Homeward Bound 5 - Assignment Miami Beach

I get into the Qantas Club and hoard a computer terminal for the entire 4 or so hours I am there for. After a pretty dismal effort to begin with - I blog and finish Italy. I really haven't been accessing any computers until the last couple of days in Venice - and having the free internet at the Evergreen Hotel - defintely helps heaps in terms of ability to keep this blog up-to-date.

The flight back to Australia was OK and I got a bit of sleep with my exit row seat with no seats in front of it (although it was near the toilet). There was this kinda freakish guy sitting next to me. He was a 6"7' junior volleyball player (with the AIS) - complete with a lack of people skills. For the first half hour of the flight - he was drawing pictures on his arm with a magic marker (defintely serial killer material).

I watched a really interesting doco on the "Most Hated Family in the States". It had Louis Theroux in it (the one time sidekick of Michael Moore - back in the "Awful Truth" show) and he was spending a couple of months with the family who are behind the "God Hates Fags"/"God Hates America"/"God Hates Sweeden" extreme right wing religious group. These guys believe that America is going to hell because of tolerance to gays and they picket funerals of dead soliders from Iraq. They have also picketed a local vaccum cleaner shop because they were selling sweedish vaccum cleaners (and there was a court case in Sweeden where two homophobes were jailed for discrimination against gays)... How about picketing Ikea instead? Anyhows - it was part hilarious and part distrubing... and is well recommended.

I also started watching "The Jammed" - a David and Margaret recommended feel good movie about the sex slave industry in Melbourne - but I had ran out of time (with what all my sleeping on the flight). I'll probably rent it when I get back home or something.

I had the whole diet-meals on the flight again - but I not only had steak for dinner - but also for breakfast... A little bit freakish (and I was a touch sad because I couldn't have my Chinese Breakfast!).

I arrived at Brisbane airport at around 9am the next day and had no hassles picking up my bags through customs. This was the first time in a long time that I wasn't quizzed by customs staff whilst waiting for my bags to arrive off the carousel.

I took the train over to the Domestic Terminal and headed through security where I was stopped by the staff who had an unholy obsession about my boot bag. They picked it up and said - "You can't bring roller skates onto a plane - go and check it in at the oversized baggage counter (somewhat ironical as this "oversized bag" could fit in a carry-on baggage locker!)". I was feeling tired and pissy and said back to them "I've been all over the world with this - and this is the first time I've had problems bringing this bag onto the flight". I explained to them it was just some ski boots and they fit in the overhead lockers. The big fat dumb security woman kept calling them rollerskates - but after I wasn't budging - she brought over her supervisor (who looked even more dykish than her). I think the supervisor probably thought the security lady was being a bit of a d##k - so she said - just scan it through again - and then they let me bring my bag through to the terminal. Don't you love patchy Australian airport security service. Where one airport will have problems with umbrellas - and the next one will have problems with "roller-skates"....

I hae a shower at the Qantas club and do a bit of blogging (get up to the second day of Hong Kong). I was feeling really really tired. The three weeks of poor sleep were finally catching up with me and I was fading rather fast. Unfortunately - I had to wait until about 3:30pm for my flight to Canberra (it was supposed to leave around 2:50pm but it was delayed - just like a number of other flights).

I was dozing on and off on the flight to Canberra. My snoring woke me up a couple of times (I occasionally let out a loud pig-like belch which will wake me). Unfortunately - I can't use my "SIDS" technique of lying on my stomach in order to stop me snoring on a flight.

My mum picked me up from the airport (Ant was flying back from Perth today for work and couldn't greet me at the airport). I had texted her saying that I was boarding the flight but she had thought I was coming from Sydney - so she waited about an hour for me to rock up.

On the most part - I've enjoyed my trip to Italy and Hong Kong. Selva (and Val Gardena in general) was really pretty, the price for the accommodation was right (parents paid for it) and although there was plenty of skiing to be had - a bit more of a challenge would have been a welcome change to things. The queues too were a bit on the feral side. Venice was well worth going to - and it was a bit of luck that Carnevale was on when we were there. I think we all got a little bored at Padova but Verona was worth it (even if for just the tacky Juliet balcony). Hongkers was a bit of a shopping detour for me - and I was a bit disappointed in not going to Macau - but hey - I'll probably be back there one day and I'll probably want to stay over at Macau for a change. It was a bit sad for Ant not to come with me - but it was his choice (didn't want to spend heaps of $$ going snowboarding in Europe).

So here endeth the Italy/Hong Kong blog - maybe one day I'll finish off the Japan/Eastern Europe/Singapore blog (hint I buy a PS3 at Singapore)...

Last Day in Hongkers - Attack of the Zombie Sleeping Patterns...

I did it again. I woke up at 3am (after going to sleep at midnight the previous night)... I was feeling rather sh##ful and thought perhaps the best solution would be to read the travel guide to send me to sleep - but alas it didn't work.

I finally managed to get to sleep about 5ish and was woken up at 8:30 when someone knocked on my front door (I hadn't left the Do Not Disturb sign on the front door - there are first times for everything).

It took a little while to pack my stuff. I had bought an extra bag with me so I could bring back two checked bags into Australia with lots of shopping - so this morning was a little bit like a bag explosion. The TV in the hotel was pretty dodgy - there was only about 2 channels - both of which were playing the Super Bowl (Gridiron. Slowest. Game. Ever.) Perhaps they were trying to be conservative with their half-time entertainment choice - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers... Imagine if there was another wardrobe malfunction with Tom Petty... ewww gross.

I head downstairs to the "Worlds. Best. Breakfast" (cough!) - the Evergreen Hotel's breakfast but the room was absolutely chockers. The women attendants marked off my room card (saying that I had had breakfast) - and were going to plonk me on some stranger's table (no free tables). Given the quality of the food here - and the cheapness of food elsewhere - I decide to bail and head outside - find a noodle shop - and have a a Wonton Noodle Soup and tea - which put my faith back into Hong Kong food. I just find it funny though that they always seem to put singles at the most depressing tables (I was situtated behind the cashier facing some boxes). Out of sight - out of mind.

I get back to the hotel and finish my bag explosion packing and take full advantage of the relatively late midday checkout. Before checking out - I quickly check my bank account details on the free internet - wanting to find out whether or not I've paid for the hotel or not. I had used Hotelclub.net to book the room and their website was confusing as all hell as to whether I had paid or not. After about 15 minutes of manic searching - I found out that I have been charged for the room under some dodgy non-related name in my credit card statement...

So I check out - get my $100HK deposit back from them (oohh retro - deposits at hotels) - leave my bags there and head down to the Space Museum (I was getting desperate for activities!) only to find that I was too early for a Monday (they don't open until 1pm). So just to get my shopping out of my system - I go down to Ocean Terminal and buy a couple of DVDs.

Back to the Space Museum - I buy admission (for a cheap $10HK - less than $2AUD peoples) and just to do something really tacky - I buy a $35HK ($5AUD) ticket to their Planetarium show - Exploring the Black Hole. No - it wasn't a dodgy gay porno but a movie about the space black holes.

Since my session didn't start till 2pmish - I checked out the Space Museum first. Now space museums aren't normally my sort of thing. I remember Ant dragging me around the Smithsonian Space Museum in D.C - probably the bee's-knees of space museums - and me getting fairly bored. The HK museum was no different than the Smithsonian (in terms of me getting bored) - it was a fairly tired old museum with a lot of the hands on stuff either broken or non-functional. It was a little busier than the Art Gallery - but most people seemed to think it was all a bit lame. There was a "congo-line of suck hole" exhibit on the Chinese Space Program which was boring. I was a bit pishy because I was too tall to do the moonwalk (not the Michael Jackson variety - but the HK Space Museum "strapped into a harness and pretend to moon walk" variety) and the virtual hang glider simulator (not sure what hanggliding has to do with space exploration?).

