Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 23 - Day 19 Sarajevo to Mostar....

I couldn’t believe it but I had another decent night sleep at the Photoshop City Hotel… Looking at their pictures on the web… I’m not sure if I ever had come across the mythical lobby or restaurant or halls…? Maybe the only picture that vaguely looks like this place is the bedroom photo – but everything else is some sort of CGI illusion… plus you can’t smell the tobacco on the website…

I finally got my first hot shower at the hotel – my last two had been stone cold. Running cold water/cigarette smells/Reception domestics/hard-core Bosnian porn – fantastic features of the Banana City Hotel.

The breakfast yet another continental affair – this time – it had looked like it was the leftovers from the day before. Ant discovered the reason behind the hotel’s mainly male clientele – most of the guys looked like truck drivers stopping at the markets… That might be the reasoning behind the hard-core Bosnian porn… Truckdriving City Hotel more like it…

After checking out and getting our passports back from the front counter (I hate it when hotels/hostels take your passport! Or anyone for that matter) – we caught a number 4 tram directly to the train station… Things were looking milhouse today – checked out of Banana City Hotel and a tram going directly to where we wanted to go…

We arrived a bit early for our 10am bus – and I managed to convince some woman at the ticket counter (who didn’t really speak any engrish) to put us on the next bus at 9am.

Despite the bus station screen showing that most seats were not reserved – the bus to Mostar was quite busy – as there were plenty of locals who got on and off the bus in heaps of stops in between Sarajevo and Mostar.

The scenery to Mostar was quite spectacular. The environment around Sarajevo is quite green, lush and mountain-y, with lots of lakes and stuff. LP strongly recommends the train trip from Sarajevo to Mostar – and it was quite apparent why… the train tracks mostly seem to precariously hang over cliffs – and wobbly looking bridges. But we decided to bus it instead because the time didn’t suit and it would take 4 hours to Mostar instead of 2…

When we crossed over a valley – the scenery near Mostar changed from being lush and green to quite dry and arid… a bit like Arequipa in Peru (dry, almost moon-like).

We arrived at Mostar about 11:30ish after an alright bus ride (apart from a local who seemed to be lacking in the use of deodorant). We hunted down the local bus station ticket office – where I used my Beijing “KFC” skills of forcefully removing some local woman in front of me who tried to cut me off in the queue. Ant and I got tixs for the Eurolines bus to Dubrovnik the next day.

Our walk to the hostel wasn’t too bad – just a 10 min walk. Mostar was feeling a whole lot more “rustic” than Sarajevo – a bit dustier and dirty. Some local guy walked up to Ant and asked whether or not Ant knew where he was going… You never really know in situations like this – are they really genuine and wanting to try out their engrish – or are they trying to “fleece their wares”…?

On arrival at “Pansion Lombrelle” – the people there didn’t seem to have any idea about our reservation for one night – nor did they seem to speak any engrish… I dashed into their internet room – logged onto Hotmail – and printed out our hostel.com booking and showed it to them… We had a bit of problem with the payment – where they wanted the full amount whereas we had paid a 10% deposit already over the net… After sorting out that problem – they led us up to our “booked room” – a 4 bed dorm… We didn’t complain – and it managed to be one of the better hostels we have stayed at… It was a really big room, complete with a TV with engrish cable channels, a bar fridge and ensuite. Although it was a “dorm” room – we pretty much had the place all to ourselves.

We headed out to Mostar’s big attraction – the Old Bridge (aka Stari Most)… a UNSECO World Heritage site. Although it is called the “Old Bridge” – it really is the “New Old Bridge” as the original was blown up by Croat troops during the war in the 90s. The bridge was rebuilt in the late 90s (as a sign of goodwill between Croatia and BIH – according to LP)… and it is fairly spectacular. It’s a big arched bridge situated over the lushest looking river – with both sides of “Old Mostar” directly opposite. Ant took all of these “stalkery” shots of some guy who was wandering around the bridge in a pair of red budgie smugglers (putting that Peter Debnam to shame). Ant got me to stand on the bridge and got of a shot of me (plus the other guy in the background) – your secret is out Ant! We soon discovered that the guy must have belonged to the “Mostar Bridge Jumping Club” – no this isn’t some suicidal Emo club – but rather a diving club for maniacs who like to jump off a 20m bridge into a cold river or something…

We had some lunch at a local café – and pretty much had the same stuff as the day before… this time with some pivo (aka beer). We topped this off with some ice-cream from across the way – which was absolutely delicious. By the way – these Bosnians are sure into snickers flavoured ice cream (as you do).

We checked out the Herzegovina museum. As you enter the front door – it sets off a bell – which must have woken up this old guy to come and serve as and get our 2km entrance fee. The place was completely… not packed – Ant and I were the only people there (a great thing about BIH – lack of tourists!). The museum guy was a little pushing pointing at what we should do… He led us down to an underground lair… then switched off the lights (didn’t this happen in Silence of the Lambs or something?) and a film started (maybe not like Silence of the Lambs). In the 50plus seater theatre (which was bigger than that sh##y cinema in the heart of Adelaide where Ant and I saw Casino Royale at) – the film pretty much showed the “highlights” of the new “Old Bridge” of Mostar – eg: nice pretty music of the bridge before the war, and some crazys jumping off the bridge, then some bad 80s cock rock guitar music with the Croat soliders taking about 5 attempts to blow up the bridge – then some “Amigos Para Siempre” crap music of the rebuilding and reopening of the bridge. During the opening ceremony – they had a few divers in action… with some big f### off fireworks – they were so big – I thought the bridge might explode again…

After the very small museum – we walked back over the infamous aforementioned bridge (which is really hard to walk on – no thanks to the dodgy ye-olde pavement) and headed to the other side of town. All of the damage to buildings around the place was a bit of a shock to the system. There was burnt out shells of buildings abound – something that we hadn’t seen in Sarajevo (mainly because they have rebuilt a lot of it)… Good old “modern” ruins. Another thing we had noticed that in the film at the museum – that the city looked a lot more built up and urban before the war.

We checked out a local mosque which was interesting – they don’t have the whole “Catholic church decked out with gold and bling” thing happening – rather lots of painted mosaic things on the wall and plenty of rug action abound. Ant had spent a couple more km to get up on the prayer tower thingy – which was full of annoying French girls – complete with “off the shoulder bikini tops” (Inappropriate mosque wear for women number 1).

We chilled back at the hostel – where we both slept for a little while. I woke up and used the internet downstairs to blog for a bit and to look for Dubrovnik accommodation. After about 1 hour – Ant joined me for a joint Dubrovnik accommodation session. After I had had enough with the internet – I headed back up to the room – where I encountered some guy who worked at the hostel asking me “when are you going to pay for the internet?” Usually at hostels (unless signposted) – you’d assume that the internet was free and the website even advertises it in a sort of ambiguous way… (http://www.pansion-lombrelle.com/en/)... Anyhows – this whole thing put me in a ACCC-consumer rights nazi kind of mood.

Ant was keen to “spend up big” and go to a restaurant with a view of the bridge. But spending it big in BIH means paying $10AUD for a beer and a meal with a great view of the new-old bridge of Mostar. We had some pizza (we think it is the national food here or something) and the weather was a little on the fresh side – but the view was great and worth the hypothermia.

At dinner - Ant and I were investigating in LP the nearby "Las Vegas" for devout christians - Medugorje. A town that has 17,000 beds - more beds than the rest of the country... According to LP - "on 24 June 1981, 6 teenagers in this once dirt-poor mountain village claimed they'd seen...the Virgin Mary" - and so began the Christian-tourist mecha that is "Medugorje". 3 of the original teens still claim to see visions of the Virgin Mary daily whilst the rest only see her on "special days". And by the way - the Catholic Church haven't officially endorsed the apparitions. Big tourist attractions include "Apparition Hill" whereby pilgrams can go up the hill to where the Virgin Mary was first seen - even barefoot if you want to. Joy!

There is a total lack of tourists here in Mostar (and BIH for that matter). There was one single bus load of tourists in town – who must of come to Mostar for a day trip – as there was no one else in town.

Ant and I couldn’t help ourselves – and we had a second serving of ice cream for the day (as you do) and went to our hostel and crashed for the night.

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On a footnote about the Banana City Hotel in Sarajevo - if you look it up in google - one of the entries is about "Islamic extremists transiting Balkans for years" - http://www.shout.net/~bigred/AIA0418.html .

Here is an excerpt - "...an example of a terrorist codenamed Maximus, who held secret meetings at the Banana City Hotel on the outskirts of Sarajevo". Choice! Only the best for Nick and Ant - Banana City Hotel - Hotel of Choice for Islamic Extremists! Book now at http://www.banana-city.net/

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 22 - Day 18 Continued....

As Ant has a somewhat "freaky" obsession with visiting former (and present) Olympic sites of the world... we had to visit the Sarajevo 84 site... No - not of the summer but of the winter variety....

It took us about 20 minutes to walk from the station to the site... we had to pass through Sarajevo's version of Sydney's M5 East tunnel - complete with a strange "motor noxious odour"… mmm M5 East fragrance… Also on the way to the stadium – there was a huge muslim cemetery. Although all the tombstones (which aren’t that too dissimilar from Christian tombstones – just a bit more phallic) were newish – Ant was sure that the cemetery might have been rebuilt after the war. Also – it was a little discomforting to see the many graves of people who died in the early to mid 90s period…

In true run-down Olympic venue style – all of the stadiums and former venues were shut. I took a few “desperate” happy snaps through the back fence – but whoever had designed the place had done a good job – keeping those who haven’t bought tickets away from seeing any of the actual action in the stadium. It was interesting to see that the IOC had done a bit of a restoration job of the former ice skating venue in the late 90s.

