Japan Part 14 - Homeward Bound 2 - Homeward Bound Harder

As I had fully packed the night before - I had a relatively relaxing breakfast. Although I had consistently been eating it - my dad had overstocked bacon and eggs - and we had to leave half of it there. We left a couple of beers in the fridge. My dad the previous night was thinking about bringing 3 cans of cheap Japanese beer back home to Australia - but I convinced him that maybe it would be better if you just left the beer here (instead of lugging it for 5550 miles). My mum brought her apocalyptic supply of toilet paper, all the way from Australian to Niseko - only to find the apartment had its own apocalyptic supply.

As Hokkadio Tracks (company running the apartment) were early in picking up Ant a couple of days ago - they had to "balance" out their performance by being late for us. My mum went into "crazy-psycho" mode as she called up "Tracks" to ask "where the hell is the transport?!". As we were standing around in the lobby - a woman who was getting a van started (for about 5 minutes) suddenly decided to walk thru the door and say "I'm taking you to the bus station". Thanks but you could have said this 5 minutes ago!

We made it onto our bus (after the mad Hokkadio panic attack). The bus driver was definitely more aggressive than the previous night's bus driver. He was maniacally overtaking cars and trucks on small, narrow and icy stretches of road. I was starting to have "flashbacks" to our bus trip in Peru with Elvis....

We arrived a couple of hours early at Sapporo airport. JAL have the most confusing check-in service in the free-world. You need to go to a counter - and get your tickets (without showing ID)... Then you need to go to another counter and check your bags in... It is all very japanesey (let's have lots of staff everywhere and make it all craaazzy!).

We all checked out the Sapporo airport mall - which is chock full of Japanese "knick-knack" stores and food shops. Japanese have a big h@rd-on for little cutesy stuff, like "Hello Kitty" mobile phone string things and puffy green balls. Sacha splurged out on a "Kuma"-Puma style t-shirt (where Kuma is japanese for bear) and some boxer shorts with a little japanese cartoon character whose was well-endowed, dressed in a sailor suit - saying "Stand to Attention" in Japanese.

In order to "outshop" and "outstage" Sacha - Taeko went crazy at all of the food shops. They all claimed to selling products which were "Hokkaido-famous" and Taeko seemed to be able to back up these claims. They had freeze-dried strawberries in chocolate (something I was debating with Sacha that you couldn't bring back thru customs in Australia), Camembert cheese cake (something you couldn't bring back to Australia), lots of fish (something you couldn't bring back to Australia) and a cheese mouse ice-cream (something you couldn't bring back to Australia) - basically - they stocked stuff you can't bring back to Australia!

We all met up at the "food court" - which was basically a collection of restaurants. After being denied a table at one restaurant (because we had 5 people - and they only had tables for four - despite the fact that all the chairs weren't fixed to the ground), we went to a japanese/western restaurant where my parents had been to before on their last visit to Sapporo. We know our s### and ordered some pretty good japanese food (apart from Dad's who had inadvertently swallowed a spoonful of wasabi - full of radish goodness!).

Our domestic flight to Haneda Airport in Tokyo on JAL was a bit cruddy. After forking out $180 per ticket and getting half of a really small cup full of apple juice (come on people - they didn't even have Coke!!) - I was understandably a bit pi$$y.

As you do - my parents had booked these internal flights to Haneda airport instead of going directly to Narita... so we all went on a $35 bus thru Tokyo past Tokyo Disney (which looks a lot like the Magic Kingdom at Disneyworld which looks a lot like Disney Land at LA), except for Taeko - who was spending another week with her family.

My parents - the rich "frequent-flyer" beetches that they are - were traveling on "Business Class", whereas my brother and I were back in "Coach" class. Despite this - we all checked in at the Business Class line - where my mum was trying to convince the check-in lady that we should all be given passes to the business class lounge. She failed to convince her. I then pulled out a "complementary" Qantas Club pass (given to me by Ant) and showed it to her. Ant (who is a FF nutter - and knows all of the rules to all of the FF schemes - and then some) wasn't very convinced that I would be able to use it. But the woman grabbed it off me - and started writing down in Japanese on a bit of paper to let me in to the club.

When we got to club - my mum tried to pull a funny on the front counter door b#tch and said to Sacha - "just run in!". Sacha didn't.

My mum then tried to convince the lady to let us all in and that she didn't want to leave us in the dark, cold and scary airport gates by ourselves (despite me being 26 and Sacha being 25)... She said no.

I said to my Mum - "what about my complementary pass?". She then thumbled thru her handbag and coat trying to find the piece of paper. After about a minute of tense stressing - wondering if my Mum had lost my complementary pass sheet of paper - she pulled it out. The lady gave it a funny eye - and said "Only three can come". My mum said - "we can't leave our (25) year old son out by himself!!". When the lady said no - my mum grabbed her boarding pass and screamed out "I'm not going in!!" and raced off. I shouted back to her "I'm not leaving" - walked into the club and staked out some seats.

My dad materialised 5 minutes later saying that mum was going to go shopping instead. The lounge itself wasn't worth the drama scene that my mum had created - it made the Qantas Club look like the Ritz. There was a bowl of crackers, dodgy individually rapped plastic cheese bits, some really dodgy crackers, and a automatic beer vending machine. It makes the Qantas Club's foccacias look like food at a 5 star restaurant.

My mum turned up to the club (despite claiming never to return) - without my brother - who was given 2000 yen to buy food (the equivalent of almost $30 AUD) - life is tough.

We all had a couple of drinks - mum had read a few posts of the blog and had gotten really offended one the one where I said she "freeked out on the mountain" and that she was a "full time bridge nutter". I told her I had toned it down from "full time unemployed bridge nutter" - but she still wasn't happy. Despite being with my mum (who wanted editorial control over some of the content) - I think that this blog has retained its "fair and balanced" approach to our holiday experiences. I stand by my claim that my mum had "freeked" out on the mountain. It is a "big FOX fact!". I report - you decide.

Our flight to Sydney - took the "scenic route" via Cairnes "International" airport - Australia's tackiest airport - with more Ken Dome crap than any other airport. Although Sacha and I had an exit row to ourselves - I think I had managed to rack up less than an hour's sleep - and the greater than an hour "layover" in Cairnes wasn't doing me any good.

On the actual flight to Sydney - our plane was chockers - and Sacha was forced back to my exit row - where I managed to rack in 20 minutes of dozing-off sleep - making it a grand total of 1 hour and 20 minutes of sleep in the space of 36 hours of traveling. Who needs sleeping pills? And Qantas were kind enough to serve us a "domestic flight" breakfast - including some "Just Right" and a stale museli bar. Ahhh Qantas - bringing the ritziness back to international jetsetting!