I rocked up to the Planetarium theatre (everytime I say "Planetarium" - I do so without pronouncing the "t" - just like the South Park episode... "You liikkke the Plane-arium!" - I sat down in my designated rich beetch seat (I had forked out for the good seats - not the nosebleed section seats). All the chairs are in a reclined fashion - so you are looking at the ceiling. Becaue the show was in Cantonese - there are a pair of headphones where you can choose the appropriate language track (either English, Japanese or Mandarin (i think!)) - so it was a bit like attending a UN summit with everyone wearing headphones. The show itself was kinda impressive in a "IMAX" sort of way - a mix of computer graphics and movies were projected upon the roof of the Plane-arium and it was quite prrudy. Although the movie got rather bogged down in explaining the physics of black holes - especially when it started to flash up large and complicated equations (eg: r = GM over c-squared when G is the formula for general relatively and c is the circumfernce of the black hole... don't quote me on any of this stuff).

After my plane-arium experience - I wandered around HK's Galaxy of Stars Parade - think Hollywood Boulevard but with HK and Chinese stars as opposed to Hollywood ones. Despite having a couple of HK films in my video-ezy sized DVD collection - I hadn't heard of most of these people - although most of the crowds were surrounding the star-signs of the popular "Western" stars including Bruce Lee, Chow Yun Fat, Jet Li and Jacky Chan. It wasn't at all surprising to see no handprints for Bruce Lee.

I head over to the eastern side of Nathan Road and find another cheap - but classier noodle place and get a Canton-style soup for $18HK. Although this was the first place I've been to where they don't serve you chinese tea - it was pretty good.

I had a bit of HK$ left to spend and head back to the cool mall that I had been to the previous night in an attempt to buy a cool t-shirt with "bling shark teeth" that I had liked. When I got there - I tried it on - and it didn't pass the "I can see your nipples thru the t-shirt test" - so I passed on buying the shirt and just headed back to the hotel and collected my bags.

Although it was about 5ish - the MRT to Tsing Yi was nowhere near as busy as I thought it would be (as the train is heading outbounds - and I thought all the commuter traffic would be heading in the same direction).

Tsing Yi train station is a little bit like a multistory labyrinth - but as this was about the 6th time I've visited it - I'm starting to get used to it. I managed to get a couple of seats all to myself on the Airport Express - where they were flogging the recently opened HK Disney Land - where "Mickey is going all Chinese crazy with the Chinese New Year of the Rat".

I was a little worried that I'd have a repeat performance of my Heathrow/Venice airport experiences (eg: arrive way too early to check in) - but there were check-in's open and the nice lady at the Qantas Club line gave me an exit row + aisle (my dream seat).

After going thru security - I still had $300HK left (about $45ishAUD). I found that the price for Bombay Saphire was fairly cheap here ($18AUD as compared with $25AUD on Qantas Duty-Free) - so I grab a bottle and take it to the counter - where the woman demanded to see my boarding pass. I pull out both my boarding passes (one to Brisbane and one to Canberra) - she sees the Canberra one and goes "you are not allowed to transfer with duty free bottles". I didn't see what the big deal was and said back to her "but I'm only transferring within Australia - this is my last international flight!". But she wouldn't hear it - so I stormed off - and immediately picked up another bottle off the shelf and proceeded to another check in counter - this time only armed with my Brisbane boarding pass. The woman ask me - "Are you transferring?" - and I reply no and I then buy the bottle... I buy a CD that I didn't really want (French Electro House CD) but it was the only other thing I could think of that I might possibly want at the airport. Everything here is more expensive than back in town (the CD was $130HK - when you can pick them up in town for about $100HK) but the bottle of gin was cheap so I can't complain - plus I got rid of all my money.

Day 2 in Hongkers

After going to sleep at midnight the previous night - I was wide awake by 3am. This wasn't a good situation at all - mainly due because I wanted to do a day trip to Macau today. I try and try to get back to sleep - but fail miserably. This is probably partly due to jet lag - and partly due to caffine..

I go down and have breakfast and am in a zombie like state. At least they have changed the CD from bad seagull music to just bad 80s music. I wanted to avoid getting botchalism and avoid all the half-warm chinese sausage and eggs.

I blog for a bit - writing a couple of days on Venice - then I head back to my room and drop dead - waking up at 2:30pm... There goes my day trip to Macau!

Feeling rather pissy with myself - and drag myself out of the hotel and grab a quick bite to eat at one of those asian bakeries. They still haven't really catched onto the whole "Inconvenient Truth" thing and still place every single item you buy into an individual plastic bag - then put everything into a plastic carry bag...

I head down Nathan Road to the Hong Kong Art Gallery (eg: one of the ugly pink tiled buildings at the north end of Kowloon). It was a complete bargain ($10HK entry - which was the same price as in my 2002 edition of LP) - and was well worth checking out. There were a few exhibitions on traditional Chinese art which were prrudy, a contemporary exhibit on Hong Kong artists (including a guy who paints frames from famous Chinese/Hong Kong movies including their cantonese and english subtitles), and an excellent decorative arts exhibit. Plus if you ain't a big art fan - you can take advantage of the excellent views of the harbour from the gallery.

Feeling like I want to vegetate (despite sleeping until 2:30pm) - and had a desire to go and see a trashy hollywood movie at a cinema. I check LP for the nearest cinema. I head there only to find out that they are only showing one film - and it is some Korean movie about an ET style alien... Great... I don't think Multiplexs exist in HK - where land and space is at a premium.

I go a little crazy and HMV and buy some DVDs and some bargain CDs (including some for about $5AUD) and head back to the hotel for a bit of a chill and blog.

Still wanting to go to the movies - I look up LP and there appears to be a cinema at nearby Canton Road. Although - when I get to the alledged location of the cinema - it wasn't there. Perhaps it closed down - or perhaps LP got it terribly wrong with their maps. Anyhow - in the cinema's place - I found a cool trendy department store (sort of like the youth ones in Tokyo) - everything was quite crampped but quite kewl. I resist buying more clothes for the minute and head back to the Happy Garden Noodles for dinner to give it another shot at reprisal. Unfortunately - it was still a pretty dish that I had ordered (curried beef with rice) - perhaps my days of great hong kong food are finally over...?

After dinner - I explore a few areas of Tsim Shu Chi which I haven't been before. It's sort of funny with all of those neon signs that are up 30 meters in the air - you never really see them from the street level - so I'm not sure on their effectiveness in advertising. Although I did see a sign for the Ballarat University...

I've also noticed that all of the non-legit DVD shops in Kowloon - appear to be selling legit copies now. The only place you can buy the dodgy stuff now are the night markets. Perhaps the Chinese crack down on piracy has made an impact?

1st Day in Hongkers

After going to bed at midnight the previous night - I wake up at 6:30am - which wasn't all that much sleep - but probably enough to function OK today.

The TV in the hotel is pretty crappy - there are only 5 channels - 4 of which is an annoying "Pearl TV" channel - which seems to just have the world's crappiest programming. This morning - the excitement of "Bloomsberg TV News" and Microsoft buying out Yahoo.

I have breakfast included in the accommodation and I head down to the cafe fairly early for it. It was a pretty poor effort - a couple of edible cereals, a selection of cold-esque Chinese food and a non-functioning toaster. To make matters worse - they were playing this really terrible seagull music (eg: seagulls kept squawking in the background) and it was chinese pan pipe versions of such classics like the Gone with the Wind theme... I texted Ant saying my "urge to kill was rising".

After breakfast - I head down the famous Nathan Road stretch when it starts to rain. Not heavily - but enough to get your umbrella out. I head down to the bay - where there was a sort of a strange mix of fog and smog covering the Hong Kong Island. Near the whole "Art Museum / Cultural Centre complex" (just look for the ugly pink tiled 80s complex at the end of Kowloon - you can't miss it) were these big inflatable versions of those evil Beijing Olympic mascots. Although since our trip to China early in 07 - they seem to have multiplied from 5 to about 20. Perhaps someone was feeding it after midnight and they multiplied gremlins style.