After wandering around a bit at the Olympic site – we decided to go into town and check out the Sarajevsko Pivo Brewery as it was highly recommended in LP. The “Brewery” or former brewery has been converted into a swanky beer hall / restaurant… Although the “Pivo” is traditional Bosnian fare – surely the gangsta rap playing at “eleven” with multiple mentionings of that MF word isn’t traditional Bosnian music. (Inappropriate music for a beer hall number 1 – Gangsta Rap with lots of MF usage). Despite the heavy MF usage – Ant and I decided to order a couple of nice Sarajevsko beers. We both had a bit of a LP Eastern European lesson on a few scary places including Moldova – sounds like heaven on earth or something… Meanwhile the traditional Bosnian music continued to play – with J’Lo songs circa 1999 being played at “eleven” on somewhat repetitive rotation. Despite the traditional music – this place managed to get in the 2006 Hot Beer Tables or something (their award was framed next to our table).

We go to a nearby-ish internet café (what I mean by nearby-ish is that Ant made us go on a forced hike for about 1 and a half kms to get there) and book our Mostar accommodation for tomorrow.

We headed back into the main part of Sarajevo for some food and went to a beer-garden-esque pizza place which, despite what was said on the menu, they did not have any beer. Maybe it has something to do with them being situated right next to a Mosque? Anyhow – it was a pretty cheap pizza (at $3AUD for a biggish small pizza).

On our way back to the Banana City Hotel (or should that be the photoshopped city hotel?) – we thought we would be “smart” and just buy one tram ticket for our trip to the bus station tomorrow morning without validating it on our way back to the hotel. Sarajevo has the whole “Melbourne Tram Deal” – where you can buy a ticket – but you need to validate the ticket in the machine (which seems to be somewhat “optional” activity both here in Sarajevo and in Melbourne). We both had bought tickets from the seemingly uninterested driver – but as soon as we just loitered around the front of the tram with our tickets not being validated – he got another passenger to tell us in English to validate them… damn – there goes our idea to save $2!

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 21 - Day 18 - First Day in Sarajevo...

Despite being in a seedy hotel with bad pron - I had managed to get my best night's sleep in all of Eastern Europe.... where we woke up about 8ish (which is really late in my book). But the hotel was determined to put me in a bad mood and my shower was stone cold...

We had a free Continental Breakfast included with our room rate at the Banana City Hotel.. It was the whole bread, cheese and meat deal that we were starting to get accustomed too... Although the surroundings were a little divey.... sleazy looking guys smoking and stuff... but we couldn't figure out why everyone staying here were all guys... (That mystery was solved the next day).

I had sorted of mucked around and started to watch some really bad live-action Snow White movie that had looked like it was dubbed into English - then had Bosnian subtitles... as you do.

As we had become experts with Sarajevo transport - we caught a tram into town. Ant noticed that the tram trip was a bit on the tram "rocking in a violent fashion" side.. it was a bit worse for wear. Maybe it had something to do with the tram driver - who was busy flirting and talking to most of the customers.

We got off the tram in the "Novo Sarajevo" side of town (eg: New Sarajevo). There was the big bright yellow tetris building that was the Holiday Inn - complete with shelling marks at the top of it. The Holiday Inn (according to LP) was the only functioning hotel during the siege in Sarajevo - it also housed all of the foreign journalist covering the war...

I make a quick detour to buy a drink (there wasn't all that much to drink at the hotel breakfast... they didn't offer me any coffee!) then we made tracks to the Sarajevo Museum - which had a great little exhibit on the war and the siege of Sarajevo. It was a great start to Sarajevo as it put a bit of perspective on what had happened here and why shelling and stuff is visible in most places... Some of the pics were a bit bloody - I'm sure there was one photo where you could seen inside someone's rib cage... neyoce! Although the museum was a bit on the small side - there was remarkably no one there about from another couple... Yes - no tourists!

It had sort of felt pretty amazing wandering around and seeing chunks out of buildings missing and holes in the footpath. It sort of felt our visit here was a bit like "Spot the shelling"... Despite this - Sarajevo was really really kodak moment-y.

We wandered up a very gorgeous stream running through the city - the water was quite clear and not polluted. There were plenty of hilly areas and a couple of skiing mountains nearby. LP recommends that you stick to the runs here - because there are land mines if you head off piste... My brother wouldn't last here... Despite there being snow on nearby mountains - it was quite warm - T-shirt weather for the most part. It sort of reminded me a bit of Santiago in Chile (with the Andes in the background) - although for the most part - Sarajevo didn't have the whole "Completo Hot Dog" thing happening.

We explored the "ye-olde" cobblestoned road district (it seems to be a mandatory thing for all eastern european cities to have) - and everything was very quaint. There were even some beautiful looking mosques around the place.

Speaking of Muslims - we checked out a old Muslim family house - which was how a wealthy Muslim family used to live back in the day. Although a little on the "bear" side - it did have some funky bedrooms - the kind where you sleep on the floor and smoke crack cocaine (or whatever they smoke in those middle eastern pipes). Rock and Roll..

We then checked out a Serb Bosnian orthodox church - which had survived the war. There was some cool looking orthodox christian art (and some killer St Nicholas art - who suspiciously looks like Santa) and a strange little rant about how the Serb Bosnians churches were all blown up during the war... maybe it had something to do with the whole "Serbs killing bosnians thing" or something... We even checked out the Orthodox Church without having to pay the 3km entrance fee - its a miracle.

We get some traditional bosnian lunch in the form of these turkish pide bread with marinated bits of lamb and onion to go with it... Although the onion is just a side dish - I sort of got a bit carried away with them and my throat was "onion goodness" for the rest of the day.

We head over to the train station - which feels a lot less seedier than it did at 10pm at night. Our original plan for this holiday to catch a bus from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik - but to do that we would have to catch an 8 hour bus from 7am at Sarajevo.. Since that was a bit hazardous to our health - we decide instead to catch a bus at 10am to Mostar (a smallish town about 2 hours away from Sarajevo) and stop there for the night before heading to Dubrovnik the day after.

To be continued....

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 20 - Day 17 Cont...

The last 30 mins or so of our fabulous train trip to Sarajevo was pretty much in pitch darkness - no thanks to some electrical problem only 30 year old russian trains can have...

Sarajevo station was a little bit of a mind fark - it looked like you had landed on the set of "Dawn of the Dead" or something - with hardly any signs of life (apart from the occasional tout) - it had the "incredibly run down" look down pat. There was visible signs of shelling from the recent war, plus lots of graffiti and a lack of signs to boot. Also there was a complete lack of ATM machine-machines there - making it a little awkward if we wanted to try and get to our hotel.

Outside of the station - and it was no better... There wasn't just no sign of ATMs around - but also a complete lack of shops or people anywhere... Not to mention that the complete lack of signs or maps as well - it makes you feel very welcome.

Ant and I (with all of our bags in tow) headed out in the general direction of a big tall building (to try and get some $$) but about 2 mins walk from the station - we managed to locate the seediest ATM in the free world. It was out the front of a closed supermarket - and there was heaps of light shining on the ATM and not much light anywhere else - as if the ATM was trying to say "Rob me!" to passers-by.

We took our chances and I got some cash out first... Whilst Ant was getting some cash out - a guy doign some crazy driving did a 180 when he saw us at the ATM and parked his car really close to us... I was starting to get the sinking feeling that we were going to be robbed. The guy got out of his car - checked the sides of his boots (as you do) and then proceeded to walk in our direction... I was starting to think - "Ohh s$$t - we are getting robbed"... But alas he was just a really strange tout who was wanting to sell us some accommodation.

After grabbing our Bosnian cash (which is called KM or something) - we made fast tracks back to the station. After checking out the tram station (with its complete lack of signs or timetables anywhere) - we thought that we should bite the bullet and get a cab instead to our hotel.

There was a taxi waiting out the front of the train station. Having a quick read through LP - it said that all taxis in BIH are metered and should cost about $2AUD flag all then $1 every Km or something... So our five km trip to our hotel shouldn't cost more than 6 or so AUD.

However - my rip-off detector started to go off a bit when the taxi guy didn't have a meter and said that it would cost 5 Euro to get to our hotel (about $10 AUD)... Also - he had made the flippant comment that there are no trams this late at night... Of course - as soon as he said that - a tram had pulled up at the tram stop nearby.

When we were both in the taxi - he mentioned that he "did not know the hotel address" but it "looks a bit further out than what he first thought..." I wonder if this guy went to the "School of Bangkok Taxi Drivers" or something??

Anyhow - on our journey to the hotel - the taxi driver kept continually bitching about how "far" our hotel was and that there are no trams (when there were at least half a dozen trams going past the taxi... as you do).

So after five minutes of driving (and claiming on not knowing where our hotel was) - he pulled up a seedy side street (where I thought - sh## we are going to be robbed Sth American style..) and stopped and said "Here it is! Banana City Hotel!"... I sort had got the feeling that he knew where the hotel was from the start...

Ant was dealing with the money - and the supposed "really long trip" to somewhere he "didn't know" costs 20km - more than double what he originally had said... I'm sure a five minute taxi trip in Canberra (the mother of all rip of taxi trips) wouldn't cost $20AUD... (maybe $15 instead). So yay for us - our first rip off experience in the trip.

