Santa's Republic of "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" China - Part 18 - Christmas Day - Day 12
Xmas Day - but no rest for the wicked as we had yet another semi early start for our private motor boat up the Li River. The hotel atrium (the site of last night's Sheraton's Xmas do) - had been completely cleaned up and was normal looking. The stage and tables had been all removed... Xmas had truly been cancelled by the Sheraton. The doormen, who had been wishing all guests Merry Christmas the previous night, had just reverted back to saying "Good Morning". Maybe someone had oughta tell the Chinese that Christmas is on the 25th of December not the 24th!
Because of the smell of bacon was giving us that McDonalds wanting sensation - we wandered back to the same McDonalds that was closed the morning before - to discover it was in fact open today. Maybe they had closed on Christmas Eve to only reopen on Christmas Day in Sheraton style. The McDonalds was still playing quasi Christmas carols though - between German pop songs and semi-goth songs about Vampire love (in engrish). They were playing "Silent Night" complete with a woman harping on about "Praising Jesssusha". Who needs church when you've got McDonalds in Guilin?! And another thing - has anyone in the free world heard of the alledged xmas carol - "All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth"?? They have been playing it here in China nonstop (like it is on the CCP approved list of Xmas Carols or something). The version they have been playing sounds like it was recorded by a metally challenged girl with trouble keeping pitch. I'm sure she would get a scathing attack on Idol.
I had ordered what I had thought was a Sausage and Egg McMuffin - when it was in fact a Sausage and Egg Burger (eg: with hamburger buns, tomato sauce and plastic McDonald's cheese). Very calorific!
We headed to the Youth Hostel - where we were greeted by a German couple (the other motor boat victims) and were whisked away by a guy in a jeep heading for the local pier. Because it is not the rainy season - the Li River levels are incredibly shallow - so none of the big boats can travel near Guilin. But because we were in a tiny motorboat - we could leave from Guilin. They weren't kidding when the woman at the hostel said that the river was very shallow - I'm sure in some parts it was about half a foot deep. Our driver (who didn't speak a word of engrish) had to get a bamboo pole out every 20 metres to make sure we weren't going to get stuck on the bottom (or something). It made for a very slow start to the day.
We managed to catch a local cormorant fisherman in action. This is where the locals train cormorant birds to catch fish for them. They attach collars around the birds and semi-domestic them. The birds swim around the river and catch fish - but don't swallow them... The fisherman then catch the birds with a noose and grab their "booty"... Cool heh?
I wasn't kidding about the shallowness of the river - a fellow motor boat pulled up beside our boat and our driver checked out their propeller. Their propeller must have hit some rocks at the bottom of the river and it was totally damaged. Thus made of a very slow trip (just the shallow bits anyway). Our driver had stewpidly put our boat into reverse whilst soaking myself (and a bit of Ant)... That goes really well with the winter temperature of the river.
We all told the driver that we wanted to stop at a local town of Daxu - along the banks of the Li River. Daxu is a very quaint town with cobble stoned roads and no real tourists. Sweet. I managed to haggle my way down from 80 yuan to 60 yuan for a cool "antique" pictures of tigers or something (but I'm pretty sure I could have saved more). The germans had told us they used the WC of a restaurant without paying for anything. We attempted to tempt fate twice and pull off the same feat. Unfortunately - we were busted by the woman who owned the restaurant. We attempted to conceede and purchase a couple of cans of sprite. She got the sprite straight off a shelf (completely unchilled and at room temperature) and demanded that we pay 20 yuan for it (when you can usually pick these up chilled at a supermarket for about 4 yuan each. Cause I wasn't willing to pay the highest price ever for a warm can of sprite - I got cranky - threw about 2 yuan at the lady and walked out without taking the sprite.
The river cruise is very rural - there were heaps of "quaint" scenes of people fishing, doing laundry, swimming and stuff around the river. Again - it was sooo good to get out of the city. I had almost dried off from the "water splashing reversing incident".
At about 1:30pm - our driver pulled off the river and said in Chinese "we are having lunch here". Here - was a fairly rustic "kick back" restaurant where they were slaughting the chickens fresh out-back in view sight of paying customers - choice. The germans taught us a local "bowl washing technique" where you pour hot chinese tea over your cups and bowls in order to clean them before you start mowing down on the food. Unfortunately - our tea was less than room temperature. When we tried to order fresh tea to the waitress - she looked at us stewpidly and refused to get a fresh batch. Cold tea seems to be a symptom of most restaurants. The german woman is a vegetarian. Ant and I thought that being a vegetarian must be the hardest thing in the world - because even vegetarian sounding things (like my "Fresh Millroom Soup" from the other day was packed full of meat). But she had the hostel make her up a card which says "Vegetarian" in chinese - very handy.
