money to get into the cold water).

Some parts of the beach felt a bit “gold coasty” because it was overrun by old people. After being chased by a rabies infected dog for 20 minutes – we headed for the local “natural history” museum. Because the Easter Islands are so close to Chile – the Chileans seem to claim it as their own (just like Australia claims to own Russell Crowe and Richard Wilkins). There was a section on the Easter Islands and a large range of “timmy the timid taxidermist” stuffed animal collection.

We wandered back into the main square for lunch – I was still refusing to partake on a “hot dog” so I bought a couple of bits of bread and a banana and made sandwiches… Ant had a hot dog (admittedly – they are better than hot dogs in America or at home).

There was a nice big park (which used to be a private home/park before it was opened up to the public) that we wandered around for a bit to kill time (it was only 2pm at this stage). There was a weird space ship style stadium plonked down in the middle of park. It had the whole abandoned feel – plus bits of the roof were falling off (despite it looking quite new).

Against our better judgement (and LP’s advice) – we decided to check out an art gallery which was also situated in the park. LP had described the collection as “uninspirational” and it was pretty crappy. Of note – they made everyone wear these “ugh” boots over their sneakers (as not to dirty up the place) and the strange guy who ran it was playing, what I describe as “classical murder music” at really loud volumes. Ant and I spent the whole time “ice skating” in the ugh boots whilst making “stabby-stabby” motions with our hands. On the plus side – it was an old nice building (which looked like the “Voodoo Academy” or “Clue” building).

We were soon getting really bored and headed to the town’s floral clock. Ant is a big fan of floral clocks and was screamed at by the locals to “step away from the floral clock and off the grass”.

We were scrapping the bottom of the barrel in terms of tourist attractions and checked out a restaurant in the shape of a boat and a European style castle set up on a cliff. It was 3:30pm and we had exhausted all there was to do in Vina Del Mar. Don’t get us wrong – Vina Del Mar was very pretty and nice looking – but it would be OK to do this in a quick day trip from Santiago.

Feeling bored – we decided to head back to Valparaiso and find us some dinner. We found something non-hot doggy at the local “Marco Pollo” restaurant. The prices here are almost at the Australian level ($9AUD for a big plate of lasagne).

Ant was desparate to have a Sth American “Hoyts” experience and we did so at the local “CineHoyts”. The tickets were about $3-4AUD (we went on the cheap night) – and we saw Flight Plan (or Planeu de Flighte or something). The whole “Hoyts” introduction had the “Hoyts” theme music from about 6 years ago. We were a bit shocked when the movie started as Jodie Foster started talking in German (sin English subtitles)– but thankfully the rest was in English. The best bit was when Jodie Foster punched the snoody flight attendant in the face (my dream to do it in real life on AA or Qantas). In true Hoyts fashion – the sound got very crappy for about 3 minutes and someone had a 5 minute chat on their mobile half way thru the movie.

We decided to call it a night at 12:30am…

South America Part 19 - Hello Chile (and Valparaiso)

We arrived in Santiago airport around lunch time (white western midday lunch time) and the airport had more taxi touts than Lima Airport (surprisingly). You basically couldn't fart without getting touted. We had a few stalkers who wanted to continue to tout us while we were using the ATM machine.

Once we got our bearings - we figured out we had to catch a bus to the Santiago bus terminal in order for us to catch another bus to Valparaiso. On our way to the bus terminal - it looked like outer suburban Santiago had caught the Gungahlan McMansion disease - except Santiago had four lane roads and Gungahlan doesn't. Santiago was also incredibly dry looking - nothing was green and it had the whole Peru arid feel.

At the bus terminal - I raced around and attempted to order "two completo super panchos" - but got two tomato ones instead whilst Ant got some tickets for our second bus journey. The bus trip to Valpariso was uneventful and stress free - everything felt very efficient and some of the roads along the way to Valpariso were rather "f··· off" including two giant tunnels thru some a mountain range. The road down to Valpariso had the whole Barrosa Valley mixed with Toowoombah feel - where else do you have giant vineyards with a few giant jesus crucifixes and jesus billboards.

When we stepped off the bus at Valpariso - I was touted by a woman who wanted us to stay at some hostel. I said the usual "no gracis" and walked away. When Ant got touted - he suddenly realised that this was the place we had booked into! She walked us down to the hostel (only a minute away from the terminal) and checked in.

Valpariso is a port city of Chile (supposed to be the biggest port in the country) and has a bit of a San Francisco feel to it (hilly, sea side) minus the cosmopolitan feel. We walked for ages (it is surprisingly long and lengthy to get anywhere) and walked down to the tourist dock area where you get touted by people selling boat rides. After getting completely ripped off by some Churrio dealer (it is hard to understand the numbers - especially when one Australian dollar buys 389 pesos) - we wandered into the downtown area - where most of the buildings looked very european / martin place in Sydney.

To try and kill some time - we took a stroll down the local shopping area and walked into our first department store in South America - "Ripleys". The place looked like a down market "The Warehouse" with s$$$ and bad clothes chucked in big piles everywhere. We kept going up on the escalator and made it to "Happyland" (logo looked suspiciously like "Disneyland") - an amusement parlor and the food court. We decided to spend $3AUD which got us 12 tokens at the parlor - and played a bit of Air Hockey, broken Jurassic Park Pinball and Tekken 3 (with the buttons all round the wrong way).

Ant was feeling hungry (at the non Latino time of 7pm) so we attempted to find some food. The food court was full of panchos, panchos and more panchos (hot dogs). One of the stores was called "DoggyS" - I hope the "S" doesn't stand for style. I refused to eat any more fast food or hot dog crap - so we walked around town in an attempt to "find something healthier". Restaurant after restaurant - everything either sold panchos or sandwiches (not the healthy ones but the ones that are like hamburgers with s""" loads of fries). Variety and healthy options...not. If Argentina was a vegetarian's nightmare (and admittedly - you could find vegetarian options in places) - Chile was a dietitan's nightmare. Even the food in America - at least you could find salad amongst all the fast food s$$$. The lack of variety makes you appreciate how lucky we are in Australia to have such diverse food.

