Nick less Ant does Europe and Asia via J-Burg Part 2

I've arrived in Johannesburg - at about 1am Sydney time... and I had left Sydney about 10:30am and I think I must have had about 2 hours sleep on the flight - and I've got another 3 hours to kill at the diviest airport this side of the southern hemisphere....

At the Sydney Qantas Club - I gave Ant a few calls and he was telling me that I should demand to speak to the manager as the woman at the Qantas Club wouldn't give me an exit row. I had tried a couple of times but she gave me some fob-off story that only the people at the gate control the exit rows (which Ant knows it isn't the case).

Anyway - my flight was delayed by about an hour - but I guess it wasn't such a big deal as I was originally supposed to have 5 hours to kill at J-Brug.

Perhaps my Qantas Club membership was finally paying off - as I got my seat allocation (front of plane / aisle) - there was an empty seat next to me and a South African Harry Potter look a like (with the looks of Harry Potter and the charms of a South African... cough) - and the spunkiest ever Jebus freak I've ever seen in my life (although towards the end of the flight he was scanning passages of the bible against some God book as you do).

Our on-demand flight entertainment system seemed to be not so "on-demand" for most of the flight... The head steward had to shut down the system a couple of times during the flight (which meant people lost control over the lighting and the call button)... I saw a couple of "mmmeh" movies (1408 and Invasion) and watched the whole special of "the 25 greatest swimsuit moments". I would have thought ever the James Bond Dr No chick or the new James Bond Daniel Craig money shot scene would have been number 1 but they didn't even make the list. Some 80s movie with the chick from Gremlins won - where she gets out of a pool - flashes someone and then catches them whacking off in the bathroom...

Harry Potter got a bit chatty at the end of the flight... He liked to talk about "how the wings expand and crack during the flight" and "the recent Qantas incident with the water shorting out the flight computers". Great conversation when you are about to land...

It's raining at J-Burg and the international transfers seems to be a bit of an afterthought. You walk into this small room (where you think you are going to get mugged) and go through the biggest rock show that is J-Burg security screening. A bunch of anarchists could do a bit job organising airport security. I managed to get through with me liquids still inside my main carry-on bag. When you walk out of security - there is this dodgy 70s lift (where you think you are going to get mugged again). I braved the apocolyptic lift and went up to the main departure area - which is grungy 70s style...

I found my way to the basement British Airways lounge - where I tried to ask for an exit row. The response I got from the woman (who was ruder than the bitch at the Qantas Club) was "the flight is completely full" and "I don't control the exit rows@!"... despite me pleading that I've been travelling to Sydney...

The British Airways lounge is like a bizzare themed lounge - all of it really tacky (sort of reminiscent of that dodgy Mexican restaurant - Montezumas). They have a whole three computers (I'm hogging one right now) and the crappiest selection of lounge food in this hemisphere. They also have cans of Tab in the fridge - which is retro in a good way... Perhaps I might help myself to a can...