Mogwai's Republic of China - Part 30 - Day 23 Continued...
Backtracking the story to when we were leaving Kip and Dan's apartment... Both Ant and I were in a bit of a mad rush to get out the door to make sure we were going to see Mao today.
In a mad fit - we exited the apartment via the front door (where else!) and making a Prison Break - Louie (Kip and Dan's crazy toy poodle puppy) bolted for the door - then straight for the fire exit of the apartment building. Ant yelled out "LLOOOUIE!!" and put his stuff down - and raced on after him - only to intercept him on the first couple of stairs on the fire escape.
Ant picked Louie up and dropped him back into the apartment and shut the front door - minus his puffy jacket (and minus a set of keys).
Because it is somewhat cold in Beijing - we thought that our best option was to attempt to wake up Kip so she could get Ant's jacket. Ant continued to knock on the front door for about 5 minutes (Louie barking madly in the background) - yet Kip - would not wake up from her slumber.
Ant pretty much gave up - and decided to do it rough today and go jacketless.
Although he had survived the Mausoleum - there was a really icy cold can of windchill at Tian'an Men Square - and we had to take shelter somewhere. Where better to take shelter than the "Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall" - a brand spanking new tourist attraction at the Qienmen / South side of the Square.
After paying our 30 yuan entrance fee - I attempted find a toilet. There was a sign pointing to a "Toilet" on the first floor (which means the ground floor here in China) - and as I attempted to go there - a security bouncer dude says - no entrance - toilet on second floor! I drag Ant to the Second Floor (aka First Floor in rest of the world) and the signs pointing to the toilet seem to indicate that the toilets were also in a boarded up / closed section of the Exhibition Hall. Why couldn't the "Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall" plan to put some toilets in some more accessible areas??!
After taking me 10 mins to find the toilets - Ant and I were on our way to check out the "11:30am" session of a "3-D Movie" in the Exhibition Hall - something about "Beijing" or something. It was an extra 10 yuan to get in (less than $2AUD) and upon arrival - you are greeted by this Chinese guy handing out a bulky set of 3D Glasses. It was an unwieldy set of 3D glasses technology – it weighed about ½ a kilo and wasn’t attractive looking at all. Thank god the 3D movie didn’t last more than 6 minutes otherwise we would suffer permanent neck and spinal injuries. The first film – a very un 3D CGI “spectacular” of the Feudal beginnings of Beijing. Whilst the second film was a “3D” “Spectacular” fly-around of a 2008 Beijing (a la Olympics Beijing). Due to the unsubtle, Jurassic Park Soundtrack times 10 music – Ant and I spent most of the time laughing and mimicking the soundtrack. I’m sure that this sort of unsubtle music will form the soundtrack of the Beijing Games (…I can’t wait…!...cough). Probably because I wore the glasses for too long – I sort of had a laughing spaz fit on the way out – threw my glasses up in the air and broke them. I quickly calmed myself down – picked the glasses up, handed them to the Chinese 3D Glasses dude – and raced out of the cinema.
There was a “House of Tomorrow” according to the Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall and LG (Lucky Goldst.. I mean Life’s Good or Something). It was a minimalist white deal – with not much in the way of furniture. Apartently – people in the future will just need a LG internet fridge that can pipe out really annoying Chinese folk muzak. Whilst no one else was around – I jumped onto the “Bed of Tomorrow” and did some more “Sheraton-esque” poses. I then quickly jumped onto the “Toilet of Tomorrow” (just a standard western toilet) and posed a “Sh## of Tomorrow” – got Ant to take a picture. To top that – I posed a “Nick being drunk sick into the “Toilet of Tomorrow”” – klassy with a “K”.
There was this hilarious transportation video on show at the Hall. Some propaganda guy had written a song about “Harmony Transportation” in Beijing – with the lyrics “Beijing is my city to live”, “Don’t be a bad driver or your daughter might say “Dad Bad Driver!””, “You might be rich now, have a car but the price of gas has gone up – so why don’t you take public transport on the weekdays and take your car on weekends”… and it went on and on and on…. Agghh!
The “piece de’ résistance” of the Hall is a miniature scale of a 2008 Beijing – which pretty much takes up a whole floor of the Hall. Ant and I walked around it for a little while where I noticed a somewhat cool looking skateboard ramp building… Only discovering on closer inspection that this building was near Kip and Dan’s apartment – and it is butt ugly in real life. The skateboard ramp building is right next door to the “Elitist Business Club” – my favourite elitist club in China. The new buildings in the CBD area looked pretty impressive with the most impressive probably being the CCTV building (a sort of criss-cross “arch” building gone mad).
Walking around the model – Ant and I had to think “light – happy thoughts” as each pane of glass on the floor could only support 4 people. “I didn’t have that cornetto yesterday!”.
The planning hall also had a “surprise surprise” Olympic 2008 exhibition – showing all of the new venues in “Cockington Green” style model form. For those not in the know – the big Olympic Stadium has been nick-named the “Bird’s Nest” because it… looks like a Bird’s Nest. The swimming stadium is probably the most bizzaro stadium ever built (in the form of a giant, blue, transparent sponge cube thing).
The Chinese are trying to outdo the Sydney Olympics by not having 3 mascots – but 5 mascots. The mascots are called the “Friendlies” but Ant and I think that they are pure evil…. Evil times five! They are these little “Japanese-y” creatures. I’m pretty sure that you shouldn’t get these “Friendlies” wet, or feed them after midnight…etc etc or it could turn ugly. There is Olympic 2008 merchandise everywhere and in true Chinese style – I’m sure about 90% plus of it is knock off.