After hanging around for 30 minutes at the baggage area - waiting to get back all of our stuff including skis, we had to make our way thru the understaffed customs area. Of note - if customs is really busy - they have officers going thru the "Something to Declare" line - telling you - just go through the "Nothing to Declare line" - but you get x-rayed which is probably more intrusive than the "Nothing to Declare" line where you just show them what you want to show them. This time - I didn't smuggle in any illegal copies of Ken Park.

We all raced to the domestic terminal - fearing that we were going to miss our Canberra flight... But in true Qantas Link form - our flight was really late (30 minutes late). They have a slogan on the wall saying "More Flights, More Seats, More Often" - but I think it would be more accurate if it was "More Flights, More Late, More Often".

To wrap things up - we had a great time in Japan - and I am very happy that Ant enjoyed his snowboarding. So much so - he bought a jacket (hopefully - this will mean he will do it some more!!). Ant has some really big "f### off" bruises on his thighs from the snowboarding - I hope he doesn't say to people that "I get mad when he serves me pork chops for dinner!". The snow was great at Niseko - I just wish the weather had been better - but hey - you can't have everything?! It was definitely memorable with Sacha and Taeko getting engaged - so no doubt we will be back off to Japan in the not-too-distant future. And I didn't lose anything or get anything stolen, or injured myself - as I forgot to organise travel insurance...

Saynora for now!!

Japan Part 13 - Sapporo Ice Ice Baby...

After semi agreeing the day before to go with the family for a day trip to Sapporo instead of skiing, my biggest fear materialised as the weather at Niseko was 100% blue skies and sunshine. As Homer Simpson once said - d'oh!

Chowing down on (yet again) some bacon and eggs - we were watching some truly bizarre breakfast television - Japanese style. In between the 8 minute news story on some hotel owner who didn't put disabled ramps in his hotel (or something) - there were cutaways to some big Japanese strong-man who enjoyed spending his time breaking non-stick frying pans with his bare hands. Also featured was a old, small Japanese guy who could do tricks with billiards (including smacking 100 yen coins into cups with billiard balls). There was also some guy who was in (what looked like to be) a giant condom. He bounced around for a couple of minutes before breaking out of the big condom. The two hosts were cheering the guy on.

I had mentioned to Taeko that you could get the HNK news back in Australia (via a digital set-top box) - but she says it is boring and prefers these sort of news shows - with minimum news and maximum weirdness! (Fox News...!).

Instead of catching the train to Sapporo (my mum was accusing me of being "stingy" from not wanting to pay for the expensive express train)... we had booked tickets on a 8am bus to Sapporo. The roads around Niseko are interesting to say the least. Most roads are covered either by road or ice and no cars wear "snow-chains" - they all seem to have winter grip tires. That may be all well and good - but there are a lot of drivers who hoon around at high speed around the place (maybe practicing Sega Rally in real life?). I find all of this a little strange as we all had great difficulty walking across roads at Niseko - fearing that we would slip on black ice.

When we eventually arrived in the middle of Sapporo (after passing thru endless bumper-2-bumper traffic) - we all checked out the Sapporo Snow Festival. The Snow Festival has not only giant sculptures and building replicas made out of snow but also a few big ice statues. Although the festival (on the whole) was a little on the commercial side. Most of the big festival sculptures had commercial backing from a giant Narnia movie piece (my mum had claimed she had never heard of Narnia or the Lion, the B###h and the Wardrobe and the subsequent pi$$-weak movie), noodle companies (sculpture with some aliens promoting instant noodles), or Melbourne tourism. I kid you not - there was a giant replica of Flinders Street Station. When I think of great Australian icons - I tend to think of the harbour bridge, Uluru or the Opera House - not Flinders Street Station (with the red light district around the corner). But on the whole - most of the sculptures were very impressive - including a detailed replica of some Shinto temple which was awesome.

There were heaps of "mini" sized sculptures - many of the them were based on various cartoon characters. Ant unfortunately missed out the five different Snoopy statues. I had Taeko take my picture next to that cute thing from the movie "Gremlins". There were a couple of curious sculptures of this "famous" Japanese comedian - but I thought it was just Flava Flav from Public Enemy.

Apart from the sculptures - there were a few other crazy activities to keep us all amused. There were a couple of music concerts happening including a lame J-Pop Girl Band whose backing track kept cutting out in the middle of songs and they all stood around looking confused. One of the members must of had a cold or something - as she was wearing one of those face-masks to shield others from her disease. Despite her illness - she was still dancing around the stage looking like she was in a J-Lo video (shakin' that a$$). There was a slide for tots made out of snow. The tots were dressed up in "puffy" ski gear - which made them look like beanbags being pushed down the slide. There was some American Military Band playing with an over happy / wholesome conductor being translated into Japanese. I had walked past them after their performance - and the conductor was talking to the translator saying "those girls can fit so much into their mouths". I don't think he was talking about food.

As Sacha had inappropriately dressed from Sapporo's weather (he had only brought one thin jumper) - we had to stop at a "Warming Hut" where Taeko was asking directions from the locals on how to get to our bus stop (sure fire way of getting lost). There was this old Japanese dude who gave my mum an origami pair of "lips" - I wasn't sure if he was just trying to crack onto women(?). He also gave a pair of lips to Taeko.

We made tracks over to a big mall near the JR Station. My mum has this crazy fixation for Japanese Noodle Soup - despite the fact that everytime we eat it - she spends 20 minutes flossing her teeth because of her adult-bracers. Because of this fixation for noodle soups - Taeko took us to (what I describe as) "the Disneyland" of Noodle Soup in the mall. You enter into a labyrinth of noodle soup shops - each with their own little theme and menu. We went to a pork noodle soup shop which was situated next to a steam train (which had a big sound show every 5 minutes - complete with "mooing" cows). This all very much pi$$ed us off - but none of the Japanese seem bothered by the horrible noise pollution.

After lunch - we splitted up and arranged to meet at the bus stop 10 minutes before our scheduled departure. Taeko went to buy her parents some crabs (of the seafood variety) as a present. The seafood (according to Taeko) is really famous in Hakidiao and everyone gets it couriered back to Tokyo.

Sacha was keen to check out "Bic Camera" - a big electronics shop which has CDs, DVDs, video games, TVs, MP3s, washing machines and even japanese "massage chairs". There was a rather big selection of massage chairs in the store - where a lot of locals were "testing" out. They are like a recliner - but only electrical and it gives you an all-body massage (including feet and hands). I thought it was comfortable - except for the occasional sharp jabs into my lower spine. One Japanese guy looked like he was having convulsions in the chair (his whole body was shaking around).