Anyhow - we managed to track down a chinese restaurant - and we ordered a set menu. When we entered the place - we were the only ones there and they had to switch on the lights. The meal was better than the chinese at Goulburn (which isn't saying all that much).

We walked back along the trainline (which runs along the shore line - but you can't see it because the port is in the way) and some idiot shouted out "f%%ka ya" to us out of a taxi. Thank you for capping off a culturally rich evening in Chile.

South America Part 18 - More BA

After finishing writing the blog - I decided to have a 7pm siesta because we were wanting to go out to the local discoteque with Pedro and Jaiver (Palaceio). Meanwhile Ant was checking out the clothes shop downstairs which is co-runed by Jaiver. He picked up a manbag and a t-shirt (to add to his doomsday stockpile of t-shirts).

Post siesta - we all watched Moulin Rouge on "The Film Zone" channel (Simpre Maas!). Pedro had cheered when in the Tango de Roxanne scene - the fiery Argetine guy said "from the brothels of Buenos Aires"... After that - we ordered home delivery pizza (from downstairs) and got it delivered - 2 meters to our doorstep.

The Palacio was a three story nightclub (only the bottom floor was open on a Sunday night) and was pretty chockers (for a Sunday night). We all got free drinks... After that (3:30am) - we went down to the local petrol station (it was the only thing open with food and drinks) and picked up some supplies.

The following day - everyone was feeling sorry for themselves and woke up sort of early (10amish). At breakfast - we were both treated to Argentinaian breakfast television... We watched a show called Informales which made Sunrise look like the 7:30 Report - there were people dressed up like clowns and hookers and there were wacky "Hey Hey" soundeffects everywhere. There were a couple of "hard hitting" interviews - one with a 200 year old latino singer Alcedas who (according to Pedro) has only three hits. He looked like a very ugly version of Julio Ingleas with a bad wig - and he performed one of his "hits" - Violeta and every formed a congo line including the prostitute and the clown. Another hard-hitting interview was with Pimpenlia (no joke) - a brother and sister combo who had a new CD out to promote. These guys only looked like 50 years old.

Of course - Ant and I were flaffing about and didn't leave the apartment until midday. We went downtown and attempted to go on a Colon Theatre tour - which had been cancelled for Monday. We then jumped back onto the subway and headed for the BA Zoo. When reading LP on the way - it said it was closed... Of course in true LP fashion - it was open on Monday.

The BA Zoo was pretty interesting as it had a wide selection of animals from South America (something you don't get at home much) - also there were the usual collection of big cats, Australian wildlife (a few docile kangaroos), reptiles, aquarium and rainforest section. The BA Zoo on the whole was pretty impressive - not a depressing old school zoo but most of the animals seemed to be content with their surroundings... Most areas were themed (eg: Asian section, Australian section, African section) and it was interesting as nothing was in English and we were trying to decipher what all the names of the animals were in Spanish.

One exhibit was a bit of a worry - instead of some sort of endangered rodent in an exhibit - there was a stray cat instead.

After spending a couple of hours there - we wandered off in the direction of the local shopping mall. We took a short cut thru the BA Botanical Gardens - which instead of being overrun by dogs (like everywhere in Sth America) - this garden was overrun by stray cats... We dubbed it the "Garden du Gatos" or something.

After reaching the local (twisty shaped mall) - we were a bit dissappointed so we headed back to Florida (sleazy shopping) - and Ant bought another CD. I was trying to find a cool (tacky) BA touristy T-shirt and we had spent 40 mins trying to track down this shop. Once we did - I asked the man how much it was - he said back in English "Eighty Pesos" (I thought) - which equated to Australian T-shirt prices for a tacky touristy shirt. I stormed out in a fit of rage - but then on second thoughts - he probably said "eighteen" (which seemed to be the going rate for tacky shirts in the area).

Getting tired with Florida - we decided to make tracks back to Abasto (the mega mall from a couple of days ago which Paedro joined us). Since it was our last night in BA - I was under strict instructions to buy some Dulce de Leeche (condensed milk carmel flavoured) for an Argentine friend of a friend (back in Australia). We went to the "hyper mercado" neaby Abasto - and took 15 minutes wandering around the massive lanes to find it. Once we did - either the stuff was packed in "squishable" containers which would surely explode in our checked in luggage... or the stuff was in glass which would surely explode in our luggage. So we opted for the 1kg tin of the stuff... Ant bought two of them (one for our friend and one for us) - but I bit"hed at him saying - "you are carrying it!".

Back at Abasto - I bought some more cheap CDs (which if you have ever been to the cheap Parallel imported "Dirt Cheap CDs" store in Sydney - I think Argentina is the source for most of their cheap stuff). Ant bought another bloody t-shirt (to add to his Emelda Marcos collection). We opted for food court for tea (since it was about 9:30pm and everything was going to shut soon) - and got some $5 AUD steak and salad...

We caught the subway back home. A few comments about the subway - it is pretty much a miracle if you don't get pestered for money on every train. Also the Argentines have fairly unique ways of asking for money (eg: little girls handing out (returnable) Jesus cards, people handing out calendars, suicidal polka bands who prefer to risk life by crossing the electrified train tracks and risk getting hit by trains rather than walking up the stairs and changing platforms, etc). Ant pointed out that some of the "wooden" trains are more dangerous than the metal ones (they tend to "splinter" when they crash causing horrific pain and death for those inside - "Final Destination" style). Pedro claimed that BA gets the "hand me down" trains from China.

Back at the hostel - and Ant was giving internet tips to Pedro on how he can promote his hostel (till 1:30am in the mornin').