Now - onto the Banana City Hotel... When we entered into the lobby (which suspiciously doesn't look like anything like its "photo-shopped to the max" website pics - there was a couple behind the desk having a bit of a Jerry Springer tiff (as you do). The reception reaked of tobacco - I meant it smelt like flowers...! We check in and have to surrender our passports - where the hotel was keeping them in a very fort knox secure location - behind the desk in some pigeon holes...

Our room, like the lobby - smelt badly of cigarettes... It had smelt like someone had done a four week tobacco dutch oven festival in there... then some... Ant got a bit moody and was thinking about checking out to somewhere else (flashbacks to Guilin Hotel from Hell) but I had food on my mind (following our death nazi starvation train trip from today).

We wander outside the hotel - where there isn't any sign of a single shop or restaurant... Talk about Location Location Location for the Banana City Hotel. It sort of feels like Banana City is situated in Sarajevo's version of "Fyshwick Fresh Food Markets" - as there was a closed market right outside of the hotel.

We wander to a nearby petrol station (we are getting desperate here) where there was no signs of any food and stuff... We cross the road over to a local tram stop (past some BIH cops at the scene of a motorbike accident - which looked kinda bad). We waited for about 10 mins and had caught the first tram which appeared - not quite knowing where it would take us...

Sarajevo was looking really dire in the "shops/food" department. We had not seen a single open shop since we arrived at the station - and although Ant thought we were on the "main road" of Sarajevo (which we sort of were) - there was no signs of any food places.

Five minutes into the tram trip - and I spot what looks like to be an open bakery - so we both pop off the tram and check it out. We both had ordered a slice of luke warm but tasty pizza and some local pastry thing. I hand over a 50km note to the kid behind the counter - and it had looked like it was the biggest note he had ever seen in his life. He starts to get a bit panicky - and gets his dad from the back to help him... That bakery looked like it had the whole child slave labour thing down pat - with the kid out the front to serve customers and an ever younger kid out the back making the stuff...

We decide to walk back to the hotel (in order to get a bit of exercise) - but I think it took us 45 mins to walk back - it was quite a distance to get to the bakery. Ant was a little worried in some parts of the walk - telling me to "tone it down" so that we don't attract the unwanted attention of any locals...

We crash back at the hotel - where Bosnian TV is even more sick and deranged than Euroitca TV... We were innocently change the stations when suddenly - Ant had put it on a hard core Euro pron channel - with about 3 guys doing the money shot on one woman.. as you do...

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 19 - Day 17 - Welcome to Sarajevo...

We both had a really sh££y night sleep. It was incredibly hot in the guesthouse as the hired help (from last night) with his poker mates had cranked up heater more than the Nelly "Hot in Herre" video - which made it completely unbearable. I think I had woken up at around 4ish and didn't go back to bed.

We "got up" from bed at 6:30am, then showered and dressed and I headed at the ungodly time of 6:45am to a nearby Spar supermarket (yes - that obscure ex-supermarket from Fyshwick seems to be everywhere in Eastern Europe) to try and find some supplies - preferrably bananas or something vaguely healthy - alas Spar didn't stock bananas... So I picked up some chocolate and chips instead...

Upon return to the Guesthouse - I'm sure I spotted about 3 people including the hired help at the upstairs-bit of the guesthouse making out... Connections was living up to its name.

We helped ourselves to breakfast (we didn't want to interrupt the luv from upstairs) and headed with our packed bags to the nearby subway (a hellish 15 min walk with our bags).

We arrived back at the same station we had been dropped off from the sleeper train and made our way to (what Ant thought was our platform) - lucky platform 13. With the remaining 184F I had managed to put together between Ant and myself - I managed to spend 180 of it on some fresh bananas... I'm such a sh££ hot shopper dammit... After I buy the bananas - Ant realises that the Platform 13 isn't so lucky and that we should head to platform 7 if we want to reach Sarajevo sometime today...!

That stewpid fat lady who had sold us the train tickets seemed to have reared her ugly fat butt again - the seats she had reserved for us did not exist... After about 5 minutes of stressing out - I dig my feet in and just take some random seats in what we thought would be the right carriage to Sarajevo. Ant had bumped into some American tourists who were also going to Sarajevo and were having the same problem we were having - but instead of finding some seats on the second class carriage - they all plonked down in the first class carriage (which was surprisingly worse and grungier than the second class carriage - it had also reaked of 40 years of communist cigar smoking as well).

There were some strange Hungarian girls sitting in their own compartment who were strange beyond belief. Despite it being 8am in the morning - they were all in hysterics. They were all screaming their heads off - which was clearly audible throughout the carriage... and it was non-stop... I suspect drugs or women problems or something...

Our train finally left the Budapest station - and low and behold - the train conductor didn't even flinch when we were sitting in the wrong seat...

When we booked the tickets to Sarajevo - we both had found it a bit hard to comprehend why a 500km train trip would take 12 hours... But as the train got "going" at 50km/hr - it was starting to become apparent why this trip would take 12 hours.

The train had a big stop at a city called Pecs (yes I've been to Pecs City...!) - although it wasn't as sexy and exciting as it sounds. The front two carriages of the train were Bosinan - and were headed to Sarajevo - whilst the rest of the train was only headed to Pecs and it disconnected at Pecs (including the food cart bit)... This all happened around lunch time - and we hadn't had lunch (just a few nibbles on our supplies of a diet coke each, a bottle of water, 2 bananas each, a small choc bar and a bag of chips to share). Little did we know that for the rest of our trip to Sarajevo - there wasn't going to be any food service... nor the opportunity to buy food at any of the stations... What was this stewpid train - the Hungarian Nazi Train Service to Poland? Anyhow - once this realisation sunk in - we started to ration our food like there was no tomorrow. Ant made a plan of "Right Nick - we will have a half of a banana at 4pm and the packet of crisps (sorry I'm using the term "crisps" but I'm writing this from the UK£!) at 5pm" and so forth...

Meanwhile - we think that the American tourists bound for Sarajevo got off at Pecs city instead (heh heh heh!)... as there was no sign of them in the two carriage train bound for Sarajevo after Pecs.

If I haven't talked about the train situation in europe before - well its a bit bizzare. Because most trains operate in different countries - if the train starts in (lets say) the Czech Republic and ends up in Poland (sounds familiar) - there will be a Czech team running the train up until the border - when a Polish crew will take over... most likely with a different engine. Because our trip from Budapest to Sarajevo cut through the border of Croatia a couple of times - our crew (and engine) would change everytime we crossed a border. It sort of makes everything somewhat queer (in the non gay sense) because our train to Sarajevo is full of different sorts of hungarian and BIH (or Bosnina & Hergsovina for short) carriages and engines and stuff...

It was sort of quite hillarious through our first border crossing into Croatia - Ant got a text from the Croatian tourist board saying "Welcome to Croatia" before we passed through the border immigration policia. We could have shown Ant's phone to the guards saying "look! We are already in Croatia no thanks to the Croatian Tourist Board! You can't deny us entry dammit!". Plus I swore that those laughing hungarian girls were going to get deported at the border crossing - they were still laughing their brains out in earshot of the policia...

Once we hit the border into Croatia - the train seemed like it couldn't go past 40kms/hr - plus the train seemed to be scheduled to stop at every gawdamn tree in the country. Every stop would last for about 15 mins (where I don't think anyone would get on or off the two carriage train) and it was terribly painful. But I guess a bonus of Croatia was that you could see old huts and stuff with bullet holes in them from the recent war... coool! War zone baby...

The border crossing into BIH was a little on the strange side - I've never had an immigration policia poke my bag a couple of times before... (That tried and tested method for detecting drugs - poking a backpack). Plus there was the added bonus that the guy took our passports away (out of sight) for about 10 mins.

To be continued or something...

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 18 - Day 16 - Bludge Holiday day in Budapest

Ant wakes up before me (shock) and chats with the owner and internets... He has this weird obsession with checking his old work's email address for the whole trip - which is strange and I think he needs help.

Anyhow - I woke up about 9ish and we both had breakfast. I'm starting to enjoy the whole eastern europe "bread roll with ham, salami and cheese" thing for breakfast - I'm soo euro baby...

I blog for a bit (gawd my spelling mistakes are so bad on this - but I'm on holidays - and so is grammar and english too!) before we both leave the guesthouse at around 10:30ish...

I keep forgetting to mention about my beard - it is growing slowly - like grass growing in the depths of winter... Ant now thinks that I have hit puberty - and have now hit my terrible teens or something...

Feeling a bit over musuems and stuff - we decide to head out and just wander... Because of our "lack of getting out of guesthouse before 10:30" - we had missed all of the tickets to Parliment for the day. So instead of doing this - we headed to a "park island" thing in the middle of the Danbue that wasn't in LP. It was a pretty cool park (which sort of reminded me of Central Park in NY) - there were youfs fighting (our word for "youths") under a bridge, lots of inappropriate bathers sunbaking (including a "whale of a woman" with a fluro pink thong on) and plenty of Canberrean Mr Spoke-esque four-wheel bikes around - trying to run Ant and I down. It felt good getting out of the hurly-burly of city life - and relaxing in a relatively lush and green park.

We head to the nearby metro - whilst we both notice that once you get out of the "touristy bits" of Budapest - it tends to get a bit "communistic" public housing-esque.... (just like Krakow).