Our bus ride back to Niseko was painfully slow - as we got stuck behind a tractor going at 30kms/hr for half the journey. I was sitting over a heater (I didn't know this at the time) - and was stripping down to a t-shirt, wishing "I wish this bus driver would turn down the heat!". My parents thought "what the hell is he doing" as they all thought it was too cold on the bus.

We got back to Niseko around 9ish and went to a "Jingus Khan" BBQ restaurant - however I think they mean "Genghis Khan". We all ordered a "meat platter" except for my mum who just ordered "meat" (sin rice or anything to eat the meat with). It was all messy and hard to do whilst trying to eat and drink at the same time. Also - there was some old crazy senile guy running the place who kept forgetting to bring out menus. Of note - I don't think I saw one Japanese person at the restaurant eating (except for Taeko of course!). You probably already know that you shouldn't tip in Japan - but when we paid at the restaurant - the woman gave Sacha, Taeko and me a 5 yen coin. According to Taeko - this means that she wants to see you again (although 5 yen is worth about 5 cents Australian - so they would need to pay me more to get me back).

After stuffing my face full of beef at the restaurant and saying "no dessert" - but when we headed down to Saikeo Mart to pick up some supplies for the next day - I bought an ice cream...

Japan Part 12 - Nice day for a white wedding (proposal)...

Having Ant around and the need to get up to go to his lessons gave us all a reason to get up and hit the slopes before 10 am. Unfortunately - with Ant`s departure - we were all struggling to leave the appartment before midday...

My Master Skiing (aka my mum) and I were both determined to ski over to An'nupuri, as we didn`t quite make it the day before due to the shockingly bad weather and a "freek out" by my mother. The weather today was, in my opinion, the best we had experienced all week. Even though it was snowy and overcast, it was only minus 12 degrees (joy!).

An'nupuri was sort of like Higashiyama - although it had a few more runs and lifts.... and instead of the annoying J-Pop blaring out of the loudspeakers - they had a Beatles album on high rotation. I tend to agree with Beavis and Butthead when they said that "the beatles killed rock and roll"....

After hoonin` down a couple of black runs at An`nupuri - I am slowing coming to the conclusion that the black runs at Niseko aren`t that challenging (my brother will murder me for saying this!). I mean - most of them are ungroomed, a little bit steeper and have a couple of moguals here and there but I don`t think the Black runs here at Niseko at even at the Australian black run level....

After Mum was doing her usual "nah-nah" ("I am so cooold!"), even though we were experiencing minus 12 degree weather (a new Niseko temperature high)- we headed to a noodle ticket restaurant for lunch. I wanted to "mix it up" a bit and ordered "Chinese Wine Vingar" soup instead of miso soup.... boooyah!".

It was sort of getting late in the day (even though we had about three runs before lunch) so we both set off back in the direction of Hirafu. The weather in the afternoon was sort of "closing in" and my mum had had enough on our second run down Higashiyama - so we parted ways - the Master and her Guide (in our usual daily fashion). My mum had discovered some secret way from the slopes back to our apartment via skiing - but we never skied together by the end of the day.... so her secret way to ski back to the apartment remained safe.

Because I had been sooo lazy in terms of night skiing the previous days, and my 5 day lift pass didn`t include skiing on the fifth night (for some crazy japanese reason), I thought I might get a taste of night skiing (even if it was 4PM in the afternoon). I caught the King Hooded Triple Chair a couple of times with the night skiing lights blazing - and I have to say that the visibility of skiing under the lights is sooo much better than it is during the day.

As our final day of skiing here at Niseko draws to a close - I have to get a couple of things off my chest about it. Although Niseko`s runs aren`t as long as those in Nth America or Europe, and it`s size is similar to that of Perisher Blue... the snow quantity is about 50 times greater than that of Perisher (and the quality of the snow has been better than my last couple of trips to Nth America and Europe).

When I got back to the apartment - I did some blogging and drank a few too many 500ml beers (uggh!). In the usual Niseko fashion - when we went around to all the restaurants for dinner - they couldn`t handle the fact that we had more than 4 people wanting dinner. After being rejected from so many places - we headed over to the first Izabuya we had gone to a couple of nights ago (aka best meal in Japan this trip).

During dinner - Sacha came out of the "engagement" closet when he casually mentioned that he and Taeko were going to get married. Sacha had built some "will you marry me" message on the slopes of Hirafu during today and when he lured Taeko there - she apparently couldn`t read it....

My mum suddenly got very "clucky" - and wanting to know all of the gossip and juicy details. She mentioned something about having a bet with Dad thinking that Sacha was going to propose to Taeko the night of the big meat family feast in Mabashi.... but alas she was wrong. Taeko was wanting both an Australian and Japanese wedding - but I think they will have a Japanese one and have some sort of wedding reception in Australia...

Japan Part 11 - Saynora to Ant... :-(

We woke up even earlier than the day before (recurring theme for our holidays) as Ant had to catch the bus to Sapporo for his flight(s) back to Australia. After a hearty breakfast of bacon (Japanese mini-size... "so small!"), eggs and sugar-ery Japanese breakfast cereal with pink coloured bits (with Sleeping with the Enemy blaring on the TV)... Hokkaido Tracks (the place that runs these apartments) arrived at our front door step (earlier than planned) to pick Ant up. We all said our goodbyes before Ant went on his merry way back to Australia. Even Taeko got out of her usual slumbering coma to offer to take Ant out to the bus stop.

Unfortunately - my Mum organised the flights where they were originally booked from mid-week to mid-week... where you had to take the maximum amount of leave in order to come... As Ant doesn't have the public service "flex" luxury as I do - he could only come for a couple of days in Niseko, and thus was leaving home early. My mum is currently holding down a full time job of being a full time Bridge (aka the card game) nutter - so she doesn't care about leave and such stuff - hence the crazy dates...

The "Skiing Master" (aka my Mum) and the Master Guide (aka me) headed back out to the slopes - this time - we checked out Hanazono (aka the ski resort to the right of Hirafu). My mum told me that Australians had developed Hanazono and it was pretty obvious that this was so... as all of the lifts were a bit more modern than the other areas in Niseko, also there was heaps more signage around the mountain (complete with Australian Airlines ads)... plus the mountain wasn't groomed very well (sure fire sign of Australians developing the mountain). Hanazono felt a hell of a lot newer than the other three - but it was fairly small compared to the rest of the resorts (...so small!) although Hanazono had a few interesting twists (or should I say bumps?!). On the flat sections of the runs - there were a few man-made bumps in the track - I think they are designed to keep snowboarders cruising along flat sections (where they lose a lot of speed). I checked out the easiest black run of all time (Downhill A) whereas my Mum chose to stick on the red and green runs...