I got harrassed by one of those pesky Indian talior guys - although this one was a little too strong with the pick up lines "You are a lucky man!".

I walk down past the Star Ferry Terminal where there were several Falun Dafa protests happening (I didn't realise that this stuff was allowed in HK after the reunification with China). Perhaps they wouldn't come across so "cult-like" if they hired a professional marketing firm to give their protests a bit of pizzazz and sex appeal.

It was only about 9ish - and I headed into the mecha Ocean Terminal complex - miles upon miles of shopping all in the one mammoth complex (makes the Canberra Centre expansions look like the Goulburn Marketplace). I was a little bit early though - as most shops open at 10 or 11am - so it was like walking through a ghost town. I thought about buying "Time Crisis 4" for the PS3 - but I thought I could have trouble bringing in a toy gun back into the country...

It was about 11ish - and I was feeling a bit peekish after the lucklustre breakfast so I headed down to my favourate noodle place in HK - the Happy Garden Noodle and Congee Kitchen on Canton Road (although the staFf aren't very happy and there is no garden in sight). I order a wonton noodle soup - but was a little disappointed. It was a bit smallish and wasn't the best tasting.

I head via the MRT to Sham Shui Po - which according to LP is the place to buy electronic stuff in Kowloon. I stumble across a computer complex called Golden Plaza Shopping Centre - which was a couple of levels of "dodgy computer fair"-esque sellers selling all sorts of PC crap and a few video games. I felt glad that I had made the effort getting out here because it sure as hell wasn't touristy and the prices were a lot cheaper than in the touristy Tsim Ma Tai district. I was a bit hesitant about trying to haggle the prices down - as most things had price tags on them. I popped my cherry and picked up a $20 PSP game - and then I attempted to buy 3 PS3 games from the one dealer whilst getting a discount. He seemed pretty offended that I was trying to haggle the price down - so I only bought one game off him (as I knew other places where the prices were lower). The games here (about $50-70AUD) are cheaper than Australia (where they retail in Oz for $110)but I think they are more expensive than in Singapore and Japan.

After spending too much money on games - I head back to the hotel and chill for a bit - before getting kicked out of the room as the lazy cleaner wanted to clean it at 3pm in the afternoon.

I make my way back to the Star Ferry terminal and catch a ferry to Hong Kong Island (for those not in the know - Kowloon is on the mainland - and Hong Kong is on an Island - duh!). The good old Star Ferry is probably the must do thing whilst in Hong Kong - and it still has those genuine 2002 prices (my copy of LP is that old) - HK$1.70 - which is about AUD 25 cents... My god - they must be genuine 1972 prices...

By the way - our dollar has gone from strength to strength - when I first came here - the Aussie $ bought about 4 HK $'s. Now it is about HK$7 per AUD$1. A reason why the Aussie dollar is performing well against the HK dollar - is that the HK dollar is pegged against the US$ - hence it is also going down the poop shoot.

Anyhows - it was really cold on the ferry crossing the harbour. China has been having those freakish snow storms which have been disrupting power supplies and transport. HK's weather (although much milder than Europes') - is pretty cold at the moment by their standards. 3 layer material today (and I brought my shorts along thinking it would be mild).

I headed over to HK Island on a bit of a mission to find the Macau ferry terminal. I was planning on doing a day trip there (because I've never been) and LP says it is only a 60km ferry trip there.

After about 20 minutes of walking around aimlessly - I finally found the TurboJet terminal (which was in the middle of a mall no less) - but I was a bit shocked when I read the timetable. It seemed to read that the trip would take about 6 hours - which would mean it couldn't be a daytrip. I reread LP and it assured me that it would only take 1 and a half hours or so (depending on what sort of ferry you catch). I go back to the Turbo Jet timetable - and I had just misread it (I had read the 0900 1300 to be the departure and arrival time - but the 1300 is another departure time..). Duh!

I head over to the shopping area of Central and stumble upon a cheap $10 shop - full of the most god awful things on the planet. I was almost thinking about buying Taeko a gnome there - but they only had them of the female variety.

Low and behold - I then stumble upon an H&M store - this time with male clothing... Yay... I have a bit of a browse - and notice that most of the sizes are either S or XS...!@ I finger my way thru the merch and find a cool bunch of T-shirts designed by musicians including Justice, Timbaland and the Sister Sisters. I was going to get a Justice shirt - but it was way too large for me (only large t in the shop probably). So I probably spend over an hour in the store and try on over a dozen things - I end up buying a t-shirt, a polo shirt, a jumper, another hoodie (can't have enuf) and a belt - so I didn't go too crazy and it was about $85AUD.

I make my way back to Kowloon - again via the Star Ferry - when I notice that they have finished the redevelopment of the terminal - which I thought made it a bit sterile looking. I much prefer the original derlict wharf - which had a bit of charm to it. Hopefully they won't do the same to the Kowloon wharf!

I head back to the hotel and blog. I'm making great progress after a relatively slow start and have finished the Selva / Skiing sections.

For dinner - I go to a nearby seafood restaurant with some crazy english name. The guy was a little strange in greeting me when I came in "You ARE welcome!" - so what - I'm not normally welcome?! I had a good view of their big screen TV - so it felt a bit like home and watching TV whilst eating dinner. There was some dodgy Chinese version of "X-Factor" - which had an 8 year old boy dancing around the stage dressed in a Matrix style rubber outfit (disturbing on so many levels) - and Chinese answer to Missy Elliot - a big fat Chinese girl rapping in baggy clothing. I order one of the most expensive dishes off the menu - a shrimp (aka prawns) dish with cashews. I was originally going to order the chilli version - but the guy warned me that it was really hot - so I went with this instead. Although the service was a little variable - the food was terrific and very flavoursome (probably due to the copius amounts of MSG).

Getting the fudge out of Italy to Honkers

I wake up at 5am - somewhat better than my previous couple of days worth of effort - but still terrible by holiday standards.

I hate to admit it - but a couple of days ago when I was watching a Richard Quest show on CNN - he was OK... But now CNN have got him doing US Presidential campaign reporting - which just pished me off big time. Richard Quest - you are back in my Burn Book!@

My last day having an Italian breakfast at Hotel Delfino - and I finally learn my lesson and don't eat those bloody gross Italian crossiants! (you are going in my burn book too!).

I pack - and quickly head down to the "PAM" (eg: supermarket) which is situated just beneath my hotel. I grab a couple of bread roles and bananas (god I'm predictable) and get the "smiles completely optional" check out chick who make French people look like the stewardesses from Singapore Airlines. I can't wait to get away from this terrible service! Burn book!

I check out and leave my bags at reception (as I had a bit of time to kill before my flight to Hong Kong via London Gatwick via stewpid transfer bus to London Heathrow). I had a bit of a stroll around Mestre - which was kinda enjoyable - getting away from tourists - walking around local markets - seeing a bit more of what real Venice is like. I head back to La Barche (eg: the H&M mall which discriminates against male clothing) and have a bit of a browse in the overpriced (and then some) CD and DVD shop. I was getting a bit of a caffine headache - but I was too afraid to go into a cafe by myself and get a coffee. So I thought I might go to Brek (which was nearby). After getting there - I discover it was shut - not openning to 11:30am.

Getting a bit bored - I try and find an internet place (not the dodgy one that crashed on me a couple of days earlier) - but the only place I could find was a bit of a rip (20c per minute) so I go and collect my bags and head to the airport early.

I had no problems catching the bus (only had to wait a couple of minutes). Upon arrival at Marco Polo airport (aka Venice Airport) - I discover that there isn't a BA check-in counter open at the airport yet - so I couldn't check in. Marco Polo is full of "no-brand" check in counters - eg they pimp them out to airlines in no particular order. There was a big screen displaying what check in counters you should use - but my flight wasn't showing yet.