After lunch - we went straight back on the boat and our driver was driving like we were staring in Speed 3. I think it was to make up for time - but he didn't have to "Dart River NZ" style maneuver the boat towards cliffs and oncoming ferries. And Ant would kill me if I didn't mention some of the ferries we passed. Most wouldn't look that out-of-place on Thunderbirds with some sporting the 747 aeroplane look - tres communist!
The scenary was massively spectacular - massive limestone cliffs and peaks dropping straight into the river - it looked so very crouching tiger hidden dragon. The peaks sort of reminded both Ant and myself of Vietnam and Halong Bay - but that is not so surprising considering how close Guilin and the Li River is from Vietnam. It was well worth it coming here.
Late-ish in the afternoon - our driver concluded the tour and dropped us off the Yangshuo Ferry terminal. We made a dash for the 1 yuan toilet - complete with windows against the urinals where people outside could see your groin area. Most of the toilets (or urinals anyway) aren't very discrete - with most clearly visible from the female toilets area. Most toilets have their front door wide open for everyone to have a looksee... I've been to urinals with mirrors right next door to the trough. You had better not have any performance anxity issues before coming to China.
After saying goodbye to the germans (who were really good fun to have around - with a great sense of humour) we headed for the Langshuo bus station. Ant was getting a little worried because we were later than all of the organised tours who had been and gone to Langshuo a couple of hours before we arrived. But before we even got to the bus station - a woman grabbed us both and plonked us on a local bus going back to Guilin (for only 15 yuan each)... Sweet.
Ant was pretty sleepy (he had fallen into a coma several times on the mini bus ride back to Guilin) - and I was feeling OK - so I headed to the internet cafe - keen to blog about that darn New Plaza Hotel experience we had a couple of nights before. But my internet time ran out - and the computer had automatically shut down - meaning there was no way to retrive my work... Dammmn it!
Ant and I had dinner at the "touristy" Paul's Stakehouse on "tourist/prostitute lane" near the Sheraton. My fears of going to a Chinese version of Sizzler had realised - as they were serving "Steak, Seafood and Salad" buffet style... We ordered a couple of steaks - which came out on a "sizzling schezuan" style hotplate - complete with that traditional western steak side - a fried egg... Everything was pretty cheap considering that it was pretty touristy (about 20-30RMB for a crappy steak). Just so you didn't get confused about what you were eating - there were plenty of pictures of cows on the wall - even a "cuts of meat" diagram in the table. Choice cuts!
Xmas Day - but no rest for the wicked as we had yet another semi early start for our private motor boat up the Li River. The hotel atrium (the site of last night's Sheraton's Xmas do) - had been completely cleaned up and was normal looking. The stage and tables had been all removed... Xmas had truly been cancelled by the Sheraton. The doormen, who had been wishing all guests Merry Christmas the previous night, had just reverted back to saying "Good Morning". Maybe someone had oughta tell the Chinese that Christmas is on the 25th of December not the 24th!
Because of the smell of bacon was giving us that McDonalds wanting sensation - we wandered back to the same McDonalds that was closed the morning before - to discover it was in fact open today. Maybe they had closed on Christmas Eve to only reopen on Christmas Day in Sheraton style. The McDonalds was still playing quasi Christmas carols though - between German pop songs and semi-goth songs about Vampire love (in engrish). They were playing "Silent Night" complete with a woman harping on about "Praising Jesssusha". Who needs church when you've got McDonalds in Guilin?! And another thing - has anyone in the free world heard of the alledged xmas carol - "All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth"?? They have been playing it here in China nonstop (like it is on the CCP approved list of Xmas Carols or something). The version they have been playing sounds like it was recorded by a metally challenged girl with trouble keeping pitch. I'm sure she would get a scathing attack on Idol.
I had ordered what I had thought was a Sausage and Egg McMuffin - when it was in fact a Sausage and Egg Burger (eg: with hamburger buns, tomato sauce and plastic McDonald's cheese). Very calorific!
We headed to the Youth Hostel - where we were greeted by a German couple (the other motor boat victims) and were whisked away by a guy in a jeep heading for the local pier. Because it is not the rainy season - the Li River levels are incredibly shallow - so none of the big boats can travel near Guilin. But because we were in a tiny motorboat - we could leave from Guilin. They weren't kidding when the woman at the hostel said that the river was very shallow - I'm sure in some parts it was about half a foot deep. Our driver (who didn't speak a word of engrish) had to get a bamboo pole out every 20 metres to make sure we weren't going to get stuck on the bottom (or something). It made for a very slow start to the day.
We managed to catch a local cormorant fisherman in action. This is where the locals train cormorant birds to catch fish for them. They attach collars around the birds and semi-domestic them. The birds swim around the river and catch fish - but don't swallow them... The fisherman then catch the birds with a noose and grab their "booty"... Cool heh?