The weather today was the best so far on our holiday - blue skies (with minus 17 degree temperatures)... We made tracks over to the 1000 meter hut for lunch were Mum had remembered that this place made the best noodles in Hirafu.... Unfortunately - they were also the "smallest" noodle servings in Hirafu - where a bowl was probably smaller than a bowl of entree short soup at your local chinese restaurant.

Upon exiting the 1000 meter hut - the blue skies of the morning had been replaced with blowing hurricane / snow weather action.... aggh!!! My mum had a h##d on to go and ski An'nupuri in the afternoon (aka fourth resort - furthest to the left), but the weather was so bad - I gave up at Higashiyama and wanted to go back home. In my hissy fit - I did my first crash of the holiday (in a very unspectacular - fall back on my arse - sort of way). Getting across back to Hirafu - I took my mum off a black run (called the "Large" run) but my mum freeked out (her first big freek of the holiday) and I had subsequently lost her down the mountain. Feeling a little bit guilty about losing her in zero visibility conditions - I hanged around for 10 minutes and went back up the lift in an attempt to find her... alas the mountain was "sin Mum".

I met up with Sacha and Taeko at the midstation at Hirafu - who were having their first run of the day... at 3:45pm... Niseko is renowned for its night skiing - and I've had a friend of ours rave about it. Instead of a pi$$ weak effort of "Perisher Blue" night skiing (aka opening up front valley for a couple of hours once a week for night skiing) - Niseko has night skiing seven days a week. And it doesn't just open up its front area for night skiing - it opens up most of the mountain (including advanced runs). As an added plus - the mountain during the night is completely empty. Unfortunately - I wasn't feeling motivated enough for night skiing. When you ski for most of the day - you would prefer to have a warm bath and a cold beer instead...

When I returned to the apartment - I found my mum - who had some really convoluted way of going home which I have now forgot. After chilling out with a couple of beers - the whole family settled down to watch (I hate to admit it) - "Bird on a Wire" where Mel Gibson's arse has a starring role (unfortunately... ugghh! :-S ). We got up to watching the part where the baddie (aka "Kill Bill's Bill) gets eaten by piranhas at a zoo (...whatever) when we decided that we should go to dinner before everything shuts (aka 9pm in Niseko).

After being rejected from a couple of restaurants (...all the restaurants in Niseko seem to have a brain explosion if you ask for a table for either 5 or 6 pax) - we found a Izabuya restaurant that Mum and Dad had previously went to. It was good and interesting... and just about everything on the menu claimed to be a "world famous Hokkaido dish" - but I sort of went home a bit hungry.

Back at the apartment - we watched the last two seconds of "The Fly" (with Geena Davis shotgunning Jelf Goldblum in the face) before watching the first 25 minutes of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (much better than the silly remake because all of those nasty kids die!) before crashing for the night.

Japan Part 10 - Ant's Last Day (...of Snowboarding...)

We woke up earlish - again because of Ant's snowboarding lessons. (Damn that schedule!). Another day - another I-Pod war with Sacha... Except he seems to be losing interest with his I-Pod and gaining interest in playing the japanese golf game I bought in Tokyo for my PSP.... I've tried to get Taeko to translate the game manual - but she says she can't read "Game Nerd" stuff.... U take that back! I wouldn't pi$$ on a Star Trek fan if they were on fire!

There was drama and excitement - when my dorky Rip Curl ski-jacket's (of 10 years vintage) zipper broke. I had acquired the jacket after I decided to part ways with my once-trendy "fluro" jacket (10 years ago). I couldn't zip the jacket up - rendering it useless in the minus 20 degrees weather that is Niseko.

I quickly phoned around the hire shops and got a extra large jacket (larger than the one Ant had borrowed) from SAS (Ant's shop) for about $50AUD for three days which, at the time, I didn't think it was such bad value. Now Ant and I could look like brothers as we were wearing the same jackets.... wait... flashbacks coming back.... flashbacks of my mum dressing my brother and me in the same clothes - agggghh!

I set off with my Mum and we headed (again) to the Grand Hirafu area. We only had time for a couple of runs (including catching the "No Name Pair Lift" - which you can name on the Niseko website - www.niseko.ne.jp )before we all met up for lunch down at the noodle shack near the chained husky. Taeko and Dad joined us (travelling from the apartment). Taeko hadn't bought a 5 day pass like the rest of us - rather she was just getting half day passes, etc as she didn't want to put pressure on her "busted" knee. My Dad, on the other hand, wasn't skiing because of a previous "skiing" injury (he fell of a bunk bed in a drunken rampage at a ski lodge in Australia onto a heater and busted his ankle).

After a quick lunch (where I mixed it up by ordering my chinese/miso soup with CORN!!!), I went with Sacha and Taeko to go skiing, my Mum went with my Dad to go snow-shoeing around a lake and Ant went back to the same beginner "mountain" and did his thang...

We went up to the King Hooder Triple Lift #3 and did a quick run before Sacha and I departed ways with Taeko (who was contempt with sticking with Hirafu on her borrowed "Julie" 5 day pass).

Sacha and I traversed our way over to Higashiyama (eg: ski resort next to Hirafu) for a run before making our way to Niseko An'nupuri (aka the resort to the far left of the ski map of Niseko). Sacha had boasted at lunch that he had gone to all four resorts in the morning - but I discovered that he only visited three out of the four (he forgot that Hanazono is a part of "The Niseko United"). An'nupuri is very similar to Higashiyama - it is sort of narrow with a big "f### off" gondola which services the whole resort (with a couple of crappy chairlifts to boot). The visibility and weather was shocking - and I could only handle a couple of runs before complaining and wanting to go home.

My brother has undergone a skiing "make-over" - since being with Taeko - he has become super patient with others. He is the best skier in my family - who can handle any run in a very fast and furious fashion.... and he could have been an excellent ski-instructor - if it wasn't for his short temper and fuse.... But since Taeko - he doesn't mind pottering around and not going "hell-for-leather" on every run.

As Sacha and I made our way back home via the beginner run (where Ant stuck to for his holiday here), we caught up with Taeko... We were sort of surprised - as we thought she would have given up ages ago - but she stuck it out till 4pm.

Ant had progressed even further today - as he only crashed 6 times today down the beginner run (a new record for him). After snowboarding - he wanting to show me up on the shopping and bought a snowboard parker (half price). This is a great sign - as Ant has enjoyed the snowboarding and wants to keep it up in the future. (Yay!).

As Ant had bought a jacket and was leaving tomorrow - I had a new jacket I could use for the couple of extra days I was spending at Niseko. I called up SAS (the place where I hired my jacket) and after getting on the phone to "Mr Cranky" (aka the guy that seems pi##ed off every time you go down to SAS and want service) - he told me that they don't accept early returns or give refunds - and that I need to read the "conditions" on the back of the deposit slip. After reading the conditions - it didn't mention anything about early returns and refunds - but Taeko, who had read the japanese conditions on the front, said that they don't give refunds (which was sort of at odds to the engrish conditions).... I dub SAS - "Sewer Adventure Sprots".... (as it was right next to the sewer - or it smelt that way).