I waited around for about 1 hour and a half. I got chatting with a girl from Melbourne who had been studying art in her uni holiday in Vienna. She said I was the first person she'd met who was living in Canberra (the honour is all mine). When the check-in counter finally opened - it was a bit like a Pantera rock show mixed with Italian service. There were two check in staff present for about 1 minute (including one who was behind an "BA Bag Drop Off only" sign despite the fact that there were no automatic ticket machines to use - so there was literally no way you could just drop your bag off. The line started to get a bit messy (damn those Italian lack of queues) and I had to fend off people trying to push in. After about 10 minutes - the two staff materialised again and started to serve people. I give them my usual sob story - "could I get exit rows please" - and they give the usual response - "computer says no!". Burn book BA check in beetches! There was also this really annoying rich beetch Aussie family who had some out of control 8 year olds - one called "Harrison" (my god that is a bad name!). The mum kept going "Harrison! Harrison! Don't do that!". Jesus woman - stop feeding your kids M&Ms! Burn book for you stewpid Aussie family.

(If you haven't realised already - this is a burn book heavy day. And for those who haven't seen Mean Girls - I pity you).

I get thru airport security and attempt to get into the lounge. I gave Ant a text the previous day and asked him whether or not I could get into the lounge at Marco Polo Airport with my Qantas club card. He said it was doubtful (as it wasn't a BA lounge - which I could get into) - but I could give it a shot. It worked for us in Dubrovnik where we were let in even though we weren't supposed to be. I headed up to the lounge where I was greated by some Italian women chatting to each other instead of supposed to be serving people at the VIP lounge. When they finally broke away from their conversation and decided to serve me - she looked at my card and coldly said "we can't let you in with that card"... D'oh!

I head downstairs to the public (aka plebs) area and decide I'll try and spend the rest of my euros. The shops were pretty dire - but I saw a pizza deal for 7 euros where I could get rid of the rest of my coinage. I went up to the counter - where there was about four staff - all talking to one another. Although I'm 100% certain they knew I was there - they never tried to bother to serve me. I put up with this s##t for about 30 seconds before storming off... Burn book pizzaeria staff!

I instead buy a 2 euro gellato (which was the going rate everywhere else) which was neeecye and spent another 2.60 euros buying the most expensive pepsi light I've ever bought in my life (again with rudish service). When can I get the fudge out of this country! Burn book!

I make my way thru immigration (Marco Polo is a sort of part-domestic / part-international airport and I was hanging around the domestic bit) and get on the BA flight to Gatwick.

The annoying Aussie family made a bit of a vengeful return - when they were pissfarting around trying to get onto the plane. The mother then couldn't find her passport - I couldnt't keep the grin off my face. Unfortunately - 5 minutes later - she found the passport (it was on the seat in front of me). Her kids were absolute terrors - espeically Harrison. He had ADD - probably because he was named "Harrison". There was another one perpectually holding a sick bag and the others were egging him to spew all over the plane. Burn book...

After we took off - the flight was alright - I had a bit of sleep which was a promising sign. Also my bags were first of the carosel - things are finally looking milhouse today.

I made my way to the most expensive bus shuttle service in the world (the Gatwick-Heathrow "express") - at 17 pounds a pop (that's the discounted price!) it is pretty outrageous.

Things weren't looking so Milhouse for the first 20 minutes of the trip. The bus was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic... and the signs were saying 37km to Heathrow. I was thinking - damn I could miss my flight. Thankfully - it was just a bit of road maintenance - and the traffic flowed well after it and I made it to Heathrow in plenty of time.

Heathrow Airport (like Marco Polo) was also a bit like a Pantera Rock Show. There were masses of people everywhere and it was all very chaotic. I head over to a BA counter - where I'm greated by a door beetch who was checking to see if people had printed their boarding passes at the self-service machines. She scanned over my boarding pass (which I got at Venice) and said - you are too early to board (it was about 4 hours before my flight). I started to question her saying - "I had "checked in" 10 hours before my flight at Gatwick - why is this any different" - to which she replied "we don't open check in until 3 hours before boarding". I say to her that "I have a Qantas Club Membership and I can't use the club until I go thru security... what can I do in the meantime?". She replied "you can go and have a coffee at those restaurants over there...". I stormed off saying (these are my exact words) - "This is f####ng ridiculous!".

I move straight to another check in counter - this time without a door bitch. I try the "sweet and innocent" routine this time - and she says "you can't check in 3 hours before the flight but I'll give someone a call". She then proceeded to call someone. 2 minutes after the call - she then said - you need to wait until 3 hours before the flight before you check in (despite the person she called - not calling her back). I start firing up again - saying that I have club access and I've already checked in at Venice and that I shouldn't have to wait here with my bags.... but to no avail - they wouldn't check me in.

I storm off again - this time - noticing their competitors' check ins don't have the same stewpid restrictions. I'm feeling fairly pissy overall at BA - with their one bag policy, and their "you can't check in 3 hours before the departure time" policy. I text Ant saying what had happened and how pished off I am. When I get back to home - I think I might write a letter to Qantas saying that I wasn't very happy with my experience with BA. It's a very "computer says no" sort of attitude where they have these polices and they never exercise any flexibility. BURN BOOK!!!!

So - I had to hang around for about 45 minutes (this was about 6pm Venice time - and I had arrived at Venice Airport around 11am - so I was feeling really tired and hadn't really gone very far). When I do check in - I make sure I don't go to the counters operated by the previous staff members.

Getting through Heathrow security was yet another Pantera Rockshow (if you don't know why I keep referencing Pantera rock shows is because at a Pantera rock show once - a crazed fan shot dead the drummer - eg: something that is out of control).

When I finally make it to the BA lounge - it is totally packed. I was really keen on writing some of the blog (because I was so far behind) but apparently - Heathrow was struck by some bad storms that day and there were plenty of delayed and cancelled flights - hence the lounge was busier than usual. (And before you start saying - Nick - you are being unreasonable with your hatred of BA's 3 hour check-in policy - well - that is a permanent policy and had nothing to do with the bad weather at heathrow)... Grrr..

The flight to Hong Kong (which left around 10pm - so this was a really long day for me) was chockers. I had two girls sitting next to me (which I thought was a bit strange considering they like to sit you next to people of your own gender so there is no sexy harrassment). I get a bit of sleep during the flight - and do some shocking snoring performances which would have made Ant cringe. I also watch a couple of movies including Blood Diamond (which was trying to be both a political thriller and a run-of-the-mill action film - but sort of was just all mediorce), the Simpsons Movie (this time when I fell asleep in it - I paused it - unlike when I saw it at Hoyts - but again - it was fairly mediorce) and the Ice Storm (which was an oldie but a goodie).

When I had originally booked my flights - I thought I might try something different and order "Diet meals" - but when they changed my flights to europe (via South Africa) - they had lost the Diet Meal request. However - I still had the diet meals on my way to HK. It felt a bit weird getting served your meal first (like you were some sort of freak). The dinner was fairly god-awfully bland - but the breakfast was alright - although I'm not sure how low-fat it was (it had fatty bacon in it).

I arrived at Hong Kong Airport around 6pm HK time (we were delayed a bit getting out of Heathrow due to the traffic). Because I know getting around HK like the back of my hand (been here a couple of times before including once by myself) - I knew to buy the airport express to Tsing Yi (pronounced "Chingyi") instead of Kowloon or Hong Kong (cause it is way cheaper) - then catch the MRT the rest of the way. I had no problems - although I noticed that there was a Disneyland Resort on the MRT system now... Yay!

I was staying at the Evergreen Hotel at Jordan (on the mainland at Kowloon). I had stayed there before with Ant a couple of years ago - and had no problem following the instructions it had on its website to find it. I check in and get a non-smoking double room (unlike when Ant and I checked in last time and got a smoking twin room).... I have a shower (because I was reeking!) and head outside for some (shame) Yoshinoya for dinner. I ahve a wander around Kowloon and discover that the HMV (which we did a bit of shopping at last time in HK) had moved to a somewhat smaller shop. I have a bit of a browse but didn't buy anything - when I finally head back to the hotel and do some "Super Happy Fun Laundry Time!" and watch some stewpid movie with Kevin Bacon about an invisible man. The TV here is a bit funny - all of those crazy zany asian ads have english subtitles - so you can vaguely understand what they are all about.