On our little badarse routine - we both don't buy metro tickets (oooohh ahhhhh) and get away with it.

Because we both didn't feeling like doing anything touristy today - we headed to a nearby mall (the "West End Mall" to be precise) and checked out the food trough for lunchies... We both made the same mistake and had ordered the free-world's coldest pasta ever for lunch (when it was supposed to be hot).

I attempted to buy shoes at the mall - from various retailers - but I had come to the conclusion that all shops in Hungry had only stocked up to euro size 45 - when I'm a 48... What is this - Japan??

We came across a store called Aboriginal (this is no joke) - which was a youf store which was full of bad Australian-inspired street ware. You could get dodgy "New South Wales" t-shirts and dodgier "Abo Denmin" jeans (the most racist jeans on the planet)... You'd think with a name like "Aboriginal" - you'd think the clothes would have the Aboriginal flag on them - but no..... everything had the Australian-union jack flack on it - just to rub more mud in indigenous australian's faces... Perhaps I should call the Ngunnawal people back at home and get them to fly over to Budapest and burn down every Aboriginal outlet there is....? To make matters worse - they loved to use bad mullet models in their promotional shots...

Ant buys a couple of male singlets from a female underware shop - they were so kind to put his purchases in a rather feminine bag - so he could walk out of the shop in feminine style...baby...

We head back to the Guesthouse - where I chill out and explores the city a bit more. In a bit of a shocking development on the metro - Ant was attempted pick-pocketed by some old gypsy woman on the metro. Ant said that he could feel someone go for his back trouser pocket - but thankfully - Ant and I always travel with our wallets in our front pockets. This gypsy woman wasn't doing the Romas any favours in terms of sterotypes after our visit to the Halocaust Roma display... So pickpocketers in the future should read this blog to get advice as how to mug us...

We have a few glasses of Hungarian vino at home (this time - I bought the wine - so it wasn't complete paint stripper material) - and I post our 100th blog.

Feeling rather uninspired - we head out to Cafe Elclectica for dinner again. I had ordered some weird Hungarian pasta dish and Ant had some more goulash - but next time - I think I might order that dead baby veal again... (so good).

We have another nanna night and head home. Upon arrival at the guesthouse - the hired help (who seemed pretty young) - had invited all of his friends over to have a poker night (as you do). They were pretty roudy - and Ant couldn't sleep over the noise - so he internets a bit... (as you do).

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 17 - Day 15 - Budapest - Day of Terror

After our wild night out - we get up at the granny time of 9am.

We had breakfast included at the "Connection" Guesthouse - but it was of the eastern euro variety - choc-coco puff things, yoghurt, bread, ham, cheese, salami - that sort of thing (sans Toaster). We met the "infamous" german lesbians staying at the guesthouse - who were apparently "preventing" people from lounging around naked or something... They were nice enough.

We headed out to the nearby "House of Terror" or "Terror Haza" - a former AVH secret police headquarters (back in the merry days of communism in Hungry). It was 1500F to get in (about $10AUD) - and was very very modern - matrix-esque music playing everywhere and lots of symobilisim - however - there was an almost complete lack of engrish anywhere (strange considering how new the museum was). Plus most things on display didn't seem to have much of a description in Hungarian either... For those not in the know - Hungarian is apparently one of two languages that isn't derrived from any other language... Finish is the other. (Blame Ant if this info is wrong). The House of Terror tried to present both the Nazi occupation in Hungry as well as the soviet occupation.

During our visit to the house - Ant and I got split up. I assumed that he was behind me - reading all the photocopied sheets in english and taking his time. Although to my amazement - he was waiting out of the front of the museum for me to finish. I quickly bought this grungy prision coffee mug (for work purposes - to replace my vietnamese communist mug) and Ant had apparently hit his head on the ceiling of the dungeon bit of the museum - with copius amounts of blood everywhere. The House of Terror claims another victim.

A bit worried whether or not Ant had suffered concussion from the hit to the head - we headed (no pun intended) to nearby Cafe Eclectica to have a "Cappuccino " and a Hot Chocolate. After that I grab some bakery stuff to have for lunch - on the way to the Keleti Train Station to buy us some train tickets to Sarajevo.

I'd been getting vibes from all of the Eastern European cities we had visited of other places we'd been before. Prague sort of reminded me a bit of Switzerland, whilst Krakow reminded me a little of Prague and Berlin. Budapest however was giving me an Southern American vibe - a Buenos Aires vibe infact. According to Ant - holder of all useless trivia information - for the Madonna Evita movie - they filmed it in Budapest (rather than BA) because of problems filming in Argentina. So the vibe I picked up about Budapest must ring true for the producers of Evita.

At the train station - we avoided all of the touts from yesterday and headed to the ticket counter - where we had encountered the Hungarian B###h from Hell at the ticket office. She was pretty rude - asking us for the time of the train we wanted to go on (rather than her providing the info for us) - and disappeared on us for five minutes (probably to have a union sactioned fag break) - and suddenly came back to her desk and had to handwrite out the tickets for us ($80AUD per ticket). A smile would have been nice.

We walk back to the Guesthouse - the highlights of walking back include "Ant getting a sandwich", and "deros everywhere" (according to my notebook)...

When we arrive back at the Guesthouse - the sleazy guy was back - who recommended that we should both go to a "cruisy" Hungarian bathhouse for the afternoon. We crash for a bit in our room - before deciding that we should take up his advice (not because it was cruisy but because LP strongly recommends going there).

We catch the metro to the Szechenyi Eurdo Bathhouse (apparently - the metro line that we caught is continental europe's oldest metro line - another useless Ant fact - or was that LP's work?). One of the ticket machines started to eat my F coinage - so Ant and I decided to be total badarses and not pay for tickets (as they don't tend to check anywhere)...

The Szechenyi Eurod Bathhouse was like a labyrinth of mineral thermal pools (all at varying temp's), steam rooms, sanuas and a couple of giant outdoor heated (and not heated) pools with jets and whirlpools and stuff... Old and young people, tourists and locals all flock here to relax, enjoy themselves (and to sometimes copulate). There were a tonne of Borat look-a-likes around (they just needed the "mankini" to perfect the look) and I found my new favourite thing - the steam room (only had done sanuas before - but steam rooms are sooo much better). In one of the various steam rooms that Ant and I visited - there was a straight couple doing a dry hump against each other (or is that a wet hump in a steam room?). We managed to kill 2 hours there before heading back to the guesthouse (on foot).

Talking about vibes of places - the way back to the guesthouse was giving us both the vibe of Paris as well as BA... Does this make Budapest the "Paris of the East" (Sparticus guidebook describes Budapest as this)?? Wait - I thought the Paris of the East was Hanoi, or was that Shanghai... I'm so confused!

We get a bottle of cheap red hungarian wine to polish off at the guesthouse - whilst I do some blogging. Ant was getting into a conversation with the guy that owned the guesthouse - saying that life in Communist Hungary wasn't all that bad - although he can now buy things in Budapest that he used to have to travel to Vienna for...

We get a restaurant recommendation to a local pizza place (near the nightclub we went to last night). I was going to do one of my infamous "restaurant walkouts" when we didn't receive a menu - but after 3 tense minutes - we got one. Dinner was pretty nice and cheap - Ant had a big f### off pizza and I had the strangest lasagne I'd ever had (but it was good)...

After our "wild night" the previous night - we both decide to have a "nanna night" tonight - and head home...

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 16 - Day 14 - Sleeper Train to Budapest

My god - I got a bad night sleep on the Sleeper train. I sort of woke up 30 mins before the Slovack border crossing (probably thinking to myself about the border crossing) - which turned out to be very crazy. It was about 2 am in the morning and some rude border guards checked our passports not one - but twice. They even had sniffer dogs go down the train and someone walking up and down the side of the train on the tracks. It wasn`t like we were even getting off the train to visit Slovakia!

The Hungarian one (at about 4:30amish) was a lot better (just a simple check of the passports - not even any stamps - very unlike Eastern Europe)... although I didn`t get back to sleep.

For breakfast - I had bought a couple of salad sandwiches from Krakow station the night before which were OK.

Did I mention that the train company`s name is "WARS" and their restaurants are called "GASTRO WARS"... At least we haven`t had any "Gastro Wars Episode II - Attack of the Diarrohea" episodes yet this holiday. We got some complementary tea and coffee which wasn`t all bad.

Ant enjoyed his train trip - I just wished that I had the same strange enthusiasm on sleeping on an waffer thin matress on a bumpy train with nasty slovack guards....

We arrive at Budapest "mystery" station at about 9:30am ish and it felt like we had arrived at Tout Central - where there were dodgy accommodation offers left right and centre to us about 10 seconds after stepping off the train.

I go to a nearby bank to get rid of my unwanted Polish Zolloti (or whatever it is called) for some Hungarian Forint (which one Australian Paseo is worth 150 Hungarian paseos).We walk around for 10 mins to try and orientate ourselves. Ant is ready to throw our copy of LP off a bridge - before I discover that we are Keleti Train Station (as opposed to Nyuguti Train Station - where Ant thought we were at) - so it wasn`t really LPs fault in this instance. This meant that we needed to catch a metro ride to Deak Ter...

There was something about railway stations in Europe which was soo seedy. Prague was seedy (I can`t get that image of that homeless guy taking a slash with absolutely no "privacy" tree or bush nearby), and Krakow was no barrel of fun either. Budapest had the whole seedy drunk bum thing happening downpat at 10am in the morning - complete with a hip hop dancing old bum woman thing happening. You compare these eastern european train stations to Japan - where the train station is about the cleanest, non-seediest part in the whole country... Bizzare...