After downing a couple of ritual Sapporo beers at the apartments and watching a bit of a "Will Smith" marathon on TV with "Bad Boys" (I couldn't remember so many MF references!!) and I, Robot and Bad Boys II - we headed off for Ant's last dinner at Niseko. Being impressed with the Izakaya style restaurant the previous night - we went to another Izakaya restaurant - this one seemed more geared at the western tourists than the other one (well - the clientele was mostly white!). The food was great - and who said that Japanese food is lean and light??? We ordered deep fried camembert cheese dammit!

Japan Part 9 - Second day of Skiing

As Ant had lessons at 10am everyday - we were always on a bit of a mission to get up and get moving... (well - he was anyway). Another breakfast at the apartment - another stereo war with my brother playing his I-Pod. I think I have discovered someone who is an even greater "CD Nazi" than I am.

My mum and I toddled off to the beginner area with Ant for his lesson.... said our goodbyes and headed up to the upper area of Hirafu (beyond Mid-station... yeah!). We checked out the "King Hooded Triple Lift #3" and the King Quad Lift #2 areas. Up top (although the weather was sh##ier) the snow was soft, powdery goodness. It wasn't as groomed as the bottom runs and a little bit more challenging. I even took my mum down a black run - aka hard run (which was just a steeper, ungroomed version of a green run (aka easy) nearby.

Hirafu is full of these loud-speakers everywhere and pretty much void of any sort of usable signage. A woman (who must have provided the alien voices in the movie "Mars Attacks!") comes over the loudspeakers on a regular basis with loud announcements like "There is a crack in the something something. Do not ski there because of the high avalanche risk". The irony of having loudspeaker announcements for avalanches hasn't escaped me. To make matters worse with these announcements is that they are pretty much inaudible. It is very echo-ie and her accent is soo thick - you need to be an expert translater to understand them.

Ant has noticed that the noise pollution in Japan can be pretty bad. At all the JR stations - they ever play an loud "alarm" sound when the train doors shut, or play a little jingle. All of the lifts in Niseko have loud noises telling you when you can ski over to board the lift... and many have repetitive voice recordings telling you when to get off. No doubt that the "Mars Attacks" woman is the pits when it comes to noise pollution.

We headed down at midday to the bottom of the beginner area where Ant was having his lessons for lunch. I had (stewpidly) advised Ant to change over from a Goofy setting on his bindings to a "Natural" setting the day before because he looked like he was trying to fight the board too much. However - he is indeed a "goofy" (left-footer) and had to switch back his bindings before his lesson.

Ant was getting happy with his progress - as he could now stop and turn. The day before - he could only point downwards and sometime stop. Also - he only crashed 6 times down the run (a new record).

We had lunch down at a "Chinese" noodle shack near the SAS fibro shack. There was a cute husky dog chained up the front who looked sort of cold and hungry in an RSPCA sort of way. Thankfully - he wasn't on the menu.

The noodle shack served big bowls of what they call "Chinese" noodle soups - but they felt a lot more japanese than chinese... (Never thought that Miso was a chinese-style soup?!). It was all cheap and cheerful.

After lunch - Mum and I (expert skier and expert skier guide) traveled off (despite the bad weather) to Higashiyama - the resort to the left of Hirafu (when you face up the mountain).

Higashiyama has about four or five lifts but the main one is the "Prince Gondola" - one that takes you from the bottom to the top of the mountain. There aren't too many variations in the runs here - it is all pretty much straight down (whether it be a green run, a red run (aka blue aka intermediate) or a black run). A big difference between Higashiyama and Hirafu is that instead of the Mars Attacks woman on the PA system - they play awful J-Pop music instead.

Because of the really f@@@in bad weather - Mum and I decided to have a break at the Prince Hotel down at the bottom of Higashiyama. It was the most expensive coffee with UHT milk I have ever had ($6AUD).

Mum decided to head back to Hirafu - but I thought I might rough it out for another couple of Higashiyama runs. Unfortunately - my goggles didn't think likewise. I have an old crappy pair of goggles - which were constantly fogging up in the f###in cold weather. To add to the mix - the fog in the goggles started to freeze over - rendering them pretty much useless.

I had got to the top of Higashiyama - and I could only (just) handle one run down Hirafu as I had to ski down the mountain - sin goggles - a truly s%%% experience especially when the weather is blowing icy cold snow in your eyes.

I'm not normally a bath sort of person (I have these bad memories of getting baby sited in Canberra with this old dude who left a lot of hair floating in the bathtub)... but being so cold and miserable - I had one. Sacha and Taeko headed to the more famous Onsen hot springs - where everything is segregated and naked. Sacha inadvertedly stole the courtesy modesty towel.

After a few cheap Sapporo beers at the apartment - we headed down to the restaurant next to the Chinese Noodle Shack near SAS smelly hut. It was an Izakaya style "restaurant" - which is more like a bar with lots of small dishes. It was the best meal yet on this trip to Japan - we had fried oysters, calamari, pork kebabs, fish - it was all good. My dad didn't make the whole "chopstick in the bowl" or "draft sake" mistake.

Japan Part 8 - Skiing at Niseko

Not wanting to regurgitate what was already in Ant's email... but we woke up around 8ish (via a Japanese alarm where you can record your voice as the wake up message - I screamed into it).

After getting ready at the not so early time of 10am - Ant headed down to the smelly SAS fibro shack for his first 2 hour private snowboarding lesson. I went skiing with my Mum - who was claiming at breakfast that she is an "expert master" skier... who needs to be handheld down the mountain and can't cope skiing by herself... so I had to be the "expert master" guide. Also - when she was claiming to be an expert master skier - she stated that it is harder to stay in control and ski slower than it is to ski fast down the mountain...que?

The Niseko ski resorts is a collection of formerly separate ski resorts (located on an extinct volcano) which have come together to become "The Niseko United" ski resort. We were staying in Niseko Hirafu which is next to the Niseko Grand Hirafu skiing resort. It is the biggest out of the four and most people stay at the village there.

During the previous day - Mum had asked an Australian who was skiing in town - and he had said that the weather was minus 17 degrees... We had laughed them off - thinking it couldn't be that cold up the top. We were wrong... When we got up the first lift - the themometer at mid-station was reading "minus 17 degree". Coupled with strong winds, low visibility and blizzardy conditions - all of the lifts higher than the "mid-station" area were closed off... Mum and I basically stayed on the Ace Quad Lift #2 Centre 4 (that is the lift's name - uncensored), the Hirafu Gondola and the King Quad Lift #2. The snow was great (if you like groomed to the max runs)... just a pitty that the weather was minus 17 and blowing a hurricane.