How art thou day trip to Verona

I wake up again at 4am (nightmare of this holiday) and unlike yesterday - I don't go back to bed. :-(

Because Verona is a bit further away than Padova by train - Tasha and I decided to meet at Mestre station at 8am so we could catch a 8ish train to Verona - therefore - I had breakfast at 7am. Despite this being the "openning time for breakfast" - half the room was packed out by the Japanese tourists. One was looking fairly outlandish - dressed in a traditional japanese kimino. Not sure if this was a Carnevale thing?

I head down to the station and buy some reserve tickets for myself (which were 3 euros extra). I then meet Tasha at McDonalds at the station - they were wanting breakfast but unfortunately for them - Italian McDonalds don't seem to do breakfast and they were shut. I have a quick cappucino whilst Tasha were pissfarting around having a super-slow breakfast - despite the need to leave for the train (and not having bought their tickets for them). I take action and grab some money from Sacha and buy them their train tickets. When I return - they still hadn't finished their breakfast - despite there being 5 minutes before the train leaves. I storm off to the platform without them - although they were lucky this time because the train was late.

We were in separate compartments on the train - I stayed in my overcrowed booked compartment - whilst Tasha had a compartment all to themselves. Damn me for booking my seat!

We arrive at Verona around 9ish and head in the general direction of the colosseum. Although generally - LP's maps are better than DKs (which are usually pitiful) - DK's map was way more detailed than the LP one. Therefore Sacha took the lead in guiding us our way to the colosseum.

Verona's colosseum is apparently the 3rd largest in Italy - and despite this - it was completely empty and devoid of tourists for the most part of our visit. It was fairly bargin prices to get in (compared to the Rome version) and we took lots of pictures and got a bit of a view of the city. Sacha was wanting to draw "Dicktation" in the middle of the colosseum and get Taeko to take a picture - but that was too much effort. (Admittedly - Jonah from Summer Heights High's tag is much better than mine from Year 7 - mine was "Crimewave" in the sort of shape of a wave).

We have a wander around town - which is a UNESCO world hertiage listed site - and more deservedly so than Valparassio (damn u Valparassio!!!). It was all very quaint and kodak friendly. Taeko almost has a seizure when she saw a shop which was using a garden gnome motif in its front window. (Remember people - Taeko has an unexplanable gnome fetish) The store was littered with gnomes to make the shop look nicer - but Taeko was asking whether they were for sale. She ends up buying one for 25 euros (almost $50 AUD peoples!!!) which was a plastic mushroom with some gnomes having a tea party on it.... 25 euros... My gawd... That could be a week's worth of pay at her japanese comic book shop. I ask her why doesn't she just go to bunnings in Australia and get one there - but she only likes the environmentally unfriendly plastic gnomes because they are "cuter". Although the shop was mostly selling girly stuff - there were a few interesting items for sale including a "Willy-warmer" (aka penis sock) and cock-rings and bras made out of candy. Yes - when I think of gnomes - I think of buying a cock-ring as well...

Anyhows - we head back out the shop and head in the general direction of the river. From there - you could see a big castle on the other side of the banks. Taeko started going crazy again (remember - she also has a castle fetish) and wanted to go visit it. Sacha and I pursuade her not to - because it you couldn't walk around it (according to our guide books).

We walk back to the city and stumble upon a free exhibit. I say to Tasha "let's go - because there probably is a free toilet inside!". (By the way I'm morally against paying to use public toilets). It actually was an interesting "muesum" - more like an archaeological dig of old ruins beneath the city's surface. It also included a photographic exhibit which included a couple of picture of Canberra (!). There was a free toilet (right at the end) - and I scared Taeko a couple of times by jumping in front of her around corners.

Also - Taeko and I had some sort of a running gag these holidays. At Selva - I would jab her with my fingers on her pressure points around her waist and she would get a shock - then state that was (in thick Japanese accent) "sexual harassment". I later call it "sexy harassment" and (in my Spinal Tap voice) - "what's wrong with being sexy?!". Taeko and I would constantly be trying to sexually harass each other. She said the rule was "it is not OK for you (being me) to touch me (being Taeko) - but it was OK for her to touch me"..... Que?

We then went to the famous (or is that infamous) "Romeo and Juliet" balcony. As LP puts it - it is "much ado about nothing". Romeo and Juliet is a fictional story set in Verona... yet tourists flock to the "supposed" balcony of Juliet where Romeo cried out to her. There was a museum dedicated to the story and for paying 4 euros (entry to the museum) - you could stand on the balcony in all its fictional glory. Tasha and I agreed that we all didn't want to do this - so Sacha paid for Taeko to go in. When she was on the balcony - we got her to pose in all sorts of lurid manners - I got her to do the "fellatio" pose and took a picture (work the camera baby - yeah (in Austin Power's accent))....

Next to the balcony is a brozned statue of Juliet. A lot of tourists rub her right breast for good luck - but I find it somewhat ironic that you rub the breast of a character who botched her own attempt at a fake suicide and died of the consequences... Anyhow - I got Sacha to take my picture while I did some "sexy harassment" shots with the statue.

This place had "tourist cash-in" written all over it. Right next door is a tacky with a capital "T" gift shop - filled will all sorts of "romantic" R&J junk. Come on peoples - the story was fictional and this place is a former bloody hotel!

Also of note - there is love-graffiti and chewing gum written all over the tunnel leading up to the balcony. Someone had written "Guns n F#####g Roses" - choice. Luv u 2 Axl!

We have lunch at a nearby touristic cafe and order some OK pizzas (allthough I thoughte the Brek pizzas were better). To outdo ourselves in the fatness department - we all have icecreams afterwards.

We make tracks to the Castelveecho (in order to satisfy Taeko's need to visit as many castles as possible). The castle itself was built because everyone hated the guy who owned it. He built it so no one from the city could kill him - but his brother ended up stabbing him in the back or something... The castle these days houses an art museum (mostly of the old-school jesus variety) - so we were all suffering from a bit of old-school jesus art overdose. You could also walk around the top of the castle - which had terrific views of the river and city. There was a nearby busker playing an accordian which made the place feel very parisian and a big bunch of japanese tourists (maybe they followed me from the Hotel Delfino) taking pictures from the public area of the castle. There was also a special exhibit about some Italian dude from the 50s who made lots of "fashionable" glass wares from the 50s - mod baby yeah.

After the castle - Taeko has the desire to go back to the Gnome shop and spend more hard earned $$ on plastic gnomes... (Que?!). So we trek for 20 minutes back to the shop only to discover that a full size gnome cost 30 euros ($50AUD) which was too much for Taeko.

We make our way back to the station - where I was teaching Taeko some riske songs including "I want your (dah dah dah dah) sex", and "U got the look, u got the hook, ur body's jammin, ur face is (something) slamin, lets get to ramming" and "bad arse stripper in a gucci thong, see-through dress by louis vuitton" - which kept us entertained for a bit (picture Taeko trying to say these lyrics with a thick Japanese accent). Also on the way to the station - we see a full grown man carrying a children's pink "Bratz" backpack. Sacha attempts to take pictures of it.

We buy some tight-wad 2hr train trip tickets back to Mestre on the regular train - which were only 6 euros and we really didn't have anything better to do. When we arrive at Mestre (around 6:30pm) - I show Sacha the bus stop to get to the airport (instead of him taking an expensive private transfer from his hotel). I also show Tasha my bling bling room - Taeko uses the bathroom.

We head back to Brek for dinner - where we were getting a bit sick of the bad service here in Italy. When you are at a counter - wanting to be served - half the time the staff will just chat amongst themselves and ignore you (depsite them knowing you are there) and serve you in a pretty rude manner. It was a bit like that at Brek tonight where the pizza lady was just fudging around not serving us - when she knew Sacha and I were waiting to be served... I think I was getting flashbacks to the service in Eastern Europe. When we were having dinner - we were all chatting about the service - Taeko mentioned that in Japan - the customer is "god" - which is what it should be everywhere.