We had to get up early the next day to catch our flight to Santiago (Chile). We said our goodbyes to Pedro and Javier and thanked them with a bottle of tinto vino. Our taxi ride to the airport was a little scary when the taxi driver kept doing the Crucifix thing on his chest several times. At the airport - I almost managed to rundown my collection of Argentine pesos (only about $0.05 left) by buying overpriced coffee (with added cow lard) and underpriced Bounty Bars - made in Ballarat Australia.

South America Part 17 - Sightseeing in BA

After the previous non-latino time of 5am - we got up at the leisurely latino hour of 11 o'clock. We can get real used to this latino lifestyle.

We left the Big Friendly B&B and headed out of a day of sightseeing around BA on foot to the Presidential Palace. It was a great big "pink" coloured palace (Casa Rosada) where Eva Perón (aka Evita) used to give her speeches to the masses. A lot of the area had been "fenced" off (probably post 9-11) - but the fences didn't look very substantial.

Even though we had left at midday and the fact that it wasn't a Sunday (it was Saturday) - BA felt very sleepy. We also noticed that BA didn't just remind us of Paris - but also of New York with the long flat grid like structure with heaps of apartment buildings and parks.

From the Casa Rosada - we headed in the direction of downtown (where the boco celebrations were a couple of nights ago - ie: the obelisk). We crossed a massive 16 lane road on the way (although we didn't understand why the city needed streets so big when there was about a car per lane stopped at the traffic lights?¡!).

We wandered around until we hit the Congress Building (looked very American in architecture) where we found heaps of graffiti all over the place - especially the "F?¿¡ Bush" slogan everywhere. The graffitti here in BA puts the stuff in Australia to shame - it is either incredibly colourful (with heaps of paintings which span across whole building walls) and a lot of political stuff and stencilling.

Near the Congress Building - we walked thru a park where it had a "dog only" section. It had looked like the rabies was spreading in the dog pen - and a middle aged Argentine man was bearing the brunt of the dogs' attack.

After much walking - we hit the Recoleta - a huge cemetery the size of a city square block. It was filled to the brim of catholic/latin style crypts where most coffins were still visible. Buried deep amongst the labyrinth of gravesites lies Evita's final resting site (after being embalmed and buried in Milan). Her crypt is very modest compared to the rest of the completely over-the-top grave sites with Jesus statues and marble coffins. The elite and aristocracies are (according to LP) still pi$$ed off that she was buried here. The Recoleta was magnificent whilst being very ghoulish.

Right next door to the Recoleta was the "Style Mall" where we browsed around the swanky mall looking at Argentina's version of Ikea. The "Style Mall" got very unstylish when we hit the Hard Rock Cafe - so we made a quick dash out of there.

We headed to a nearby rich-b"tch mall - where everything was even pricier than the mall we went to on our first night in BA (the Galleria). It was 3pm and we needed some lunch - so Ant got a great steak sandwich and I went to Ave Ceasar (first mistake) and ordered a Pollo Napolitina Combo deal (second mistake). After I handed over my paseos to the woman at the cash register - I stood around waiting and didn't see anyone in the kitchen whatsoever. 5 minutes later - some guy appeared in the kitchen and began (slowly) to prepare someone's meal. I then saw him chuck my pollo (chicken) into the deepfryer where it sat for about five minutes. He then put on the saw (3 minutes later) and chucked it into the microwave for 2 minutes...where it sat for another five minutes. They should have named it thermo-nuclear pollo.

We made tracks (after eating some Freddo icecream) to the nearby Gallery of Fine Arts where we were pleasantly surprised by the sizable amount of famous european and american artists (including Monet, Picasso and Pollock to name a few). Also there was a few collections of Argentinean art which weren't too bad either. The gallery also had a small collection of photographs which were trying to emulate several different paintings in the gallery. The best thing about the gallery was - it was free...

Ant (being a trainspotter) had to see the BA central station. It was very french looking but the ceilings looked like they were undergoing some restoration work.

Because I needed to do some more shopping... we made tracks down to Ave Florida - a touristy tacky pedestrian walkway which wouldn't look too out of place at Surfers Paradise. I had tracked down a local record shop and bought a few CDs (new release legit CDs costs about AUD$14 each)...

After walking about 58 kms in the one day - we decided to be slack and catch the subway back home. Only AUD$0.30 a ticket - we couldn't complain.

Back at the B&B - Pedro suggested that we go out and have lots of meat at a nearby restaurant. So we took his advice and made our way there. Upon arrival - there was a line going out the door for tables - but we decided to stay put because it was recommended and if it was this busy - it must be good. And indeed it was. For about AUD$40 for the two of us - we had entrees (empanadas - pastie style meat things), two big steaks for mains (and I mean three times the size of steaks back in Australia), dessert for Ant (couldn't go past chocolate moussé) and not one but two bottles of tinto vino (red wine for you non-spanish speaking lot). I just hope we don't get too fat after this holiday.

The next day - we had another relaxed latino style breakfast (11am) and didn't bother to leave the B&B until midday.

We wandered past the "antique" district of San Telmo (where we are staying) to the nearby Boca stadium. It definitely felt like the wrong side of the tracks and we decided to perhaps pop our digital camera away in the bag and keep it there.

Ant and I got a couple of "Boca" (aka Soccer aka Football aka the World Game) souvenirs including a Boca wrist band and a sticker of Jesus wearing the local soccer colours.

We both checked out the very colourful (and touristy) La Boca. All the casas (houses) have brightly painted corrugated metal roofs and walls. If you ever need a tango fix - then La Boca is definitely your place - with just about every cafe having regular tango shows to appease tourists.