The Underground metro ride to Deak Ter felt a bit similar to Prague`s metro system - it had the whole 100m underneath the surface bomb-shelter/blast door thing happening... Although you needed your wits about you to ride the 100km an hour escalators down to the station (you were almost going to break new land-speed records with that thing).

When we arrive - Ant needed about 10 mins or so to get his bearings (whilst bad mouthing LP maps the whole way). When he works out what direction our guesthouse was in - we walk for about 10 mins until he starts complaining that the LP maps aren`t making any sense... I take a look at the map - and figure out that we have been heading in the wrong direction... Maybe my three years doing primary school orienteering have paid off or something (my god - orienteering must be the geekiest sport in the universe - I only did it because I could bludge).

After another 15 mins - we finally find "Connection Guesthouse" (...yes - I know - this sounds like a dodgy Gay Nightclub). My fears of a "clothing optional" place was sort of getting realised when we met the receptionist (who was pretty sleazy)... but thank god there are lesbians staying - so there will be none of that. He did make some sharp remarks about the Poles that "they are still crying over their dead pope" (which appeared accurate) and seemed a little shocked that we were going to Bosina after Budapest...

We dump our stuff and head to a nearby bakery for some coffee and cake (which was very cheap - I heart Eastern Europe).

As we walk in the direction of the Danube river - we get the feeling that Budapest is the first "real city" we have been to in our travels in Eastern Europe so far. Prague and Krakow (although very pretty) both didn`t feel like a modern city (no CBD or big buildings) - but Budapest felt a lot more modern... and rich. The Budapestians (or what ever I should call them) felt a lot better off than their Czech and Polish counterparts. There were a lot more Mercs and ritzy cars about the place and it had a vibe that these people aren`t just living off tourists.

The banks of the Danbue was gorgeous and breathtakingly beautiful. It was aligned with lots of old Budapest style buildings and big old bridges - all of which was instantanously recognisable. For those in the know - our guesthouse is on the "Pest" side of town (a bit more modern) - and on the other side of the Danube lies the "Buda" side of town... (I just love calling a place "Pest"). Of note - the architecture here feels a bit more "Eastern" with long, slender towers with pointy bits - it feels a bit Russian/Islamic in style. It is not surprising as a lot of people say that Budapest is a bit of a "East" meets "West" sort of place - a highly modern city with a lot of old-school 19th century mansions.

We both walk over the Chain Bridge - across to the Buda side of town. The weather here in Budapest is a hell of a lot warmer than back in Krakow or Prague - you can get away with just wearing T-shirts in the day time here (even shorts probably). We make our way to the old Royal Palace complex, through the Franz Ferdinand gates (oh wait - it was just the Ferdinand Gates) - where you could get spectactular views of the city and the river. We attempted to go to a musuem but it was shut between 11am and 1pm because of "technical difficulties".

We walk through the Royal Palace complex - with grand old buildings complete with big f$$$ off horse statues - very kodak moment-y.

We avoid the funicular ride down the hill (our mortal enemies - funiculars from Valpariso - that b$$$h owes Ant $1AUD.... we will never forget!). The Budapest version had a pricier fee (something like $7AUD - which is a lot of money over here) - so we steered well clear.

We make our way over to the Matthais Church where Ant gets terrorised by a tout who said to us "No - I`m not a terrorist!" (as you do in common conversation with people). The guy was also "interested in Ant`s sneakers" - maybe this guy is a potential shoe bomber or something...?

We forked out a 650F entrance fee (a bit under $5AUD or something) and the Church was well worth it... It was covered by painted murals inside (rather than being completely decked out by stain-glass windows) and seemed to be very islamic influnced (its the east meets west thing happening again). There was an interesting museum there too - where the church seemed to have a passion for all things "bling". Westside ganstas...

We avoid the terrorist tout outside - and make our way to the Fisherman`s Bastion. It is a beautiful fortification wall that surrounds the area - and is a kodak-moment place to take pictures of the opposite side of the Danbue. You had to pay some extorniate amount to get in - but we could take pictures from around the side of it.

Next door to the church was the Paris Hilton Hotel - which didn`t look so sexy in its surroundings. Most of the big hotel chains seem to have bought out old communist hotels in Eastern European - and their architecture seems to be a bit "Belconnen Mall-y" / "Woden Space Ship Offices"-y to put it politely. (Or I could just say butt-ugly).

We make our way down the hill back to the Danbue - where we both pick up some cheap bread things and sandwiches from the metro station for lunch.

Because I had such a crap night sleep on the so called "sleeper" train - I decide to crash at the guesthouse and get some afternoon shuteye. Ant meanwhile goes and does a bit of an explore of Budapest - including buying some socks (the sleazy guy at the hotel said that he was trying to buy some "cocks").

When I awaken from my coma - I do some blogging and notice how bad some of my spelling mistakes are... I don`t really spell check any of this (Bloggers spell checking function takes 40 years to work) - nor do I re-read any of this (I`m on holidays dammit). When Ant arrives back at the guesthouse - he goes and has a nap. Meanwhile - I watch a bit of Hungarian "Who Wants to Be A Millionarre" - where I manage to correctly answer a question (in Hungarian) about Sigmond Freud correctly. I wouldn`t have know the answer - but visiting a few Czech museums - I`ve worked out that he was a Czech... The Hungarian guy on the show didn`t know - and lost all of his money...

We get some restaurant advice from the not-so-sleazy new reception guy and head out to a "Lesbian-Tilleys" style restaurant called Cafe Eclectica. I had a really delicious hungarian "Giant Veal Schnitzel" (that is what it was called on the Menu - or as South Park would call it - dead baby cows) with tasty potato bits and a tomato salad (which was just tomatos). Ant went for a Goulash Soup for entre and a strange goats cheese Hungarian pasta dish for main. Although the place is an "expensive" restaurant for Hungarians - the prices were equivalent to a cheap-reasonable place in Australia (eg:$30 a head) - but for $30AUD a head - we got two beers and a crap load of food.

The rest of the night is going to be censored... Let`s just say that we went out to a club and had a good time or something... Mwwwhahahahahaha

Japan to Eastern Europe Part 15 - Day 13 - Auschwitz and Birkenau

We both had an early start today as you can probably guess - we were both planning on going to Auschwitz today. Also - being our last day in Krakow - we had to pack our bags as well.

Breakfast was another early/Continental affair (which was OK). When we were leaving our bags at reception - the crazy French couple (whom the woman was having "toaster with fork" fun yesterday) - were asking reception to call for a taxi to get to Auschwitz - which might set them back a couple of hundred dollars for a return trip as it is about a 3 hour return trip by car... Those crazy french people.

Instead of a expensive taxi ride - we caught a 7zl bus ride from Krakow station. Instead of the anarchy from yesterday (eg: Easter Monday and no transport to Auschwitz) - there was hardly anyone on our bus.

The scenary to Oswiecim (the town where we were going) was pretty much decidedly bleak - flat and wet - the nazi`s couldn` have picked a more depressing place to stage a genocide...

OK - I`m not going to make any bad dodgy holocaust jokes on this blog - we don`t want a fundamentalist flagging this as inappropriate on blogger or something...

The Auschwitz Museum is basically the old Auschwitz concentration camp turned into a museum/memorial to the goings-on there. Much of it has survived since the war (the Nazis only destroyed bits of it when the war was over - in an attempt to cover up the goings-on there). Probably because the Museum doesn`t want to make money over the death of 1-2 million of people - it was free entry.

We saw a 15 min movie in Engrish (complete with dodgy eastern European Vincent Price-esque voice over) about what happened there - and if the film went for any longer than 15 mins - I probably would have walked out as it was getting pretty sick.

The camp itself (like the landscape) was fairly bleak - there was about 30 or so prison blocks - most of which houses exhibits about the war or the (what Ant called) "the World Expo" of Halocaust exhibits. There were exhibits on life of camp prisioners, forms of punishment and excution the Nazis committed, forms of resistance prisoners used against the Nazis (including getting the word outside of the camp about what was going on) and what the Nazis stole from the Jews to make a profit off their murders (including taking murdered women`s hair and gold teeth - which was distrubing to say the least). All around the museum were pictures of prisoners that the nazis took of the prisioners as they entered the camp. It was very sobering - especially when some people didn`t last a week in the camp. Also distrubing was the number of Jews and others being brought to the camp. As the number was getting too high - the Nazis stopped taking people`s photos. You can also visit places where the nazis executed prisioners (including gallows, shooting areas and the cremotorium (where a counterless number of murdered people`s bodies were cremated).

Bits of the "World Expo" were quite impressive - I liked the Dutch one (which had stories of various Dutch-jewish families and their fates - including Anne Frank) and Ant liked the French one - which was quite dark and moody - but it put a bit of explanation about the French Resistance against the Nazis in France. The Italian one was a bit bizzare (just some art installation which was a bit sucky) - which is a bit strange considering the Italians were with the bad guys in the War. Also strange was the Austrian one - which had a big sign out the front from the current government saying "the current exhibit is too one sided... It potrays Austria being the first "victim" of the nazis and sort of ignores the fact that a lot of Austrian Nationalists played a (bad) part in the halocaust" - so they are planning to tear it down and make a new one. The Polish exhibit felt very old school - if a little bit communistic/propaganda-y - although it looks like they are making attempts at fixing it up a bit. There was even an exhibit on the genocide of Roma people (aka Gypsies) - of scary note was the guestbook where someone had written "there needs to be more people like Hitler today"... mmm..kay????