After the meal - I say goodbye to Tasha - they are both flying to Japan tomorrow - where Taeko will spend another couple of weeks catching up with friends and Sacha will fly back home (to make paper). I head back to the hotel for some more Wheel of Fortune action (damn those pervy Italian camera men with no subtly).

Day trip to Padua (aka Padova)...

I wake up again at 4am in the morning - but fortunately- I go back to sleep... I wake up a couple of hours later and watch some bad Italtian TV. The previous night I had catched a glimpse of the Italian version of Wheel of Fortune. The Adriana woman had breasts bigger than Dolly Parton and when she greated the host at the start of the show - the camera kept panning up and down her legs... Subtly - Italian TV style. This morning - there was an ad with an attractive lady and an ugly old guy in a car together - and I was thinking Anna Nicole Smith "golddigger" wannabe - but it was just an ad for wheel of fortune.

I wore my "Jesus Raves" T-shirt to breakfast which caused a few catholic eyes to pop out of their skulls.

I head to Mestre station - and grab another cold coffee from the cafe. I then meet up with Tasha at the ticket office and puy a 2 euro ticket to Padova (sorry - I'm used to the Italian way of saying Padua!). Taeko buys some breakfast at the cafe for Tasha - and she buys one of those infamous Italian Marmalade Crossiants - which she straight out refuses to eat. I explain to her that she can eat the top - the filling is only at the bottom of the crossiant - and she tries a bit.

The train to Padova only took about 1/2 an hour. Padova is a smallish uni town - but the reason why tourists visit it is for its famous "Cappella degli Scovegni" - a church with famous Giotto fresco paintings all inside it (hence that is why we are going - also we were getting a bit bored with Venice).

As soon as we get off the train at Padova station - we get harrassed by some guy who doesn't speak a word of English (he wasn't a dero or anything). Sacha said to him "do you speak english" - and he kept mouthing off at him so we did the polite thing and ignore him.

Because of the lack of food Tasha had for breakfast - we make a quick pitstop at a "typical" Italian cafe. The prices were dirt cheap and I tempt myself and get a Machiatto (my 5th coffee for today and it was only 10am - no wonder I can't get no sleep).

We head down to the Cappella degli Scovegni - which is a 5 or so minute walk away from the station. We read both Don't Know (Sacha stole my copy - which in turn - I stole from my parents) and LP and they both said you need to book the tickets 74 hours in advance. We see a sign at the entrance that confirms this - but we thought we might try our luck and just ask at the ticket office. Probably because it is off-season - we could get tickets straight away for it. LP and DK both mention something about all visitors being "decontaminated" for 15 minutes before entering the church. I thought this would involve them throwing holy water on us all and performing exocisms, hail marys and the like. But it was just that we had to sit in a room so we can get aclimatised to the church in order to preserve the frescos - because they are suffering from a bit of decay.

Anyway - to keep in the religous theme - I was wearing my Jesus Raves t-shirt - while Sacha was wearing his Jesus streaker t-shirt. Praise the lord!~

Once we were inside the small church - which incidently was built by some dude who was hated by all the townspeople and became a born again Christian and built this church in order to save him from going to the firey pits of hell. He got Giotto to decorate the walls with several murals depicting various religous stories including the birth and death of christ. There was also a gnarly picture of heaven and hell (hell had more orgies happening than heaven - yeh) with the guy who owned the church - knelling before christ or something. Although it ain't no Sistine Chapel - it was still pretty cool and worth the trip out to Podova.

Another motive to come to Podova was to find an H&M. I was pretty disappointed that H&M in Mestre was only for the ladies and kiddies (not sure if I could fit into a size XXXS!) - so I had checked on the H&M website on the net and it said there was an outlet in Podova - which had male clothing in it. Unfortunately - we wandered around town for a bit and couldn't find it. Taeko even went up to a department store droid and asked where the H&M store was. The droid looked a bit puzzled (she didn't speak much engrish) - and called over another assistant. She two looked puzzled - and called over another assistant - who spent about 2 minutes studying Taeko's map of Padova. The third assistant said - you need to catch a number 24 bus from here - and it will go for 40 minutes and there is an H&M there... Foiled yet again....!

We had lunch at the local Brek restaurant (yay Brek!). I had ordered some Penne - but the woman serving went mental a bit and we had a bit of a communication breakdown. She was trying to say "I couldn't hear you over the glass (between the counter)" - and I though she was asking me to pick up a take away dish nearby... I also spoil myself and get a Tiramsu - which was slightly frozen...

In order to find the location of H&M - I set off by myslef and try to track down an internet cafe. About 10 minutes later - I find one - only to be denied again - because the computers were all full.

Feeling a bit defeated - I head back to Brek and pick up Tasha where we check out Coin (that crappy-esque department store). The clothes were pretty tragic but we did get a bit of a kick roaming through the homewares department. I found a Donna Hay Cookbook translated into Italian... and took a picture of it (despite the "no photos" signs everywhere). I soon discover that Taeko is a serial merch-fingerer. Someone who likes to finger or touch all of the merchandise in a shop.

Because I had lost my sunnies a couple of days ago in Venice - I check out a nearby Sunglasses/Glasses shop - and end up buying a pair of Diesel Sunnies which are kewl. Everything was on sale - and they were only 80 euros (much cheaper than at home!).

We then wander thru the city's various plazas and take a few pictures. I stumble on a Zara (another major international clothes store like H&M) - and go a bit mental and buy 80 euros worth of clothes including a pair of black tight denmim jeans (not quite metallica tight but getting there), a fluoro t-shirt (I hope Ant won't divorce me), a fluoro hoodie (I really hope Ant won't divorce me - although he might not want to be seen in public with me) and another funky t-shirt which makes me look like out of a Justice video-clip.

After my shopping rampage - we decide to do something touristy and visit the Palce Zimmerman - which houses a couple of museums including a venetian decorative art museum. Although for Taeko and I - the main purpose of the visit was to try and locate a toilet (I was busting after all of that shopping excitement).

We head back to the station - buy a couple of tickets and I almost lead everyone onto the wrong train (damn those Eurocity class trains!). Our trip back to Mestre was even shorter - only 15 minutes. We all decide to go to the Mestre Brek restaurant (which is located in the LP map) - although upon arrival - we discover that it opens at 6:30pm and we got there at 6... We hang around out the front like people do at the Belconnen Mall until it opened. I discovered that Brek makes pizza (eg: they cook it fresh for you) and order a Maghretta pizza. Although it was basic (eg: tomato paste and cheese) - it was really yummy and cheap (at only 4 euros). I also had some vino on tap (as you do).

I say goodbye to Tasha for the day - who head back in a mad rush to catch a bus to their hotel located in b##f####-somewhere-near-mestre. I stumble upon a cheap internet cafe (2 euros for an hour) and do some blogging - until the internet carks it and I leave in a mad state - hoping that my last half an hour's worth of work hasn't been lost.

Day 2 in Venice

I wake up at 5am - better than the last couple of days but I wished I would sleep in a bit longer (say till at least 5:30am)...

Italian TV for the most part is fairly s##t - most shows seem to be as dumb as Hey Hey It's Saturday and I'm beginning to get second thoughts on the Italian version of MTV. They were playing non-stop serious news (eg: stuff about Soharto dying not about Heath Ledger or Britney Spears) - and had some really tedious special on some Italian kids going to Auschwitz (spl?) and heaps of news on it (although I'm not sure why). Where are the trashy american reality shows or MTV Exposed. MTV Exposed was a pretty slimy dating show where one girl or guy has a date with two other people. That one girl or guy asks them all of these bizzare questions - eg: "have you ever thought about being a woman?" or "do you wear women clothing" - obvious questions to ask a potential partner on a first date. Meanwhile - in a very non-subtle truck - there is that person's best friend who is hearing their answers thru a lie detection computer. At the end of the date - the single boy or girl announce that their questions have gone thru a lie detector machine and that they will go back to the surveilance truck and talk it thru with their best friend... What a great first date - I'm sure none of these relationships have ever made it to the second...