Right next door to La Boca are the completely feral "waters" (and I use the term waters very lightly) of the Raichuelo. I don't think we had seen a slimeier cess pit of stanky mess before. The "river" was of a very dark blackish colour and there was heaps of bubbles rising to the surface - probably made by the "creature of the black lagoon" or something. It also gave off the most revolting smell - a mix of gaseoline and dog food. LP suggests that maybe the locals should mine the river for mercury, lead and heavy metals which might be profitable. Perhaps - they should bottle the water and label it "Mountain Dew".

On our way back from La Boca - we were just happily minding our own business when suddenly a huge explosion rocked the street. What we thought was sporadic gunfire and bomb explosions was actually soccer fans letting loose with firecrackers. Apparently - firecrackers are poorly regulated and very big and dangerous in Argentina...even more so than Canberra (a very hard to believe fact). We decided to make fast tracks out of there. On the topic of explosions and BA - Ant came up with two movie references where BA is destroyed by aliens. One is Starship Troopers - where BA is blown up by giant ants (I tried searching IMDB for a memorable quote but all I could find was this one - Johnny Rico: I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill 'em all! ). Also - Ant claims that BA was blown up by the aliens in Independence Day... Not the Paris of the South!

We wandered some more thru the Sunday markets around San Telmo where most shops either have a Ché or Diago Maradona fixation. BA must be the market capital of the world - just about every park or unbusy street seems to have a market going on - no matter what day of the week it is.

We had lunch at a local cafe slash bar slash restaurant and had some cheapo pasta (it is cheaper to eat at a cafe than it is to eat at the food court). We washed it down with some more ice cream...

And now - that is an up-to-the-minute account of our holiday so far. We are about to have a siesta before we hit (with Pedro and Javier) the local discothèque (the "Palacio" to be correct). Adios for now.

South America Part 16 - Colonia and Uruguay and Buquebus...

Another day - another early touristica 5 am start in order to catch a ferry (aka Buquebus) to another country to check out a town (aka Colonia in Urguay for a day trip)...

After hailing a taxi (for $3AUD) to the downtown area of BA to get to the Buquebus termnial for the aforementioned Buquebus journey - we discovered that the Buquebus termnial was battling Qantas for the stakes of the 2005 Anarchist Convention Title... Even thought it was a lame ferry - we had to line up in three queues in order to get our tickets in able to board. Once we had the tickets - we had to pass thru the "security" of Buquebus. Because I was familar with the toughest of security check points on the planet - I had taken off my belt, my wallet, my money belt and any other metallic objects on my possession and placed it thru the x-ray machine. After I had successfully passed the x-ray / metallic screening - I had noticed that the metal detector was buzzing at just about every single passenger that went thru it!

The Buquebus itself (despite its flash / photoshopped to the maximum website - www.buquebus.com ) was like it hadn't been renovated since the late 1970s. It had looked like someone had personally jizzed on every seat (note to Buquebus - it is time you get your seats steamcleaned!). We made our way past the duty free shop and the arcade featuring original 1990 games (hello Mortal Kombat 1 and Terminator 2 Pinball machine - these came out when I was 10)... to the front of the bottom floor and found us some seats near to the front of the boat. We were sort of enjoying ourselves peacefully for about half an hour until, out of the blue, an elderly Argentinean couple sat down right in front of us and reclined their seats to the extreme... This was war - game on! I then proceded to play "footsies"/"kicking the seat" games with the grandpa in front. After about half an hour - they moved and went away. Some other random person sat down in their seats - and after he went - I convinced Ant to sit in them so noone would fully recline the seats into me. 20 minutes later - the elderly couple came back and Ant "play-acted" sleeping so they would leave us alone.... The old man grumbled a bit and then stormed off... Victory.

The Buquebus journey took about three hours - and when we rocked up to Colonia - it took about 15 minutes for everyone to get off the boat (note to Buquebus - in an emergency - everyone will need to get off faster than 5 minutes!). We were dumped off at the ferry terminal - but it wasn't a problem getting into town (Colonia takes about an hour to walk around everywhere by foot).

Colonia is a fairly historical town in Uruguay. It was founded by the Portuguese in 1680 and was controlled by the Spanish in the 1700s. There was a historic battle in the second world war at Colonia (between the Allies and the Nazis) or something.

We walked up and down the mainstreet twice before we settled on having lunch at El Drugstore - where hamburgers were served (sin buns, tomato, lettuce and sauce)... After lunch - we both wandered off in a tipsy daze (after downing a couple of beers). The waitress ran down the street after us - I had forgotten my bag (con my 20gig I Pod...). Oppps.

We wandered around a bit - and settled on paying USD$1 to go up to the top of the local lighthouse. It was a tight spirial staircase which could only permit one way traffic. The men running it probably had some sort of sadistic pleasure out of letting multiple people in both directions in it at the same time.

All the shops didn't just accept Uruguay Paseos - but also US$s and Argentina Paseos as well - so all menus had about three different pricing schemas to make things confusing. We were probably ripped off a bit in the currency conversion - as we only used the Argentina Paseos (couldn't be bother getting Uruguay Paseos just for a day trip).

We got a "Museum Mega Pass" for $1USD - and checked out a couple of (very small) museums. Of course - everything was in Spanish so we couldn't understand a word. By the time we had checked out three museums - they had all closed up (having a closing time of 4:15pm - and Uruguay being 1hour ahead of Argentina)...

Everything was rather scenic and pretty - but it was quite small and very touristy. We couldn't help but feel that this place felt like the New South Wales' South Coast for BA residents and Montevideo residents. Everything was touristed related. It almost felt like most of the homes were holiday houses for nearby residents. We couldn't help but feel a little underwhealmed by the rave Colonia had received in LP.

Anyhow - by the fifth time we had walked up the same strech of main street (and the fact that there was torrential rain that was remininscent of the storm on our last day of Canberra that had killed someone at Curtin) we decided to make our way back to the ferry terminal and stick around there (for three hours) until our 8:30pm ferry departed. Of course - when we had passed thru immigration and was sitting in the less than ritzy Buquebus cafeteria - the storm had passed and the sun was out.