Around midday - we skied down to the bottom of the "Ace Family Pair Lift" - the beginner area of Hirafu where Ant had spent his morning practicing Snowboarding. He was feeling really confident during his lesson - but because of the captive audience (my mum and I) and all of the constant advice - he cracked up. But the good news was that he DID enjoy snowboarding - except for all of his falls and crashes... which were fairly spectacular of the "funniest home video" variety. I remember one crash where Ant did a flip in the air... narrowly missing hitting his head on the ground, with his hat and goggles flying off...

We had organised to meet everyone at the Scott Hotel in Hirafu for lunch at 1:30pm. Ant and I bumped into my Dad on the way - who was saying that Sacha had lost Taeko on their first run and he was going around to look for her back at our apartment. Sure enough - Taeko turned up right on 1:30 at the hotel. She claimed to have waited for Sacha after their first run at some restaurant.... and she waited and waited and Sacha never materialised. Sacha was going off at Taeko - Maury Povich/Jerry Springer style for about 10 minutes in the hotel lobby... the rest of us went to the restaurant.

After lunch, we still skied on the "Mid-station to below" area - because the weather wasn't letting up. I had to fork out some cold hard yen to buy some glove inners (which looked like ladies gloves - but I was desperate).

We all headed back to the apartment sort of early in the afternoon. Sacha and Taeko did the local hot springs spa deal in a local hotel here at Niseko. Ant and I stayed back at the apartment - where he was complaining that I wasn't having a shower.

Because of the lack of real food available at the quick-e-mart.... we all had to eat out for dinner everynight. Not wanting $25AUD cheese pizzas (I never thought Japan was renowned for its pizzas?!)... we headed down to a traditional japanese restaurant (ie: the deal where you sit on the floor and get a s$$$ load of food put in front of you on a tray). I've had the whole raw fish deal before - (and at the meat restaurant with Taeko's parents - I had raw meat)... but tonight was the first time I had raw squid (which was dee-lish!). Mum and I ordered some hot sake (which is well recommended - to me it tastes a whole lot different than cold sake) - and when Dad ordered "draft sake" - they brought him out "draft beer"... Taeko had to quickly correct the waitress. Even though draft sake was about twice the price as regular sake - it wasn't as good. For all you cheap AA'ers - sake is cheaper usually than coke at restaurants.

I kept correcting dad about not "planting his chopsticks" in his bowl... as it is highly upsetting for some locals (reminds them of dead people).... and there were a few Australians doing their country proud by walking around the floor with their shoes on...

Japan Part 6 - Travellin to Niseko

We had a really friggin early start at Taeko's parents' house. She had set a couple of alarms in our bedroom. We said that we would like to wake up at 4:50am - but the alarm was running twenty minutes early. Can't get enuff of these early starts.

To add to our embarassment from last night (recap - we took over Taeko's parents' bedroom) - most of the family were helping us at the wee hours to get to the local station. Taeko's brother (and girlfriend) drove Ant and I to the station. Taeko's parents drove Taeko and my brother to the station. Everyone else waved us off. (I didn't really want this to be a big deal - especially before 5am in the morning).

We met up with my parents and took the JR line into town. To our surprise - the 5:20am train into town was "chockers". There were even a couple of old japanese dudes reading manga pron on the train. It is sort of ironic - it is really rude to use your mobile phone on a japanese train. In fact - this is probably the worst crime you could commit in Japan - yet heaps of people read hard core pron on the train.... WTHIWWJP@!

On our way to the airport - we had to catch the Tokyo "Monorail" - which didn't really feel like an old skool monorail (eg: one of those sea world / disney world / sydney darling harbour deals) -rather it felt just like a normal commuter train (it wasn't 20 feet off ground level). We were foiled in having a Springfield monorail experience - d'oh!

Due to my brother's crazy plans of getting us to the airport - we had more than an hour to kill at the airport (after getting up at pre 5am in the morning). Ant was not a happy camper! :(

For any of you would-be terrorists - domestic check in at Tokyo is quite curious. Taeko organised it for us all (after going to about 60 counters)... but she did it for us without the need for identification or passports. Also at the gate and security checkpoint - they didn't ask for ID as well.... It is 9-11 times 0.043 peoples....!

The flight was OK to Sapporo except for the munchkin sized legroom on the seat (which is only 1 inch smaller than the dwarf sized legroom in Qantas - according to Ant).

When arriving at New Chitose airport - Ant had never seen so much snow in his lifetime.... it even topped Thredbo. We all had to stick around until 11:30am after missing a bus by 5 minutes. Ant and I checked out the mall-esque section of the airport - and the airport had this weird "Dr Evil" style aquarium with weird looking shark-sized cat fish (who you could fit freekin lazers to them).

The bus trip was fairly non-eventful to Niseko - except for the poltegist controlled television - which kept switching on at random moments during the bus trip to tell us the joys of "The Niseko United" which Ant refers to as "The Grammar Corrected!". We had a mini-style lunch at one of those truck stop kick back places that buses always stop at. We had some pork/lamb style chinese buns for lunch... The toilet was a little bit strange as there was a robot playing piano playing crappy Andrew Lloyd Webber shite. Next to the piano was a small theatre with a couple of seats... As if anyone would watch the robot piano play ALW shite and applaude at the end?! It is just what you need when you urinate at the trough - a robot piano playing ALW shite.

On arrival to Niseko - my mum was in fine "angry" form when our tour operator wasn't there to greet us from our bus. She quickly grabbed Taeko's phone and "bringed the pain" to the tour operator's japanese receptionist (who didn't speak too much engrish).... Of course - our van arrived half a minute later (they were just running late).

As the van to the apartment couldn't hold the six of us - Ant and I volunteered to go first. The apartment was called "Miharashi" but was totally geared to Australian tourists. There were australian power points galore as well as australian maids cleaning our apartment upon arrival. Lucky for us - we got to bags the best bedroom which had some big f### off windows.

After my brother was hijacking the apartment radio and playing the Chemical Brothers for the umpt-teenth time - Ant and I decided to scope out his snowboard hire shop. As Ant and I are totally risk-adverse travellers - we always book stuff on-line before we go. This time - Ant booked all of his snowboard equipment and snow-wear gear on-line before we got to Niseko.

We wandered down to "SAS" or "Scott Adventure Sports", which was situated in a fibro shack next to a septic tank (or it smelt like it was next to a septic tank). Ant managed to get all of his gear - except his jacket and pants were about two sizes too small (sleeves didn't quite reach his wrists and pants didn't quite cover his boots).