Walking outside the Roma exhibit - we bumped into those annoying Americans from the Salt Mine bus... I wave them a quick "hi" but Ant runs the hell away from them...

We have lunch at the Museum`s cafateria (after attempting to eat at two nearby pizzerias but being denied because all of their empty tables were reserved). LP describes the cafateria as being "sufficient for a quick lunch" - which isn`t exactly a ringing endorsement of the place is it? I had ordered "Beef Roast with Mashed Potatoes and Salad" (salad being shredded cabbage - yummo) - whereas Ant had ordered the better option of a simple bean soup. It definately felt like "University College" style cafeteria food - to put it politely.

After a late lunch (it was getting on in the day) - we decide to make the trip to Birkenau - another Nazi camp about 3kms away. We miss the 3 o`clock shuttle and decide to walk it instead (as it only involved one left turn a couple of kms away or something). The walk wasn`t too bad and it didn`t really feel like 3kms. We tried to pick up the pace a bit because we had noticed that the Americans from the salt mines had the same idea and were following us. (Run ant run!).

Birkeanau was a lot more shocking than Auschwitz for two reasons - its size (which was mammoth compared to Auschwitz) and because this is the site where the mass exterminations of Jews happened (eg: where the gas chambers are). The layout of Birkeanau is "very German" - ordered and (I hate to say it) "efficient". All of the prison huts are layed out in a symetrical fashion - and all of the Jews here were brought by train (the tracks go right to the centre of the camp) and were then selected for extermination - those that looked capable of any hard labour - where sparred of the gas chambers (but probably died of the conditions and labour anyway)... everyone else was taken to the gas chambers. Everyone was told by the nazis that this is a "shower facility" and were told to strip - they are all led into one of several gas chamber facilities on the site and are executed. Then they were cremated and their remains were thrown into several pits.

This place was extremly depressing and somewhat scary (as you look at old pictures of all of the Jews and you can recognise the location and the buildings in the shots). Not much of the camp has survived since the war - as the nazis tried to destroy the evidence of the gas chambers and their crime. Although they attempted to do this - you can still see the remains of the gas chambers and the muddy pits with 1000s of murdered people`s remains (which was fairly sobering to say the least).

The old showering / bathing facility is still intact - and it housed a museum about how the Jews were showered and dressed into prision uniforms (which like everything here was shocking).

Auschwitz and Birkenau (in particular) are highly recommended. It isn`t exactly feel-good holiday material but it is definately an experience to have. It was sort of amazing (from a tourist perceptive) that Birkenau was almost devoid of tourists - whereas Auschwitz was quite mosh-pitty with tourists in stages. I think that if you go on an organised tour - you might only visit the front gates of Birkenau (as I didn`t see any organised tours walking around the camp). Despite Ant thinking that we would bowl over the two in about 3 and a bit hours (as described to in a organised tour brochure) - we spent all day here.

We missed the free shuttle back to Auschwitz (story of our lives) - so we had to walk back. Luckily there were no Americans - and the rain was beginning to ease up (you couldn`t ask for any more depressing weather than today).

We arrived about 10 or 15 mins early for the 5:05 bus to Krakow and it was a good thing we did. Although the bus going to Oswiecim was empty - this one was completely packed - not only by tourists but by locals as well who were going home to Krakow. There were people standing up the whole way back to Krakow (in true China-train trip to Nanjing style).

On arrival back at Krakow station (ohh how I`m getting sick of this damn station) - the nearby Galleria was open for business... Finally - Poland is beginning to feel like a real country with shops that are actually open! We wander around for a bit - where I give Ant a real big shock by not walking into the H&M there... and we settle on some Italian restaurant in the mall for dinner. Ant orders the free world`s biggest Small size pizza (my gawd that place had big pizzas - I`m surprised that not all Poles are complete blimps considering the food portion sizes) and I had some "Carb-o-rific Pasta Carbonara with added fat"... which was tasty... and hell - we walked about 58kms today - so I deserved it.

Ant buys some Doc Martins (I`m still in shock about this one) from some shop in the mall. If I hadn`t mentioned it before on the blog - we were staying near some Doc Martin shop with a picture of the Pope (dead Jan Pawel - not the current nazi pope) in the front window. There is something that doesn`t mix - the Pope and Doc Martins... I`m sure if they both touched each other - it would bring about the catacylsmic end to the universe or something.

I had bought a couple of cheap top-40 Polish CDs (well Polish versions of current western top 40 cd`s) to waste my zolloti currency (or whatever you call it) - although I`ve still got a bit of a apocalyptic stock-pile of it - so I probably need to change it in Hungry.

We make walking tracks back to the hostel - and my feet are bloody hurting because of all of Ant`s forced nazi marches that we are doing. We grab our bags and catch a 12zl taxi ride to the train station (god I hate this place) and catch the 10:30pm sleeper train to Budapest.

Ant starts to act like a kid in a candy store at this stage - it has been his dream or something to catch a sleeper train in Europe - and what better place to do it than from Krakow to Budapest (complete with two night border crossings!).

We had splurged out and booked a first class sleeper carriage. It was our own compartment with two bunk beds, a fold down sink thingy and a wardrobe thingy. You also get the added bonus of "linen" in a sleeper. There was also some complementary bottles of "gas" water (what is it with Europeans and making all bottled water into the soda water varient??) and a couple of packet crossiants with chocolate.

Ant is creaming his jeans at this stage - but I was feeling tired and decided to try and get some sleep.

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 14 - Day 12 - Easter Monday in Kraków...

Ant and I were both woken up by those bast@rd Italian backpackers in the room next to us at the crack of dawn. Damn the Lemon Hostel and its paper thin walls... They should rename it Paper-thin wall Hostel which would be more accurate. Also - the Italian backpackers left a bit of a present in the bathroom - one of them seemed to be malting and shedded heaps of hair around the shared bathroom... sweet.

I wake up, shower and blog (I'm catching up with two posts per day in Kraków!). The breakfast today at the hostel was a bit limiting - there was only bread and cheese today. I had poured a cup of coffee - but it was stone cold. Out of nowhere - the hostel woman appeared with bags of shopping booty. She too was finding it hard to find shops open in Kraków over Easter. There was also some crazy French woman who loved to jam her metal fork into the toaster whilst it was plugged in... Those crazy french with their whacky sense of slapstick humour!

We head out to the bus station - on a quest to catch a bus to Oswiecim (or Auschwitz) only to be thrwated by the Easter Monday bus schedule. We had arrived about 9:30am ish only to realise from the evil Polish woman at the counter that the next bus was scheduled to depart at 11am.... Not really wanting to hang around that long - we headed over to the nearby train station - only to discover that the next train to Oswiecim was scheduled to leave at 11:08am. We didn't really want to leave that late (because Oswiecim is about 1 and a half hours away from Kraków) - so this really wasn't going to give us that much time at Auschwitz.

We head back to the bus station and the big bus departures board seems to say that the next bus to Oswiecim was leaving platform D5 at 10:20am. We head downstairs to D5 where there are fellow tourists waiting for the bus to Oswiecim. Ant overhears one of them saying that they have been waiting since 8 for a bus.

10:20am comes and goes and no bus arrives. The electronic display changes to another bus - and Ant and I make a b-line for the train station again - knowing that either the Bus Schedule hasn't updated itself for Easter Monday - or it says in Polish that the bus isn't running.

We make the decision to not mess around with the bus and buy two train tickets on the alledged 11:08 train to Oswiecim (which costed 44 krown). However upon closer inspection to the train timetable - Ant discovered that the 11:08 wasn't running on Easter Monday and that the next train was going to leave at 2pm - which wouldn't give us any time to see Auschwitz. In a bit of an agro mood - we walked back to the evil train ticket woman - demanded our money back. We had a bit of trouble trying to convince her that the 11:08 was running (it appeared that she couldn't properly read the train timetable) and she forked out a refund - but only returned 38 krown of our money... What a mecha-bi""h from hell... Sterotypical eastern european service...

We race back to the bus station (for the eightieth time today) and the actual 11 o clock to Oswiecim had about 200 people queing for the one bus. To think that on a touristy day - the bus company (and the trains too) think it is a good idea to cancel most of the services to Auschwitz - one of the biggest tourist sites in Poland on one of the biggest tourist dates of the year is a good idea??... Crazy crazy poles...

We blow off the whole Auschwitz for today idea and hop on a bus (pretty much straight away) to Wieliczka - home of the Wieliczka Salt Mines (another UNCESO World Heritage site). The bus was only 2zl each (total bargin) and Ant and I managed to befriend an elderly american couple. On the way to Wieliczka - the american man asks me "is there graffiti in Australia?" - and I reply "yes - there is graffiti everywhere I think". A couple of minutes later - I see the first example of anti-Semitic graffiti I've ever seen (a star of david crossed out). I reply back to the American - "I don't think Australia has this sort of graffiti!". The graffiti is only fueling fire to my idea that the neonazi population in Poland is high.

After 15 mins we are all dumped on the side of the highway at what we think is Wieliczka village. After getting our bearings - we head in the direction of the Salt Mines... those pesky americans (whose welcoming was wearing thin) decided to tag along.

Ant educates me along the way to the mines that we have been to a tonne of UNESCO Heritage sites (not just the 3 places I have quoted in the past on this blog)... so I will bite my tongue in the future in regards to UNESCO sites...