I wasn't kidding about the shallowness of the river - a fellow motor boat pulled up beside our boat and our driver checked out their propeller. Their propeller must have hit some rocks at the bottom of the river and it was totally damaged. Thus made of a very slow trip (just the shallow bits anyway). Our driver had stewpidly put our boat into reverse whilst soaking myself (and a bit of Ant)... That goes really well with the winter temperature of the river.
We all told the driver that we wanted to stop at a local town of Daxu - along the banks of the Li River. Daxu is a very quaint town with cobble stoned roads and no real tourists. Sweet. I managed to haggle my way down from 80 yuan to 60 yuan for a cool "antique" pictures of tigers or something (but I'm pretty sure I could have saved more). The germans had told us they used the WC of a restaurant without paying for anything. We attempted to tempt fate twice and pull off the same feat. Unfortunately - we were busted by the woman who owned the restaurant. We attempted to conceede and purchase a couple of cans of sprite. She got the sprite straight off a shelf (completely unchilled and at room temperature) and demanded that we pay 20 yuan for it (when you can usually pick these up chilled at a supermarket for about 4 yuan each. Cause I wasn't willing to pay the highest price ever for a warm can of sprite - I got cranky - threw about 2 yuan at the lady and walked out without taking the sprite.
The river cruise is very rural - there were heaps of "quaint" scenes of people fishing, doing laundry, swimming and stuff around the river. Again - it was sooo good to get out of the city. I had almost dried off from the "water splashing reversing incident".
At about 1:30pm - our driver pulled off the river and said in Chinese "we are having lunch here". Here - was a fairly rustic "kick back" restaurant where they were slaughting the chickens fresh out-back in view sight of paying customers - choice. The germans taught us a local "bowl washing technique" where you pour hot chinese tea over your cups and bowls in order to clean them before you start mowing down on the food. Unfortunately - our tea was less than room temperature. When we tried to order fresh tea to the waitress - she looked at us stewpidly and refused to get a fresh batch. Cold tea seems to be a symptom of most restaurants. The german woman is a vegetarian. Ant and I thought that being a vegetarian must be the hardest thing in the world - because even vegetarian sounding things (like my "Fresh Millroom Soup" from the other day was packed full of meat). But she had the hostel make her up a card which says "Vegetarian" in chinese - very handy.
After lunch - we went straight back on the boat and our driver was driving like we were staring in Speed 3. I think it was to make up for time - but he didn't have to "Dart River NZ" style maneuver the boat towards cliffs and oncoming ferries. And Ant would kill me if I didn't mention some of the ferries we passed. Most wouldn't look that out-of-place on Thunderbirds with some sporting the 747 aeroplane look - tres communist!
The scenary was massively spectacular - massive limestone cliffs and peaks dropping straight into the river - it looked so very crouching tiger hidden dragon. The peaks sort of reminded both Ant and myself of Vietnam and Halong Bay - but that is not so surprising considering how close Guilin and the Li River is from Vietnam. It was well worth it coming here.
Late-ish in the afternoon - our driver concluded the tour and dropped us off the Yangshuo Ferry terminal. We made a dash for the 1 yuan toilet - complete with windows against the urinals where people outside could see your groin area. Most of the toilets (or urinals anyway) aren't very discrete - with most clearly visible from the female toilets area. Most toilets have their front door wide open for everyone to have a looksee... I've been to urinals with mirrors right next door to the trough. You had better not have any performance anxity issues before coming to China.
After saying goodbye to the germans (who were really good fun to have around - with a great sense of humour) we headed for the Langshuo bus station. Ant was getting a little worried because we were later than all of the organised tours who had been and gone to Langshuo a couple of hours before we arrived. But before we even got to the bus station - a woman grabbed us both and plonked us on a local bus going back to Guilin (for only 15 yuan each)... Sweet.
Ant was pretty sleepy (he had fallen into a coma several times on the mini bus ride back to Guilin) - and I was feeling OK - so I headed to the internet cafe - keen to blog about that darn New Plaza Hotel experience we had a couple of nights before. But my internet time ran out - and the computer had automatically shut down - meaning there was no way to retrive my work... Dammmn it!
Ant and I had dinner at the "touristy" Paul's Stakehouse on "tourist/prostitute lane" near the Sheraton. My fears of going to a Chinese version of Sizzler had realised - as they were serving "Steak, Seafood and Salad" buffet style... We ordered a couple of steaks - which came out on a "sizzling schezuan" style hotplate - complete with that traditional western steak side - a fried egg... Everything was pretty cheap considering that it was pretty touristy (about 20-30RMB for a crappy steak). Just so you didn't get confused about what you were eating - there were plenty of pictures of cows on the wall - even a "cuts of meat" diagram in the table. Choice cuts!
posted by NicknAnt @ 6:23 AM
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