After our first SAS experience - we headed down to the local Niseko "Quik-E-Mart" - one of the two "super"markets in Niseko. When I say "Supermarket" - I mean that Niseko's supermarkets are about the size of a Shell Petrol Station "Mart". If you plan on making dinner from here - you had better like to have 2 minutes noodles every night.

Against our friend's advice - we all decided on not having the "two minute noodle" deal - and went to the 100 yen Noodle shop - where extras (eg: anything other than noodles) ARE extra. It was all good - you could get a decent meal plus a big beer for about $10AUD. This equates to being good value-for-money in my accountant books.

Japan Part 7 - Ant's First Day (...of Snowboarding...)

I'm totally lazy and semi-drunk (from drinking 500ml cans of Sapporo beer at the moment) - so I'm going to post one of Ant's emails to a friend about his first day of snowboarding.... Totally uncensored and uncut! Woooh!

Hey Richard,

I thought you might be interested to hear how I have been getting on at Niseko. We arrived here last afternoon after a VERY early start at 5am from the outer burbs of Tokyo, and then the flight up to Sapporo. On landing - I've never seen so much snow in my life. Ever.

Even though I didnt have any decent cold weather gear, the polar fleece from Kathmandu and some thick jeans were enough. The lodge we are staying in - Mirahishi Tracks, is very very nice; its two stories, and there's three double bedrooms for Chrisk & Julie (Nick's parents), Sacha and Taeko and Nick and myself. We bagged the second nicest room in the complex, with a really big panoramic window.

After we got set up I went down to SAS and got fitted out for my gear. Luckily I had reserved all the stuff, because I only just fitted into the biggest gear that they had - pants, jacket, gloves, snowboard and boots.

We went to a 100 yen noodle place, for dinner on the main street - called Senchou 2. Nick thinks that you said not to go there, but it was not too bad, and was full of Australians. The Aussie contingent here is bigger than ever, and according to Nick's parents the resort has a lot more stuff in it in terms of places to eat.

This morning I met up with my instructor who was Japanese. We set up the board for me (goofy setup) and I then practiced with one foot in the binding and another foot just sliding on the board. We practiced on a small slope near the bottom of the Family run (I avoided crashing into the carpark.) I wasnt too bad at this, although I can't corner very easily. I'm slowly getting the hang of it though.

We then walked a bit up the Family run and I practiced going down once and moving from left to right. This was still with only one foot in the binding.... but it wasnt too bad.

I then purchased a points pass to go up the Family chairlift - which was an interesting experience. I was OK getting on to the chair; but pretty shit at getting off the chair - but I didnt fall over right in the top lift station.

We then went down the Family run. It's pretty hard for me to do the first part as its
quite steep and curved around to the right, but I only fell over a few times. I'm still pretty crap at cornering; but some more practice will help.
The rush you get when you pick up speed is very cool. Though as I can't corner properly yet, I tend to crash rather than turn especially when people are
in the way (lots of learners on the family run!). But towards the end when the run flattened out I started to be able to go from one side of the run to the other. Slowly and gradually, but not too bad.

After my lesson finished, I went back up the run again and worked my way down. Nick and Julie (Nick's mum) were there and followed me down the run. This was probably my best run - though I felt like id forgotten everything I'd been told.

We then went up for lunch at the Scot Hotel; which was good value (mongolian lamb). I then worked my way back down the Family run, and then went and got my board setup changed over to 'normal' rather than goofy as I wasnt sure which way I should be. I had a couple of practice runs in the carpark area at the bottom of the run, and didnt feel that confident! But I got on the chair and off at the top, it was really hard work though as I dont think this setup is right for me. In some ways it was better, I could corner slightly better but getting started and staying in control was a lot harder. I'll talk to my instructor tomorrow morning and see what he thinks.

So I'm not too sore, I've done the Family run four times and enjoyed it! Another two hour lesson tomorrow - and I'll tell you how I'm going. I can see how snowboarding can be quite addictive, and also see what you mean about how the cute guys are snowboarders! So I'll keep practising and see how I go. Three days isnt much of a judge, but so far I'm enjoying it and showing signs of improvement...

Hope that all is going well back home!

Ant

By the way - Blogger has been "chewing up my posts and spitting them out like a piece of gutter trash" for the past few days - so excuse me if this is all out of order like a Quentin Tarrintino movie.

Japan Part 5 - Last Day in Tokyo (Hammer Time!)

We woke up slightly hungover after our night out at Lock Up. I had a few watered downed beers at Lock Up - but our hotel room was overheated (due to our stupidity - we had left the heater set at 26 Degrees).

After packing up all of our stuff - we headed down to the hotel lobby - where we were confronted by the staff member who suffered from PBS or Personality Bybass Syndrome. He was hardly communicative - but he spoke Engrish (wasn't Japanese - rather he was African) so he didn't have much of an excuse (unless he spoke Swahili?!). It was sort of strange because there was a Japanese girl who worked the front counter and was super polite and friendly (in true japanese form) - so the service at the hostel was very variable.

We ventured out to Ueno station for a repeat breakfast at "Andersens". If I didn't mention it before - the first time we traveled to Japan - we ate at the same bakery where we almost had an international incident.... Ant put some "burnable" trash in the "non-burnable" trash can. About 5 seconds after he did this - a store attendant put on some big white gloves and pulled Ant's rubbish out of the wrong bin - and into the right bin.

Japan has all sorts of bins - stuff for foodscraps and paper (aka "burnables"), stuff for metal cans and bottles, etc etc. Japan doesn't really recycle any of this stuff (to my knowledge) - I think it combusts all the garbage - and some garbage needs to be combusted at a hotter temperature (ie: bottles and cans). Very environmentally friendly... I'm not sure why they signed the whole Kyoto Treaty in Japan - because when I think of Japan and the environment - I think of burning recyclable rubbish and killing Minki Whales. :-(

After breakfast - we explored outside the station at Ueno (where the map says "Vital town where you feel history and culture"). We wandered down all of the Pichinko alleys which make Pokie Clubs back in Australia look really dull and zombie like. They all have big manga style posters and pumping "Ridge Racer" style music. According to our guide (aka Rough Guide to Tokyo - which is very rough especially when it comes to the maps) - Pachinko is a little bit of skill and a whole lot of luck. You buy balls and are supposed to get them in the right holes to win prizes (as it is illegal to win money). But the law turns a blind eye to the whole "trading Pachinko prizes for cash" trade which happens just nearby every Pachinko Parlor. Another interesting tit-bit about Pachinko - is that there are a lot of North Korean companies backing Pachinko Parlors...