When visiting the salt mines - you have to go on a guided tour (must be something to do with public liability or something). They offered both Polish guided tours (at 45zl) or foreign language tours (at 65zl). Ant came up with the idea of buying a Guide Book for 9zl and taking the Polish tour - thus saving 31zl between the two of us - plus the added bonus of getting a keep sake (in terms of the Guide Book). Unfortunately - the elderly american couple decide to do the same thing (they are soooo clingy).

The Salt Mine is full of pits and chambers and (not surprising for Poland) churches and cathedrals - all underground and carved out of the salt. You start the tour by climbing down 52 flights of stairs (wooden ones at that - I was thinking "fire trap") - and the polish guide (complete with cheesy miners outfit and hat) takes you around the numerous underground sites. There was plenty of Disney-esque animatronic lights and music shows (including a seven dwarf song and dance) which was incredibly tacky and tasteless.

There was an annoying Polish man in a beige suit who became my new nemesis for the holiday. He would be forever getting happy snaps of his (much younger) wife and child - thus holding up the tour and generally pis"ing me off. AgggggghhH!

The tour finishes off at an underground salt gift shop and cafeteria (where else?)... and Ant and I finally managed to ditch that annoying american couple (who had lunch) - whereas we went on the second tour to the Underground salt museum. This time - the tour was in Engrish - and the guide was quite good - albeit tiny (four foot nothing) and she kept mentioning to mind our heads on the short ceilings. If you think Ant and I are pretty tall - there was some European giant on our tour - probably clocking up 7 and a half feet or something - you had to feel sorry for him.

The tour ended with an Indiana Jones style elevator ride to the top. They crammed 8 people into a small cage and it flung you to the surface in the matter of seconds. Quite fun - if a bit communist scary...

We wandered around the town of Wiliczka - trying to find something to eat - but in true Polish tradition - everything was closed... We headed on the free world's smallest train (one carriage) where we encountered the free world's scarriest woman... a freakish midget (with highly flammable blue 1982 east german tracksuit and a bigger moustache than I could grow) who kept shouting at us in polish and to the conductor. After about two minutes of her scary sh++ - we move seats closer to the conductor and to a group of western tourists. She was probably our for Ant's affections - as the scary woman made her advances by moving closer to us and siting in the seat in front of us. The western tourists mention to Ant that his "girlfriend" must have a thing for him. She continues to do a Linda Blair at the conductor and everyone on the train... Who ever says that our holidays are boring?!

Back at the train station (we are sooo sick of this place) - we grab a cheap gyro for lunch and head back to the hostel for a bit more blogging and napping action.

I wake Sleeping Beauty (aka Ant) at 7ish and we head out to Old Town for some "Mexican" dinner. We got a couple of the free world's smallest margaritas and some "lost in translation" enchilladas and burritos - complete with shredded cabbage and beetroot. Although we were thinking about tempting fate twice by going back out to a bar or something - I feel too tired and we head back to the hostel for some shuteye.

On a foot note - this is Nick n Ants Holiday Diaries 100th post... What 100 (INSERT "fun" or "horror") filled posts they have been. It's been good blogging our holidays... otherwise I would probably forget what we actually did two seconds after the fact. Plus we are saving the planet by not producing multiple postcards and sending them on jets across the world (just sending us on jets across the world). Also there is something quite voyeouristic about posting your life on the internet for complete strangers to read - it is like being on big brother without being famous (wait - that is just like big brother)... Anyhows - cheers to another 100 posts in the future - complete with dodgy spelling and engrish (until my parent's frequent flyer scheme runs dry or the blogger site explodes)... and jeers to Valparaiso in Chilé - oh gawd how we hate everything about you...

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 13 - Day 11 - Easter Sunday in Jan Pawel land (aka Kraków... or is that cracow?)

After having that crappy night sleep the night before no thanks to those Italian backpackers - I wake up early and decide to make use of the free internet at the Lemon Hostel. I'm slowing catching up to where we are at with this holiday on the blog (considering we were without internet for all of Nippon).

Breakfast at the Lemon Hostel was a bit of a "Continental" - bread, cheese, strange nutella stuff and some crazy chocolately coco puff things that Ant adores.

Being Easter Sunday, and being in Poland (home of Jan Pawela II aka John Paul 2 the Pope - Pope Harder) - most things were shut - and Auschwitz (probably the main reason we were in Krakow) was shut on only two days of the year - Easter Sunday being one of them of course. Things weren't looking Milhouse.

Deciding that we will do Auschwitz the next day - we head out to the old town part of Kraków (I can write it properly with this Hungarian keyboard). The old town sqaure of Kraków felt decidedly like the old town square of Prague - only with decent types of market stalls (as opposed to Prague - which was just selling crappy tacky sh++). Ant bought waffles - whilst I bought a Jan Pawel II postcard (one where he looked decidedly old, frail and kind of dead looking) to send back to work. I'm a boss to a Pole (no - not the type you dance around but a polish guy) - so he might kept some cheap kicks out of it or something.

Being Easter Sunday - we decided to check out some of the old cathedrals around town - whilst they were being put to use by the locals. Everything was gorgeous and ye-oldé gothic looking and it was admitedly cool to see all the locals singing and the preacher sounding a bit "Mars Attacks!" in his sermon. Plus we saw a few nuns - so Ant got his "Sister Act/Nuns on the Run/Sound of Music" fix.

There was some odd Russian killing massacre display on show (apparently - the Russians killed heaps of Polish troops after the second world war and tried to blame it on the Nazis as you do) - which I couldn't make a lot of sense out of but Ant (being the Hitler/WW 2 nut) got some kicks out of.

We walked up to Wawel Hill which according to LP is Kraków's biggest drawcard for tourist. There is a big f%%k off castle and a huge cathedral (imagitively titled "Wawel Cathedral") - which, like all churches in town today, was being used for mass (or something). Although everything was officially closed on Easter Sunday - the Cathedral was "sort of open" for mass - but we just wandered in anyway for the hell of it (blasphemy). There was some hot alter boys (who were very legal of age) and I made use of the free WC's facilities in the castle. That is my number one hate of Europe - paying to use dodgy arse toilets that are feral... I remeber one in a Paris bus station - which I managed to do a "helicopter" no 2 maneuver all over the wall... I got my 1 euros worth out of that one...

We slowly wander back into the city and take plenty of kodak moments (I bags not sorting through these photos when we get back - but if I don't - Ant santisises me out of them for his parent's consumption)... We have lunch at a euro kebab / gyro place - but this time it was spicy and had some Polish cabbage in the mix (which admittedly was pretty tasty).

After lunch - Ant tries to locate a museum - but everything (apart from churches and a few restaurants) is closed. These Poles are very religious - most churches are still going well into the afternoon with non-stop Easter Mass or something. I'm sure if a non-food business was open today - someone would throw a brick into the front window.

We head back to the Hostel to blog a bit and book some Budapest accommodation - this time - Ant books us into a "clothes optional" gay guesthouse... looking forward to that one... cough!

We stumble on a Communist Kraków City tour - where you get driven in a "genuine Polish Fiat 125" around the Nowa Huta area of Kraków (eg: big ugly communist buildings). Ant does a bit of investigating on the web and finds out that we can take a tram over to Nova Huta ourselves and experience it without the need to book a $100AUD tour.

We hit the Tram No. 4 and make our way out to Nowa Huta suburb. It seems to be a recurring theme in these Eastern European cities - trams and plenty of them... Nowa Huta feels a hell of a lot different than touristy Old Town Kraków - it is a bit of a communist concrete nightmare - think the Public Housing around Northbourne Avenue in Canberra - and you can pretty much imagine what Nowa Huta is like. Just need to add a few skinheads - and you are pretty much there. Ant mentioned that at least the communists were trying to do something right (eg: give someone a decent apartment to live in) but architecturally - it is just so grungy and brutal. There was even a (dare I say) funky 1970's church - think the circular Canberra Grammar chapel on concrete steroids - and you are probably pretty close in imagining what this place looks like.

It was getting dark (and a tad bit scary with all the skinheads around) - so we picked up the pace and caught a number four tram back to the Old Town. I'm not sure what the deal is in Poland - everyone male under the age of 30 seem to have a number 1 crew cut - neo nazi style... Maybe the Nazis haven't completely left Poland after the war?

I grab Ant and we get off a few stops early at the only 24 hour convenience store open today. We pick up on some supplies (thank gawd for supplies on Easter Sunday in Kraków). The place is a total goldmine - it was wall to wall customers. Forget your pyramid schemes - if you want to make lotsa money - set up a store in Kraków and do Easter trading...

We dump our booties at the hostel and try to get some recommendations on restaurants from LP. One of the recommended restaurants was full - and another one was shut down (I'm blaming LP for that) - and we were starting to get a bit desperate - not wanting everything to shut on Easter Sunday night. We both settle upon a Georgian restaurant (probably not the most common of cuisines). I had a Georgian fried chicken and steak and (you gotta love it) a bad polish cabbage salad. Polish salads are pretty much shredded cabbage or shredded beetroot - very exotic.

Ant wanted to try out a local gay disco called "Kitsch" - thinking that a Gay bar must be open on Easter Sunday in Kraków! We arrive at Kitsch only to find that it has moved to some other place called "Plastic" over the Easter weekend. Plastic happened to be situated in a dark and dingy industrial area (think Hume in Canberra - only more dark) and there was not a soul there when we arrived (apart from one barman). I take a few happy snaps of me dancing on the podium (will be my new myspace profile pic when I get back to Australia) and head to "Club 7" - another gay pub on the other side of town.