Our main mission on our return trip on the Buquebus - was to get a front row seat so noone could recline the seats in front of us. Mission Achieved! Because of the early start and the late night from the cinemas the night before - we were fairly trashed (all day) and were both happy to crash on the trip back to BA. Buque Bus were doing their best to make sure we didn't sleep by playing their TVs (with continual Buquebus theme tune music and advertisments) at eleven.

Despite Pedro's sound advice - we decided to have a quick 11:30pm (Latino time) bite for dinner at a local pízza shop nearby the B&B. We ordered one (cheesy) pizza and two beers for about AUD$3. The beer mugs came with optional grime.

Upon our return to the B&B - we decided to share a bottle of good champaigne with Pedro and Jaiver. We had received the bottle (2 actually) from our previous day of shopping at the mall. I couldn't imagine Westfield Woden having a promotion like that anytime soon.

Buenos Noches...

South America Part 15 - Shopping in BA and King Kong

We got up (more like Latino time aka 10am) in the morning and had a slow style breakfast.

We were introduced to Pedro - partner of Jaiver at the "Big House Bed and Breakast" (who runs/manages the aforementioned establishment). We got along like a house on fire and he suggested "...maybe we should go shopping today together...". So what the hey... Ant and I went shopping with Pedro.

We took a quick stroll down to the metro (if we hadn´t mentioned previously - is the oldest metro on the continent and is also quite quaint with its light fixtures and subway stations) and caught the train to the nearest mall (aka Abasto Mall).

Once there - it was four levels of Australian Dollar shopping heaven... Just about everything on sale was of merchantable quality (not of Peru market quality) and was less than 1/2 the price of Australian stuff.

Ant and I went crazy - Ant had bought about half a shop´s worth and I bought 3 tee-shirts and some shorts worth of stuff. Pedro was the perfect guide - very patent... very comptempt at putting up with Ant trying on five different pairs of pants in every shop.

...If two McDonalds weren´t enough in a mall...there were three McDonalds - and one of them (believe it or not) was a McDonalds Kosher restaurant. Apparently - BA has a big population of Jewish people - so it must warrant having a McDonalds Kosher restaurant (or something). However - I had settled on Pasta and Ant - on Steak (food court style). We had both dosed up on anti-gastro drugs which made our eating experience a little more enjoyable.

After a busy day of Food Courtin´and Mall Shopping - Pedro and Jaiver (pronounced Hhhhavier) and Ant and I decided on going to the AUD$3.50/ticket screening of King Kong and the local multiplex. (¡Another Bargin!) Speaking of bargins - the food at the multiplex wasn´t AUD$80 per popcorn - rather $3 for a big coke and popcorn.... ACE!

King Kong was a pretty good popcorn film. Ant was incredbly funny - he had to cower 3/4 of the length of the film because he was too scared! He not only ducked under the seat but was breathing heavily the entire film. Also - of note - I haven´t personally been to a movie where the audience cried at the ending - but there was definately a couple of Argetinean woman who cried at the end of the screening. Cool.

Unfortunately - we didn´t realise that the movie was for 3 plus hours and that we had a 6am start the next day to go on the BoqueBus to Colnoia. Opps!

Ciao!

South America Part 14 - First day in Buenos Aires (BA) and "The Gastro Strikes Back"

We arrived at BA airport around 7am the next day. The airport itself was sort of like an oxymoron – half rambshakle-ly slummy – half ritzy. (It is sort of like they had run out of money when the Argentina economy collapsed a couple of years ago).

We rocked up to the “official” taxi counter and a porter took our bags to a taxi waiting outside. He then embraced the taxi driver and kissed him on the cheek (apparently – this is the norm for Argentinean men). The speed limit on the road out of the airport was 100kms /hr but it felt like we were traveling at 200kms/hr. There were several tolls along the way to the city – when the driver paid one of the tolls – he tried to chat up the toll booth lady (apparently – this is the norm for Argentinean men).

Our hostel (or bed and breakfast to be precise) is an old converted warehouse – which is very roomy and well decorated. Ant and I crashed until 2pm (as we only had 3 hours sleep the night before). We have finally adjusted to Latino time!

We both went to a Argentinean pub across the road for lunch. We both ordered “Ravioli with Chicken” and a beer each. We didn´t realize that a “beer” was 700mls big and “Ravioli with Chicken” was a little bit of ravioli with half a dead chicken and a whole baguette. This meal for me – was the start of “The Gastro Strikes Back” – and I was out of action for the rest of the day.

Ant ventured out on his own and had a wonderful time (sin Nick). He checked out the river and the shopping district and managed to get lost on his way back to the Big House Bed and Breakfast.

BA was described by LP (Lonely Planet) as being the "Paris of the South". If this is the case - we have been to the Paris of the South, the East (Hanoi), and the West and North (Paris?). It is full of beautiful old buildings and sidestreets - it very much feels like a European city...with not as much money as Spain or France.

When I managed to get off my sick bed – Ant took me to the parts of the city he had explored earlier that day. The river is almost like a “Darling Harbour/Themes in London” sort of district where it was an old unused port which has now become a ritzy restaurant / bar district. There were a couple of unbuilt buildings along the river – which tended to suggest that they had run out of money building the buildings.

At the end of the river – we found the Buque Bus ferry terminal (the ferry terminal which we will depart from in a couple of days time for a day excursion to Urguray – where we, as Australians, will be fearing our lives after Urguray´s crashing defeat against the Soccerroos recently). If you are in need of ear bleeding advertising muzak – then you should visit the following website – http://www.buquebus.com/.

Near the terminal – we managed to get a glimpse of the presidential helicopter in action – landing at the nearby presidential palace. Also – there was an interesting building which Ant calls the “Opera House” as it looks like it was trying to copy the Sydney Opera House in design.