Ueno had a bit of a cheap shoes district going on - but unfortunately - Ant and I have "big fat western feet". I searched for an hour to find a pair of shoes that would fit - but I was a whole two sizes bigger than the biggest pair we could find in Tokyo. Although shoe buying for Westerns is a little tough in Japan - you can still buy t-shirts and clothes. Even if there is fat japanese - they have generally small feet (As those south park Japanese would say - "...our penises are soooo small... You americans have such large penises - soo large...").

On our way to Ikebukuro (the place where Lock Up was - and there were heaps of malls to check out) - we stopped at the Tokyo Dome City- a huge egg like baseball stadium built in the middle of the city. Right next door was a big shopping centre/theme park which housed the "Thunder Dolphin" - a huge old-school rollercoaster (eg: one of the non-upside down variety)... Even though it didn't go upside down - it was massively tall and went through the side of the shopping centre building (just for kicks). I couldn't say no - even to the 1000Yen entrance price... Ant did. In the line - they were playing a couple of crazy safety videos - where you are not allowed to chew on gum or candy on the ride... The overzealous ride attendants asked me to empty my pockets as it was dangerous to have things in them. I pulled out a bunch of tissues - and looked at them stewpidified... the woman said - put it in the locker... The ride itself was really cool - especially the big f### off drop which was almost vertical and very sweeet (although my face almost froze off where it was semi-sleeting/raining).

We checked a huge number of big department stores in Ikebukuro - unfortunately - Ant didn't buy one damn thing (and were wandering around them for about 2 hours!!). Ant is watching me whilst I'm typing it and was showing me his disappointment and saying this is blasphemy- but he can't hide from the "big FOX FACTS!!".

We headed to Shibuya in our never ending quest to get Ant some clothes but unfortunately - we didn't get anything (other than a local baseball t-shirt). Because it was cold and raining and we were hungry - we decided to have lunch at a karaoke Box (during the middle of the day). The pre 7pm rates for Karaoke was about a 1/5 of the rates after 7pm.... (excellent bargain in my accountant books). We had a couple of hours - some highlights - me singing the Beastie Boys "Ch-Check it out" (full of the MF words) and Duran Duran (where I scored my highest score) according to the Karaoke machine) and both of us singing Bon Jovi - "It's My Life" (whilst Ant was imitating the exercise instructors at Deakin Health Spa going "Woooh... You can push it! Push it up a notch... WooooH!") and "I will always love you" (vomit). Low lights was me murdering MC Hammer U Can't Touch This and us both murdering Paula Abdul "Opposites Attract". When you murder a song which had been originally murdered by the original artists - it is truly gawd awful.

The rest of our night was planned by my brother - this usually means crazy plans and dissorganisation. We were going to travel out to my brother's girlfriends folks place out in Mabashi (which is the Campbelltown of Tokyo). Because we spent soo long at Karaoke and attempted shoe-shopping - we had to catch the outbound trains during rush hour... which was bad. Add some big backpacks and skis to the mix and you have a recipe for pain and suffering. When the first metro train pulled up at our station - we were too scared to get on. The train was absolutely packed to the brim full of people. Ant thought maybe we should wait for the next train to turn up (which isn't a huge problem as there are trains every 5 mins at every stop - unlike $hitty rail in Sydney). Unfortunately - the next train was probably even fuller - so we just had to "bum rush" the train and push. I got on first - Ant barely made it before the train doors viciously shut on us. The next 8 minutes were the most painful in my life - I had my backpack on but my back was arched backwards - so the bag was effectively pulling me down towards the ground. Chirosville. Luckily - our next train ride (our first JR train trip this holiday) was not soo packed and it was mostly comfortable - except for the woman whose face was bashed by Ant swinging around with his bag still on.

We were met at the Mabashi train station by Taeko (my brother's girlfriend) and her brother. We were taken around to her parent's place. Taeko's brother's girlfriend was also there, so was Taeko's sister and her husband and her niece and nephew and auntie and us. They were all extremely friendly (and I think they were very keen to meet me after such a long time). They offered us beer and Japanese strawberries. We were a bit reluctant about being offered strawberries as the prices of a punnett of strawberries in a Tokyo department store was about $20AUD each. They assured us that these were cheaper - so we graciously accepted.

We all hop-footed it to a local "beef BBQ" restaurant (aka the deal where you cook your own food on a hotplate in the table a la "Lost In Translation"). The reasoning behind this was because they knew that Ant hated fish (otherwise we would have had seafood). My brother arrived - complete with my parents who were escorted from Naritia after just arriving in Japan (my brother's crazy plans). The meal was "interesting" - and I had cow's tongue for the first time which was "chewy". Ant was commenting that Taeko's niece had been well behaved considering we had been there for ages... When Ant said this - she started to "kiddy cabin fever" and started to run around and scream.

Our next stop was the Hibiscus Hotel (aka the local "love hotel"). If you don't know what a love hotel is - well you either "rest" or "stay". The rest rates are by the hour and you can stay (only after 10pm). Japanese kids tend to stay at home for a long time (mid twenties to thirties) and Japanese walls are paper-thin - so people tend to do the dirty at hotels instead. Love Hotels are everywhere and are usually themed (Hello Kitty rooms, Racing Car rooms, Dungeon rooms). They are all pretty "klassy" with a "k" and are reasonably priced - they are cheaper than a hostel room but of a 4-5 star quality.

The Hibiscus Hotel was in the style of a cheesy Hawaiian themed 50's style hotel. Unfortunately - Taeko and Taeko's dad scoped out the hotel for us and came back saying that "my parents can go but Ant and I can't". There were no "same-sex couples" allowed and no "threesomes or fourgies allowed". I think the problem was that we were booking a love hotel in the "sticks" rather than in Tokyo itself. However it wasn't all bad - we got to check out my parent's room.

You enter thru the "discrete" lobby and pick your room on a "big screen tv" (just so everyone can see that you are ordering the Jesus style dungeon room). Once you pick a room - the room door unlocks - but you can't reopen it (otherwise you have to pay again). My parents got the cheapest room - it didn't have any chains or whips - but it did have a sex toy vending machine , Karaoke and complimentary condoms by the bed side table with "Make Love" written on the packet. Unfortunately - the Jesus cross room was booked out. According to my parents - they heard a couple doing the mattress rumba in the room upstairs during the night.

We had to make do with staying at Taeko's parent's house - which was already had heaps of visitors staying (including Taeko and my brother, Taeko's auntie, Taeko's brother and girlfriend and Taeko's sister and family). It was really embarrassing when we found out that Taeko's parents had made up their room for Ant and I to sleep in - and that they would sleep on the floor in their family room - but we were told that we couldn't bargain with them to sleep on the couch - and if we did - we would be arguing with them for hours.