Club 7 was an underground bar where you had to buzz in to get in. When the doorbit!h opened to door - he said "what do you want?" - Ant replied "...can we come in...?" (in a very Oliver Twist style) and the doorbit!h relented and let us in. Club 7 was a very depressing bar - with everyone over the age of 48 and bad Tina Turner "Simply the Best" music being played. Ant and I only had one beer each before heading to the "lair" section - where I took another couple of candidate myspace profile pics on a pole (the non polish kind).

Ant convinces me to head back to Plastic on the off-chance that it was a happening place. A thirty minute walk to Plastic later and we discover that the nightclub had grown to a population of 6 people (including the bartender). I do a bit of bad table top dancing - but it ended up being "When Table Top Dancing Goes Wrong" - when I hit my shoulder on the ceiling (which bloody hurt).

We both head back to the hostel (another 30 min walk) feeling sorry for ourselves.... Kraków was not a happening place on Easter Sunday.

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe - Part 12 - Day 10 - Prague to Krakow, Poland...

We were awaken by some stewpid brits ringing the wrong intercom number at 7am in the morning... I tell them "politely" to pi!! off...!

We have our usual casual breakfast at the apartment and, as per clockwork, Sky News are still harping on about the freed UK Soliders in Iran (talk about over analysis to the extreme..!).

Ant and I quickly pack up our stuff and leave the gucci apartment for the last time. It was a really nice apartment but it was a little less functional than the original apartment. The kitchen was a lot less usable (no dishwasher, or oven, or bottleopener) and there was no bide in the toilet (no!) but the bed was heaps better.

We make tracks (walking) to the main train station to drop our bags. Prague's train station was an odd mix of old school europe architecture and old school 1970's grungy communist architecture. It was like if they had plonked the Belconnen Mall smack bang in the middle of some grand old europe railway station. It also had the added bonus of smelling like pi++! plus some grungy looking people to go with it.

We dump our bags in the grungy baggage lockers - Ant was a bit worried that someone would try and break in. Perhaps next time - we just leave our bags at the apartment instead?? At least the apartment didn't smell like pi%%!

We walk back into the main shopping district in town and check out the H&M "formal edition" store. I buy a top and some jeans but Ant chucks a me from yesterday and splurges.

Our train was about 1pm-ish so we had a little time to kill - so we finally checked out the Museum of Communism. The museum itself is smack bang in the middle of a McDonalds, a casino (which suspiciously looked like the Canberra Casino... because it is owned by the same people Ant informs me as I'm typing) and a United Colours of Beneton across the street. How ironic or something. It was 180 a krown admission fee and it was a "privately owned museum" affair. If anyone has had the unpleasant fortune of visiting the Checkpoint Charlie muesum in Berlin - you would probably know that privately operated museums aren't usually as of a high standard as state owned museums are... The Museum of Communism, although a lot better than the Checkpoint Charlie museum, was a little clapped out and undercooked. It was more of a collection of communist junk in a claustrophic grungy room than a proper museum. Although it did have some interesting pictures of the building of the Stalin statue in Prague (and its subsequent destruction - a la Kate Carnell demolition style baby). Of bizzare note - Ant doesn't buy any of the communist posters on sale at the museum... shock!

We had lunch at a nearby pizzeria which was reasonably priced. Although in true Eastern European style - my pasta came out about 20 mins after Ant's pizza... gotta love Eastern European service.

Heading back to the station - some locals were giving us a bit of a memorable send off. Some hobo was urinating in the middle of a park outside the station - and there was no sign of any shrubbery or tree anywhere near where he was pi%%ing... Also there was some crazy woman dancing near a gyro take out place - and there wasn't any music being played anywhere... Ohh Prague - the memories.

I use all of my left over krown to buy some supplies from a local "7-11" store where bags cost extra and smiles were non-existant.

Our train trip to Krakow was pretty non-eventful. We were in a little 6 person cabin - where some crazy czech woman (with no ticket) was sitting in Ant's seat. We think she was a fifty year old pro who will probably be half deaf listening to her retro CD player with bad 80's czech music at full blast. She also flashed her legs at the conductor when she didn't have her ticket. She got off at the next stop.

Plus it was my first passport control where I was listening to my Ipod and wearing sunglasses at the same time.

We had a couple of beers at the dining cart which was fairly retro whilst having retro prices.

We arrive at Krakow about 9:45pm-ish and the station seemed pretty seedy (what is it about train stations and the levels of seediness?). There were some drunks and louts getting arrested by the local SS stormtroopers... I mean police (although they had the whole skin head SS look down pat).

It was a bit of a marathon 20 min walk to the Lemon Hostel (which was on the other side of the Town Square from the railway station)... My bag isn't really all that conducive to long hikes (it sags and there is no waist support, or spinal support). On the way - we noticed that there was a bit of a theme with Krakow Hostel names - there was the Orange Hostel and the Blue Hostel (which was living up to its name because it was upstairs from a strip joint). Krakow was looking like a more spread out version of Prague - beautiful old buildings and cobblestone roads - just a less dense version of Prague.

We check into our double room at the hostel with no problems... although at 1am we were rudely awakened by some Italians who came home and made a loud racket. Ant got up and started to give them a taste of a "shushing fit" which seemed to do the job well.

Japan to Australia via Eastern Europe Part 11 - Daz 9 - Prague Continued (damn these hungarian kezboards)...

I wake up early (story of this holiday) and wake up Ant in the process.... I catch up with a bit of Sky News (UK) and CNN but it is all the same crap from last night - more obssessing over the returned UK soilders from Iran. I switch it over to Eurotic TV and they give another prime example of music not to strip to - Roxette...

Deciding to get out of Prague's old city - Ant and I venture off to the Art Museum on the other side of the river... (Northside-iea)

It was a cold and windy day and Ant and I must have had rocks for brains to want to walk in this hideious weather... On the other side of the river lies the "Metronome" - a really terrible public statue/moneument thingy that replaced a giant statue of Stalin back in the days of communism. Apparently - the Prague people love the Metronome statue just as much as they loved Stalin (eg: not very much).

Beyond the Metronome - there was a run down communist style park. It had sort of felt like a post apocalyptic world which was overrun by skatingboarding punks... as you do... Plus the park had all of these signs pointing to some stewpid Expo 58 exhibition.

Being the suckers for punishment that Ant and I are - we had taken DK (or Don't Know) with us to find the Art Muesum - and in true DK style - we had big trouble finding it... After stumbling around the post apocalyptic world that is Northside-eia Prague - we managed to find it... and in keeping up with the post apocalyptic style of the place - it had looked like a bomb had hit the lobby of the place... Plus there was a sign saying that the national gallery hadn't raised enough money to make this place free (which isn't surprisng considering how crap the national gallery was in the Prague Castle). The museum was built in the 1920's - but it was in a functionalism style (think Belconnen Mall) so maybe you could say it was ahead of its time...

The museum itself was massive... Four floors of non-stop art, design, architecture... even theatre props, costumes and sets...! There was plenty of contempory art (including Warhol and heaps of interesting Czech stuff), a whole floor of Czech stuff (which was surprisingly good) and a floor of 19th Century French and Spanish, etc art. Of course - there was some really annoying americans who were as loud as all f!!k - which seems to be a recurring theme of this holiday.

The museum was truly a marathon - Ant and I were both physically and mentally exhausted... We decided to have lunch straight away - and found a cheap wood-fired pizzeria nearby.

Walking back into Prague - Ant and I both had come to the conclusion that the north side of Prague (across the river) was a lot "communistic" grungier than the old town/castle side of Prague...

The afternoon was shopping time - I had been waiting all year before I could go mental at H&M... I had to weave my way past the hoardes of shoppers fighting their way past the new Madonna-designed H&M collection (..... cough) and went mental and bought heaps of new H&M clothes.

There was a bit of a Hari Krishna /crazy Jesus shouting Czech woman dance off happening in the main shopping strip of Prague happening... which made things interesting!... (as you do)...

Ant buys a t-shirt at the Diesel Outlet shop (where some Czech old guy who really needs to act his age - was buying some Diesel stuff as well) and we get our pictures burnt onto a CD at a photo shop. I buy a drink at a nearby Albert stewpidmarket - where they were playing some more depressing music which really isn't retail friendly (Smashing Pumpkins doesn't make me want to buy more groceries)... I would love for them to start playing Nine Inch Nails or Joy Division music at Albert... or something.

We do something different for dinner and get some "Goulash Soup in Bread Roll" at the old town sqaure. It was very atmospheric and beautiful - very much like Fanatsy Land at Disneyworld at night time... or something. Complete with nazi stormtrooper security guards who would look home on the set of "Romper Stomper". The "Crazy Jesus Woman" was doing a bit of an encore at the old square - where she would be shouting "something something Jesus" in Czech at unsuspecting tourists dining at candlelight restaurants.

We head back to the apartment where we catch up with some German MTV. The new MTV show of choice at the moment is a reality-romance show called "The Flava of Love" staring Flava Flav from Public Enemy fame - with a bunch of wannabe losers vying for Flava Flav's luv. The highlight was a "Fried Southern Chicken" cook-off including one of the contestants cooking a "healthy" fried chicken alternative in a microwave - complete with tofu... Not Col. Sanders friendly... Mmmm... chicken in microwave with tofu... cough