Just down the road – I was accosted by a couple of strippers with large breasts (they didn´t look too dissimilar to the Bundy Girls in Australia) handing out flyers to some strip club. Reading the flyer – there are two “shows” – one “para ellas” with “streapers masculinos, shows termáticos” and one “para ellos” with “Sexy table dancer” and “high performance”. Apparently there is also “Body Paint / Light Buffet”. Something for everyone.

Argentina is a vegetarian’s nightmare. Everywhere sells steak, steak and more steak. You can get steak everywhere. You can buy steak down at the local shopping mall food trough for as little as $4 or $5 Australian Dollars. Even their hamburgers are filled with a big 4 inch thick steak. Due to our stomachs being both wretched – we found a vegetarian quiche option ($7 AUD for two biigg slices of quiche and two drinks). We scoffed that down and went straight for the Argentine ice cream shop. As we are spanishly challenged – the ice cream shops in Argentina are pretty difficult to order – as all the ice cream flavours are concealed in big steal drums. But once you get over the language difficulties – the ice cream is fantastic. (WAY BETTER THAN GOODBERRIES / JIZSIM BACK IN CANBERRA!).

The local soccer team had won some Argentina competition today – and BA was like a riot zone around the centre of town. Heaps of locals were letting off big (and we mean BIG) firecrackers – making it sound like there was gunfire everywhere. Like moths to the flame – we were drawn to the big mob which were hanging around the big obelisk in town. There we were approached by a crazy (slightly drunk) middle aged Argentinean couple. The woman knew a little bit of English – and I think she was keen to practice it on us. Half way thru the conversation (despite saying that we were from Australian on several occasions) – the man kept thinking we were from East Germany.

Back at the hostel – and Ant discovered he was getting the case of the “Gastro Strikes Back”.
Stayed tuned peoples…

South America Part 13 – Peru Fallout

I can´t believe that I forgot to mention a couple of things about Peru.

Here were a couple of fantastic examples of Spanglish that we encountered in Peru.

The first memorable example was on LAN Peru – wherby everytime we landed – the flight attendant in their diatribe would announce “We appreciate your preference.” Period.

Also – here are a couple of gems from the Hotel Balsa Wood Inn – Hotel Regulations in Puno:

“7. Pets are request not to entertain in their rooms.”

“8. Guests are requestr not to entertain in their room.”

“9. The hotel has the right to ask the check out of customers I they do or support some mad behaviours against the quitness and moral of the Hotel.”

…and no – none of those were typos.

Also – on our last day in Puno – we walked down “Tout Street” for the last time. We didn´t get touted – but as we were leaving tout street – an old man shouted “¡Gringos!” at us. There is a first for everything.

During our time at Lima Airport – we managed to have that Peruvian traditional cuisine of McDonalds – except it seemed to taste a whole lot better than the s$$$ at home. I bought it first – and then sat down with my meal. Ant took a picture (wanting evidence of my weakness) – but then subsequently bought a meal at McDonalds…

I spent most of the time asleep on our flight to BA (Buenos Aires) – but accidentally woke up for about 30 minutes and watched Bewitched (the Movie). Ant had watched it to our first flight to Lima and said the whole premise of the movie was that Nicole Kidman could wiggle her nose like the original Bewitched could. Sounds like a “half a joke” sort of movie.

Anyway - next post - ¡Hola from Argentina!

South America Part 12 – Puno, Juliaca Airport and Lima Airport…

Woke up early (yet bloody) again… Damn South America and its lack of daylight saving and thick curtains. Both went down to the Hotel Basla Wood Inn´s breakfast – this time it was a buffet – consisting of some juice that tasted weird, heaps of coca tea, a couple of bits of stale bread and strawberry jam like substance. We had both stayed clear from the yoghurt which was sitting in a jar (possibly for two hours without refrigeration) – didn´t want to have another day at gastro city.

I need to do a quick rant about Coco leaves. You can get coco at Peru just about everywhere. We have been drinking it pretty much since we got here. Other people have told me that you won´t sleep for hours after drinking it – but I could. Our tour guide from yesterday “Vladdy” – said you need 100kg of Coco leaves to make 1kg of cocaine (but who needs 1kg?!). Anyhows – coco is pretty much entrenched in Peruvian culture – and the government is under pressure (probably from the U.S) to ban it. LP suggests that if you drink a lot of coco tea – that you might test positive for cocaine. So I´m hoping that we won´t get tested for it anytime soon.

We had organised a “personal tour” of Sillustani (a pre-inca and inca ruins nearby Puno) but they weren´t going to pick us up until 10:30am, which meant we had a bit of time to kill in Puno.

We both decided to go up the hill to a nearby lookout (despite LP suggesting that we would get robbed). We made it (including our wallets and bags) and the lookout looked like underage kids get up to no good at nighttime here…

We headed back to the hotel to try to get up-to-date with this blog. I had accidentally “bumped” the powerpoint on the free-internet computer at the Hotel and the computer died. It sort of smelt like burning…and when you try to attempt to replug the cords in – all the safety switches go loco and there are strong bursts of light coming from the outlet in the wall… They had a multiple power adaptor plugged into another adaptor plugged into the single outlet in the wall… Gotta love cheap electrical jobs…

We got picked up (by the taxi driver in a non sexual way) and was taken to Silluatani – which was about half way from Puno to Juliaca. There were hardly any tourists (in fact – tourists here were outnumbered 10 to 1 by noisy Peruvian school kids who liked to climb all over the ruins for kicks). It took us about 1 hour to see the complete sight and it had a spectacular surroundings (by a lake and Death Valley style plateaus). Silluatani was a ceremonial burial ground, first developed by the Colla people – but when they “merged” with the Incas – more obvious Inca like architecture was adapted.