Also of note on this morning's MTV - was that the starsigns apparently say that Aquarians hate Leos today - great news considering I'm a Leo and Ant's an Aquarian.

I have breakfast downstairs at the restaurant and upon my return to my room - a big protest was brewing outside the hotel. I had overheard someone saying on the train the night before that there were going to be train strikes or something tomorrow and this could be it. It went on for about 1 hour and their were riot police and everything - although nothing ever got out of hand. I stayed in the safety of my hotel room - which had a good view of the proceedings. I noticed heaps of Japanese tourists taking photos out the front of the hotel.

I head to the train station after the protest disappears and catch a train to Venice. The cost is only 1 euro - which is fairly reasonable.

Because it was a monday - it was a lot less packed than the previous day. All of the locals appeared to have returned to work - and it was dead obvious picking out the tourists today - people wearing dodgy masks and capes - who sort of looked out of place today.

Because Tasha were catching a later shuttle bus into Venice today (they had to hang around Venice for 10 or 12 hours the previous day) - I wandered off to the Peggy Gugghenheim Museum over at Accademeia. I thought I'd be smart and try and find a short cut - becauuse going to San Marco then to Accademia was a bit of trek. Famous last words - it took me almost an hour to find my way using the LP maps. This place is like an absolute maze - you have a terrible sense of direction as you can't see any distinguishing landmarks and all the streets all twist and turn in non-logical directions.

When I finally made it - the entrance fee was only 10 euros. Peggy Gugghenheim was a famous art collector - and she left her collection to this museum for public display. According to LP - she has an interesting ecclectic taste. There were a number of famous artists including Picasso, Miro and Marc Ernst (her husband - a surrealist artist). There was a cool sculpture garden and the museum was positioned on the "banks" of the grand canal. I thought it was well worth the admission.

I make my way back to the general direction of the Rialto and I still haven't heard of anything from Tasha yet. When I had almost made it back to the Santa Lucia train station - I suddenly get a barrage of txts from Tasha - saying "We are having breakfast at Brek - meet you there", and "Where are you - its 12 o clock" and "we are getting desperate..."!

I text him back saying that I'll meet him at the train station - he immediately texted me back saying he was at San Marco Piazza... So I make my way back to San Marco - and ended up getting lost another half dozen or so times.

About 1/2 an hour later - I finally met him and Taeko near the bascillia. Sacha was saying that he was concerned because I was a no-show and was about to call mum - but I explained to him that I've been having trouble receiving and sending texted today.

Anyhow - we have a little bit of a wander around the Piazza - which was considerably less busy than on Sunday. LP was right - there were 1000s of pigeons. Apparently - the city tried to get rid of them because they were being fairly problematic. The city tried de-sexing them... it didn't work. They tried posioning them... but the wouldn't take the bait - so I think they have just given up on trying to reduce the flying rat population of San Marco. We notice a couple of young girls who developed a method of getting the birds to fly off the ground... just wave your hands in an upwards fashion. Sacha and I took this to new extremes by flicking our jackets into the sky - you could get 100s of birds to fly off at once. We got Taeko to videotape our crime spree (which hopefully should be coming soon to youtube) where Sacha and I would quietly work towards a group of tourists in the middle of 100s of birds and then - with a simple flick of our jackets - the birds would go wild and people would scream.... It was a good way to kill off half an hour.

We check at the Basilica - which was free to get in - but extra if you wanted to do different things. We all took the free option. Taeko was asking all of these dumb questions about Christianity including - what country is Jesus from... and where are Jesus' bones. I answered New Zealand and she sort of believed me... There was a "praying only area" and I wanted to check it out. Taeko was afraid of going because she said "I'm asian and people would know I'm not Christian"... Despite her qualms - we all do it anyway.

We then check out the next door Doge's palace or Palazzo Duale - which was a former palace/courthouse/prison all rolled into one. It was 12 euro admission. I mouthed off Taeko for taking pictures - despite the no photo signs. She takes a few crazy shots of Sacha replacing his head with a stone statue head. We check out the courtyard - most of which was under renovation - then Doge's apartment. It was a bit confusing as there was a sign saying "Doge's Apartment - this way" - and the area was all roped off. Taeko goes around the rope - then attempts to open a locked door. Sacha and I fled the crime scene. It was all very pretty - and there were a few famous paintings including by Titian. After the apartment - you check out the court rooms, then the prison/dungeon. Sacha was a bit disappointed because he thought he would see a torture chamber.

Tasha were obsessed about the uglyness of the paintings and statues of Eve (eg: Adam and Eve). In one of the rooms - it first had a painting of Adam and Eve - and then one I thought of Adam and Steve (two naked guys wrestling) - but it was Cain and Able or someone...

On the way to San Marco - I found a McDonalds and Tasha wanted McDonalds - so we went to McDonalds for a late lunch. I order a 5 euro happy meal (complete with Connect Four set) whilst Tasha orders a big meal - at a whopping 8 euros (most. expensive. Mcdonalds. Ever). We play a few rounds of Connect Four - firstly me and Taeko then me and Sacha - I still am the undefeated champion of Connect Four...

Because of Taeko's motion sickness - she originally wanted Sacha and I to catch a Gondola and she would take a photo. I think Taeko is living in a fantasy world where Gondola rides don't cost 60-90 euros an hour. Sacha and I thought it was best if we took the Vaporetto option (eg: public ferry) which was 6 euros a ticket.I take LP's advice and catch a number 1 ferry (all stops down the grand canal) and get on at the back. We took some good photos - well Sacha did - my camera's battery died on me. Towards the end of the trip - Sacha and I sit down on some seats and watch the sunset from the back of a boat in Venice... how romantic... vomit.

We get off at Santa Lucica and make our way back to Rialto - where Taeko said she would meet us. Sacha wanted to have somewhere nice for dinner (what's wrong with Brek!) so we chose a touristy restaurant along the grand canal called Restaurant Florida. It was about 20 euros each for a pasta dish and a glass of wine (and 12% service charge) - it wasn't fantastic food and I got burnt alive by a nearby overzealous heater.

We head back to the train station where I get Ant a cheesy Catholic Priests of 2008 calander (grrrrr....) and of course - we get terribly lost on our way back and end up in the completely wrong area. We arrived at some big giant carpark - it sort of reminded me of a theme park carpark - where everything isn't real in the theme park and then you head to the carpark... sort of like Venice.

I say goodbye to Tasha - agreeing to meet at Mestre station tomorrow for a day trip to nearby Padua (or Podova as the locals call it). I get on the right regular train this time and head back to the hotel after a busy day sightseeing.

1st Day in Venice

Just trying to outdo my effort on the previous day - I wake up at 1:30am and don't get back to sleep until 4:30am. Yeh!

I don't get out of bed until 9:30am - and I was feeling a bit cold and flu like. I text Sacha (who I was supposed to meet at the train station in Venice San Lucia (eg: not Mestre) at 10am and head down for a breakfast at the hotel restaurant. The breakfast at Delfino was similar to the Olympia breakfast - only with better cereal and coffee.... (sucked in Mum@!).

I head down to Mestre where, according to LP, there are heaps of buses from the station to the island - but I couldn't find any. I give Sacha a text because I had forgotten what the main train station at Venice is called (because he had my LP dammit!!). He texted me back saying "Venice Santa Lucia". I went to informaation at the train station and they said the best way to get there was via a regular train and there was one leaving in the next 5 minutes. I quickly buy a 2 euro train fare and then I'm on my way to Santa Lucia. Venice Island is connected to the mainland via a long highway/train tracks - and the ride only takes 10 minutes by train.

When I get off at Santa Lucia - the station is absolutely packed. It was a Sunday - and there were all these people wearing peculiar masks and costumes... It was all very Eyes Wide Shut - and I was wondering where the secret underground sex party was at.

