South America Part 2 - Melbourne Airport

Greetings from sunny Melbourne Airport - where Qantas is f####d and waiting around for cancelled flights really suxs....

After our cancelled flight in Canberra - we arrived in Melbourne ("just in time") for our 12:20pm flight to LAX. As we waited on the tarmac, the captain kept giving out messages over the P.A:

"We have to wait for a party from Perth to arrive..."
"We have to wait 5 minutes before the Engineers can work out what is wrong"
"We have to wait another 15 minutes before the Engineers can work out what's wrong"
"We have to switch off the power and reboot the computer..."

We actually had to wait three hours on the tarmac while the plane's airconditioning system failed to work. I had overheard the flight attendant saying it was 35 degrees at the back of the plane.

Aparently - one of the airplane's "fuel computer" was giving "loco" readings and Qantas had to order one from Sydney (as they don't keep the parts in Melbourne). So they got everyone to get off the plane.

Of course - the flight from Sydney had mechanical problems - so we were late in getting the spare part.

Three hours later - Qantas decided to "delay" the flight because they couldn't find any new crew members to fly (as they can't work for more than 20 hours at any one time). We were thinking to ourselves - "why didn't they postpone the flight 6 hours ago so we could do some Melbourne sightseeing instead of being trapped at the airport all day long".

When they announced this over the PA at the Qantas Club - they told everyone to go back to the gate - where things were organised like a Anarchist convention. The woman at the gate kept on coming up with different stories like:

"We are going to postpone the flight until 12pm tomorrow..."

then

"We are going to have to leave at 5am tomorrow morning because of Qantas operational requirements - or else we will cancel!" - which equates to you are going to have to check in at 3am tomorrow morning so you can board a flight which will land in LAX at 1am West Coast time. Great!

Anyhows - they attempted to split up everyone into two lines (those who want taxis and those who want hotel accommodation). They even mixed up the First Class passengers with the plebs (which was pretty poor for customer service).

Also the nice woman at the gate said "You are all going to have to stay here until 7pm because Customs won't process you!"... Greeeat!

We were all checked in to the Hilton next door, which wasn't too bad except for the fact it only had two lifts to get into the building and there was a queue the size of Disneyland to get in.

We were given free dinner passes but we both decided to blow it off and go to McDonalds down the road. It could be a Melbourne thing - but when Ant got his Big Mac - it had a sizeable bite taken out of it courtesy of the kitchen staff. Yummo! I guess they are right in the McDonald's commercial - that "McDonald's has changed" - cause I can't remember people biting big chunks out of my happy meal as a kid.

If you thought the worst of our troubles were over - we rocked up at the hellish hour of 3am to Melbourne airport the next morning to check in. We thought "this won't take too long" as we lined up in the Business queue - but it took 2 and a half hours to check in. Qantas had also worked out that there is a curfew at LAX and the customs staff there don't work past midnight (or something). So they decided to stop checking in people because we might not be allowed off the plane at LAX.

About an hour later after this announcement - the Qantas Duty Manager said that the head of Qantas over at America had written a letter to LAX (or someone) demanding that they keep open customs and immigration... no matter what the cost...!

So we finally checked in - and here we are at the Melbourne Qantas club - 24 hours after departing from home in Canberra.

I wish this blog wasn't a "Qantas hater" blog - but it is definately turning out to be just that.

Stayed tuned Qantas haters...