The taxi driver managed to drop us 3 and a half hours early to the Juliaca airport. There was not a soul in sight (even though you were free to roam around the airport). We managed to wake up the restaurant people (siesta time or something?) and grabbed a beer and a “hot dog” – another curious “lost in translation” style dish. It was a couple of frankfurts – grilled and split into half and put on a toasted sesame bun…

Because there were only two flights a day – the gift shop staff were packing up as soon as we were boarding.

Our flight to Lima (via Arequipa – logically) was fairly non eventful…except when all the Arequipa people got on the flight and brought about 10 pieces each of oversized hand luggage. When I wanted to get out my PSP – I had to remove this guy´s big suitcase. He gave me and Ant the death stare when we moved his stuff. Ant and I spent the rest of the flight bitching about him.

So now here we are – sitting around Lima Airport (because I (Nick) was too tired to go into Lima at 7pm at night – and we are running out of soles). It is currently 9:50pm and we still have 3 hours before we board to Buenos Aires.

Until next time…

South America Part 11 - Lake Titicaca

Another day, another tour, another bloody start at 6 in the mornin...

We got up out of bed on time and headed down to the hotel breakfast at Hotel Bulsa Wood Inn.... it had to be the worst breakfast thus far on our holiday. A couple of stale bits of bread, something that slightly resembles strawberry jam, some luke warm coffee and a small fruit salad where the bananas didn´t taste like they should...

We caught a bus down to Puno Port and hopped on a Sari Touristico Class boat - which actually was pretty swanky considering we only paid 30 soles each. Our guide was called "Vladdy" - but with his accent it sounds like "Bloody". But he happened to s### all over our Colca Canyon guide - very knowledgble (he mentioned something about having some uni degrees or something) and funny. He also claimed that he had guided Ernie Dingo (for the Great Outdoors show) around Isla Taquile (which we will get to later in this post). From my death bed the other day - I had picked out that Ernie Dingo had a cameo in Crodoilio Dundee Dous.

Our first stop was the “Floating Islands” or “Islas Flotantes” or “Islas de Uros”. Although LP (Lonely Planet) bitches that this is over commercialized – we both thought it was pretty incredible. The Uros people (during the 7 cities of gold period aka Incas) fled the Incas by moving out to the lake and building floating houses. This turned into mini islands made out of some “floatable” roots and reeds. Ancestors of the Uros (who aren´t pure blood anymore) still live here in a very environmentally friendly way. They have 100 and one uses for the reeds on the island – they make boats out of them, houses out of them… at one point – a woman started to eat a reed. I told Ant – I hope they don´t f### the reeds as well! The people there had “mini” fish farms (all to eat) and they also eat several kinds of birds (including flamingo) and guinea pigs. They even had a hut full of cute guinea pigs – but our guide warned us – “these are no pets!”.

LP mentioned that these islands are too commercial – but hey – when you have something so unique – you might as well try and make a buck out of it. Most of the woman weave tapestries and sell them to tourists. The men make small colourful boats (to also sell to tourists). Ant bought a tapestry and a little wooden plate (something to declare at customs).

We also went on a reed boat ride to another island. The guide said there was a “suggested donation of 5 soles¨. When it was time to pay the “suggested donation” – I handed over a bunch of Peruvian coins and US currency (which was well more than 5 soles. The woman carefully audited the suggested donation to make sure I wasn’t a cheap skate.

A two and a half hour boat ride later (on the Suri Touristico class boat – not the Floating Island Boat) – we arrived at Isla Taquile – “the little cuba in the lake”. The place looked absolutely beautiful. It was quite arid and hilly – but set against the backdrop of a pristine blue – turquoise lake – you could almost think it was the Mediterranean (except it 3000m above sea level and pretty cold considering it was summer!). We trekked up to the town for lunch and learnt heaps about the customs of the people there.

Men are the only ones who are allowed to knit. They make all sorts of things including hats, jumpers and man-bags. Men wear big, baggy hats – which, depending on whether or not they are married, have different colours. Those who wear a half red and half white hat – are single. Those with a red only hat – are married. And those who wear a rainbow coloured hat – are “very important people” according to our guide……. (well I think they are the leaders or something).

Single men stash their “stash” of coco leaves in their hat – while married men are allowed to stash their stash in their rainbow coloured man-bags.

You might recall that this place is known as the “little cuba of the lake”. Basically – everyone lives as the one big group. Any money made on farming, or tourism is divided equally amongst the community. The good thing about this was that the “touts” or people selling stuff to tourists – were the least aggressive out of all “touts” in Peru. You cannot haggle on prices as everything is fixed. Another interesting fact is that, even though there are multiple restaurants on the island – they all serve the same set menu for tourists (trout or omelets) – because they are all run by the same people…

We both highly enjoyed the tour – and the thing which really made our day – even though we were picked up second – we were dropped off second… Something we both wish the Colca Canyon people could learn about (we were picked up first and waited for about 90 minutes to pick everyone up – then we were dropped off last… a$$holes!).

After our long day touring around the Lake – we decided to have something different (in Peru anyway) – Chinese. We decided to order stuff similar to what we would have in Australia – a soup for an entrée and a main dish each with steamed rice. But to our horror – the soup (“simple wonton soup”) was the large size at the Woden Plaza (I mean Westfield!) food trough. Then – to finish us off – the size of the mains were about four times the size of Australian Chinese mains… (Although – it only cost us 40 soles for everything including drinks – cheaper than home).

Adios…until next time gringos…

South America Part 10 - Arequipa and Puno, Peru

Alleluhah– we finally got a day to lounge around in bed and not get up at 6 in the morning… Double alleluhah that we were both recovering from our bad bouts of gastro and we could finally eat some food.

Having a 1pm flight to Juliaca (then a shortish bus trip to Puno – aka town on Lake Titicaca), we both wanted to explore Arequipa more.