Day 23 to be continued…. Ohhhhhhh wwaahhhh
In a mad fit - we exited the apartment via the front door (where else!) and making a Prison Break - Louie (Kip and Dan's crazy toy poodle puppy) bolted for the door - then straight for the fire exit of the apartment building. Ant yelled out "LLOOOUIE!!" and put his stuff down - and raced on after him - only to intercept him on the first couple of stairs on the fire escape.
Ant picked Louie up and dropped him back into the apartment and shut the front door - minus his puffy jacket (and minus a set of keys).
Because it is somewhat cold in Beijing - we thought that our best option was to attempt to wake up Kip so she could get Ant's jacket. Ant continued to knock on the front door for about 5 minutes (Louie barking madly in the background) - yet Kip - would not wake up from her slumber.
Ant pretty much gave up - and decided to do it rough today and go jacketless.
Although he had survived the Mausoleum - there was a really icy cold can of windchill at Tian'an Men Square - and we had to take shelter somewhere. Where better to take shelter than the "Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall" - a brand spanking new tourist attraction at the Qienmen / South side of the Square.
After paying our 30 yuan entrance fee - I attempted find a toilet. There was a sign pointing to a "Toilet" on the first floor (which means the ground floor here in China) - and as I attempted to go there - a security bouncer dude says - no entrance - toilet on second floor! I drag Ant to the Second Floor (aka First Floor in rest of the world) and the signs pointing to the toilet seem to indicate that the toilets were also in a boarded up / closed section of the Exhibition Hall. Why couldn't the "Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall" plan to put some toilets in some more accessible areas??!
After taking me 10 mins to find the toilets - Ant and I were on our way to check out the "11:30am" session of a "3-D Movie" in the Exhibition Hall - something about "Beijing" or something. It was an extra 10 yuan to get in (less than $2AUD) and upon arrival - you are greeted by this Chinese guy handing out a bulky set of 3D Glasses. It was an unwieldy set of 3D glasses technology – it weighed about ½ a kilo and wasn’t attractive looking at all. Thank god the 3D movie didn’t last more than 6 minutes otherwise we would suffer permanent neck and spinal injuries. The first film – a very un 3D CGI “spectacular” of the Feudal beginnings of Beijing. Whilst the second film was a “3D” “Spectacular” fly-around of a 2008 Beijing (a la Olympics Beijing). Due to the unsubtle, Jurassic Park Soundtrack times 10 music – Ant and I spent most of the time laughing and mimicking the soundtrack. I’m sure that this sort of unsubtle music will form the soundtrack of the Beijing Games (…I can’t wait…!...cough). Probably because I wore the glasses for too long – I sort of had a laughing spaz fit on the way out – threw my glasses up in the air and broke them. I quickly calmed myself down – picked the glasses up, handed them to the Chinese 3D Glasses dude – and raced out of the cinema.
There was a “House of Tomorrow” according to the Beijing Planning Exhibition Hall and LG (Lucky Goldst.. I mean Life’s Good or Something). It was a minimalist white deal – with not much in the way of furniture. Apartently – people in the future will just need a LG internet fridge that can pipe out really annoying Chinese folk muzak. Whilst no one else was around – I jumped onto the “Bed of Tomorrow” and did some more “Sheraton-esque” poses. I then quickly jumped onto the “Toilet of Tomorrow” (just a standard western toilet) and posed a “Sh## of Tomorrow” – got Ant to take a picture. To top that – I posed a “Nick being drunk sick into the “Toilet of Tomorrow”” – klassy with a “K”.
There was this hilarious transportation video on show at the Hall. Some propaganda guy had written a song about “Harmony Transportation” in Beijing – with the lyrics “Beijing is my city to live”, “Don’t be a bad driver or your daughter might say “Dad Bad Driver!””, “You might be rich now, have a car but the price of gas has gone up – so why don’t you take public transport on the weekdays and take your car on weekends”… and it went on and on and on…. Agghh!
The “piece de’ résistance” of the Hall is a miniature scale of a 2008 Beijing – which pretty much takes up a whole floor of the Hall. Ant and I walked around it for a little while where I noticed a somewhat cool looking skateboard ramp building… Only discovering on closer inspection that this building was near Kip and Dan’s apartment – and it is butt ugly in real life. The skateboard ramp building is right next door to the “Elitist Business Club” – my favourite elitist club in China. The new buildings in the CBD area looked pretty impressive with the most impressive probably being the CCTV building (a sort of criss-cross “arch” building gone mad).
Walking around the model – Ant and I had to think “light – happy thoughts” as each pane of glass on the floor could only support 4 people. “I didn’t have that cornetto yesterday!”.
The planning hall also had a “surprise surprise” Olympic 2008 exhibition – showing all of the new venues in “Cockington Green” style model form. For those not in the know – the big Olympic Stadium has been nick-named the “Bird’s Nest” because it… looks like a Bird’s Nest. The swimming stadium is probably the most bizzaro stadium ever built (in the form of a giant, blue, transparent sponge cube thing).
The Chinese are trying to outdo the Sydney Olympics by not having 3 mascots – but 5 mascots. The mascots are called the “Friendlies” but Ant and I think that they are pure evil…. Evil times five! They are these little “Japanese-y” creatures. I’m pretty sure that you shouldn’t get these “Friendlies” wet, or feed them after midnight…etc etc or it could turn ugly. There is Olympic 2008 merchandise everywhere and in true Chinese style – I’m sure about 90% plus of it is knock off.
Day 23 to be continued…. Ohhhhhhh wwaahhhh
posted by NicknAnt @ 12:24 PM
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