Taking Lonely Planets advice in heed – we both set off to the Monasterio de Santa Catalina – a whole city block´s worth of a nun monastery. It was definitely worth the 25 soles admission – and it was almost empty of tourists. It was very beautiful and serene – very much in the Spanish missionary style. There were a couple of exhibitions and galleries. One of the exhibitions showed how old nuns used to wear barb-wire outfits if they had sinned (sounds m&m). Even though there are still practising nuns there – they open up sections of it to tourists everyday. We can vouch for this – we saw a nun hanging out washing on the top of a building. The place looked like it had come straight out of a J-Lo video.

Our flight to Juliaca was early yet again. LAN appear like they continually run early – so our advice is for fellow passengers is to get there early. (I HATE QANTAS!)

On arrival at Juliaca – there were touts offering us 60 sole taxis to Puno – but we managed to get a mini van for 10 soles each (yes!). We even managed to convince a Dutchman not to take the taxi (he claimed he had bargained it down to 55 soles) and take the minivan instead.

We got dropped off at Hotel Basla Inn (we tend to think that the use of both hotel AND inn is kind of redundant…. Also – isn´t Balsa that cheap breakable wood?). The place was OK – but didn´t have the excellent range of TV channels Cusco and Arequipa had. Also – the Peruvians seem obsessed with having bathroom mats (not linen but those plastic mats). Hotel Basla Inn had not one but two plastic bathroom mats – one for the shower (?) and one for near the toilet… It is sort of like a hotel blanket that doesn’t get washed – but it lives near the toilet… Another thing too was the really bad spanlish in the “Hotel Regulations” – but I don´t have it with me (checked in the luggage to Buenos Aires – I´m becoming slow at writing these things) – and I promise I will come back to the bad spanglish in another post.

The town of Puno is also quite scenic (but not at the same level as Arequipa or Cusco). Puno had the compulsory town square with cathedral and a “tout street”. There was about 10 pizza restaurants in a row on tout street – each with their hardcore tout ready to arm tourists with crappy flyers. We managed to track down the Machu Pizza Restaurant (…we have BEEN to Machu PIZZA!) which was situated off tout street. Surprisingly it was full people (strange for any Peruvian restaurant) – most of locals (great sign!). And the pizza wasn’t half bad either for Peru!

South America Part 9 - Colca Canyon continued

We all had to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready for a bus pickup close to 6am. In reality - we were waiting around until 7am for the bus to show up.

We were taken to a couple of nearby town squares (including the one we had walked to yesterday). Instead of getting your picture taken with an alpaca or llama - you could get your picture taken with the Condor Man. If you partake with one soles - the man will let his condor grapple on top of your arm or head for a picture.

The bus ride to the Canyon was quite long (a couple of hours) and felt in parts to be even more scary than the trip down to lunch yesterday. At one stage - the bus entered a very long tunnel. Because the road isn´t sealed and there was something in front of us - you basically couldn´t see anything more than a meter in front of the bus. Elvis didn´t seem phased and just kept on driving (even tho the tour guide said - "can you see anything?").

Along the way - the bus pulled up to a "crack" alongside the road. Albert explained that this was infact a geological fault line and that there was an earthquake here in the 1990s that killed heaps of people. I was thinking - "great - why are we pulled up alongside it for two minutes... Let´s get out of here!!".

When we finally got to the canyon - Elvis stopped the bus about 1 foot away from a cliff. Thankfully he quickly reversed away from the 1km drop.

The Canyon itself was rather spectacular - it was incredibly deep (apparently it is the second deepest in the world) and was very steep. All of the tourist buses drop everyone up at a alleged ¨Condor¨ look out. I think I saw (in total) two big birds which I had thought were condors but someone told me that they were too small.

Ant managed to get off his sick-bus-bed and walk out and get some fresh air along the track in the canyon. I was feeling adventerous (and also busting for a number one) - so I ventured far down the track so noone could see me doing my business. On my return - I managed to dodge some Peruvian kids firing slingshots at people.

After 90 minutes we hopped back onto the bus - Ant was feeling a little less ill and Albert, our guide, wanted to take us to another lookout for the chance to see condors. We had to trek about 1/2 km off the bus (even though this doesn´t sound much - it is at the altitude and it is when you begin to come down with gastro!). Of course we didn´t see any condors. Albert kept claiming that their nests were around here - but he started to sound like a fool.

When returning to the bus - I (Nick) started to feel really bad. I had managed to pick up Ant´s gastro bug but unfortunately for me - there were no toilets until 2 hours away.

When we hit the town that we had lunch the previous day - the bus pulled up at a different resturant. I attempted to get off the bus first to use the toilets but alas - someone had beat me to it. I had to wait about 5 minutes before I could use the gents toilets. When I got in - the toilet was convientantly missing a toilet seat and toilet paper. I had to wait another 10 minutes before the waiter got some "paper" - but it was a tad embarassing - as the toilet was situated right smack next to the main dining room and noises from the toilet were definately audible from the dining room.

Because we packed lightly - we forgot to take with us on the tour our first aid kit (including antibotics and gastro pills). Thankfully - the aussies who were with us the night before donated some pills to make the 4 hour bus trip back to Arequipa a more enjoyable experience for all.

On the way back to town - Elvis had about 2 x 30 minute cassette tapes of various early 80s and late 70s western music. I think I had heard "Down Under" and "Eye of the Tiger" about five times. It was so loud - I couldn´t get any rest... Amusingly tho - I did hear "Staying Alive" about four times - considering Elvis´driving was so bad...

We finally got back to Arequipa well after 5:30pm... We both crashed at the Casa de Tintin again... I was so delerious that I watched the entire length of "Crocodilio Dundee Deus" on the movie channel. I can´t remember laughing once.

Ant bravely ventured out to town by himself (I just didn´t want to stomach any food) - and unbravely ate more Johnny Coyete! So ends another day on this glorious country...