I soon discover that it isn't a Eyes Wide Shut-esque underground sex party - rather carnevale was on. I was a little bit shocked that it was on because I thought the festival was a little later on (eg: in Feb) - but this explains why it was so hard booking accommodation and why it was so expensive.

I wait for about 10 minutes at the ticket office (where Tasha and I agreed to meet) - but they were a no show so I text them again to hurry up. They text me back saying that they would be another 15 mins. I popped outside the station - which is right on the "shores" of the grand canal through Venice. It was all looking very touristy - but a lot of the tourists looked Italian - perhaps because it was carnevale and a lot of locals come down to Venice to play "Eyes Wide Shut" dress up games.

Tasha arrives at the station - and Taeko (who has a smaller bladder than I do) has to go to a toilet. We found a 75 cent toilet for her to use at the station - but there was a line out of the door. While Sacha and I wait for Taeko - we concoct a plan to head to the "event of the day" for Carnevale which was at San Marco Piazza (on the other side of the island).



After Taeko finishes doing her business - we make our way in the general direction of San Marco. There are heaps of vauge signs all over the place directing tourists to particular sites including the Rialto and San Marco - so we just follow the San Marco ones. There were heaps of tourist stalls selling gimicky stuff - including aprons and boxer shorts with large penises on them - klassy with a "k". They were also selling lots of cheap and nasty Carnevale stuff including plastic masks and "don't stand near a naked flame" capes. You could easily pick the foreign tourists out from the die-hard locals - the cheap costumes just don't compare to some of the more elaborate stuff.

Once you get away from the main bit of Santa Lucia trainstation - Venice becomes a lot quieter and peaceful. It was all very kodak momenty - but not so pleasant on the nose (think dodgy sewerage smell from asia - and you are pretty much there).

It took us an hour to get to San Marco Piazza and it was totally packed. I had been warned by LP that the number of pigeons outnumber the people in San Marco - but that was defintely not the case today. There was a big stage to one end of the Piazza (set up specifically for Carnevale) and the famous San Marco Basilica (or Church) on the other side. There were heaps of people in costumes posing for the tourists. They weren't asking for money or anything - rather I think they just like the attention.

Deciding that we wanted to escape the crowds - Tasha and I head for a nearby district of La Accademia - which has heaps of galleries and stuff. We were following all of the little yellow signs and found it easy to get lost as this place is just so complicated. We had lunch at a little hole in the wall pizzaria and it was about 5 euros for 2 slices which ain't half bad (I was expecting Venice to be hella expensive).

Whilst we were eating - Taeko was obsessed with all of the black guys selling knock-off gucci handbags. She was wondering if they make any money. But watching them for about 10 minutes - one guy made at least 3 sales.

Getting a bit bored - Sacha and I come up with a game that we invade other people's pictures (eg: walk behind all of the posing costumed venetians whilst other people take pictures). I also had Sacha take my picture whilst I poled danced on a large flag pole...

Before we got to the Accademia art gallery - I forked out 1 euro cause I was busting for the toilet. Most. Expensive. Toilet. Ever. and not the cleanest either...

We forked out another 10 euros for entrance into the gallery - which specialises in old Venetian art... which is code for lots of jesus pictures... Once you see a few jesus pictures - you pretty much have seen them all - but there was a temporary exhibit on Titian which was pretty good and worth the admission. There was also an interesting exhibit with x-ray pictures showing how he developed and changed some of his work.

On our way back to San Marco - there was this closed shop that had some interesting mannequins in the store window. There were several transvestite mannequins with breasts and fishnets - including an Osama Bin Ladin drag queen. There was also a mannequin dressed in a sparkingly thong speedo with "Kill Me 2008" written on it. Also we come across a Burger King - where Taeko cheers and gives Sacha a "high-5".

From there - we make our way back to the train station. We find a t-shrit shop which had all sorts of korny (with a "K") t-shirts including a Mister Tea t-shirt (eg: Mr T drinking tea) and a Jesus dressed as Luke Skywalker with a crucifix light sabre t-shirt. I bought a "Elliot from ET flying in his bike with an Alien (eg: Alien vs Predator) sitting in the basket" t-shirt and Sacha bought a "naked jesus getting carried away by police" t-shirt as you do.

We also find a cheap internet cafe where I quickly check my email. Wotif confirmed the cancellation of the last night - and that they would refund me 55 euros out of the 70. Thanks Ant!

When we got back to Santa Lucia - we found a cheap self-service restaurant called Brek (which was in LP). It is sort of like a cross between an Italian sizzler and McDonalds - where you can get them to cook you a pasta, steak or pizza dish in front of you - and you can help yourself to some salad and drinks. It was really cheap - 10 euros for a lasagne, salad and a beer. At the restaurant - I notice that my sunnies are missing (weren't in my pocket or my bag) - and I realised that I must have either left them at the internet or t-shirt shop... but it was a bit too late to go back (everything had closed by then) - and I probably oouldn't remember the way back there - even if I tried. D'oh!... Although I was thinking about getting a new pair - so now I have an excuse...

I head back to Mestre alone (Tasha paid 7 euros for a transfer to Venice from their hotel - because it is in the middle of nowhere - that's what 50 euros a night gets for you in Venice@!). I get a 1 euro ticket (it was strangely cheaper than getting the ticket in the morning) and accidently get on the wrong train... Although it was going to Mestre - it was a Eurocity class train (eg: more expensive) - and despite the trip being only 10 minutes. The conductor caught me and a girl trying to do the same thing. I used the "I don't speak Italian and look at him blankly" trick - and it seemed to do the work. I got off with no hassles. I'm sure they get a lot of people doing the same thing.

Leaving Selva for Venice

Story of this holiday - I wake up at the unholy hour of 2am and didn't get back to sleep until 5:30am. Because this was our last day in Selva and we had to catch a bus at 8:40am - it didn't give me much of a chance to get more sleep. My mum had a similar deal - she woke up at 4:30am.

It was fairly easy for me to pack (I basically live out of a suitcase when I travel - all I have to do to pack is just zip the bag). My mum knocks at more door to check if I'm awake - the irony.

We have our last breakfast at the hotel restaurant - when we say goodbye to Borat and Kindergarten Cop. Mum, Dad and Taeko were very embarassing - they were trying to pilfer as much breakfast food as they could into their pockets so they didn't need to buy any lunch on the train. Cheap skates...

While we were waiting for the bus - there were a couple of idiot Italian drivers reversing into each and doing a bit of road rage (eg: get out of the car and swear). The bus arrived on time - and we had no hassles. Mysteriously - the bus fare dropped from 5.50 Euros to only 5...

A bit more than an hour later - we said goodbye to my parents - who were on their way to Vienna (I seem to recall Ant and I deciding not to go there on our last trip and go to Krakow instead - I don't have any regrets). Tasha and I were heading on to Venice for five nights. We were originally going to book an apartment so we could share - but after doing rudimentary searches on the internet - neither myself nor Tasha could afford it. I had booked into a single room at the Hotel Delfino and forked out 70 Euros a night (which is heaps for me - especially when I'm the only one paying it!) and emailed Tasha the address and suggested that he book there too. I never got any response from him (his excuse was that the internet was too expensive - and I would agree with that) and he booked themselves into another hotel in a totally different location for 50 euros a night.... or so the story goes.

Anyhows - at Bolzano - Tasha were keen on seeing the Ice Man museum (there was a body found back in the 70s in the area of a frozen man) and were trying to find a left luggage service. It was kind of them to leave me on the platform with all of their bags for 15 minutes with a severe wind-chill and me having a lack of warm clothes on. Sacha finally reappeared saying that there was a left luggage at the nearby bus station - so we all traipsed over to the bus station with all of our crap. The baggage service was 3.50 euros per bag - but it almost cost Sacha his wallet. He has the uncanny knack of leaving things behind including wallets at old Woden cinemas - and he was on fine form leaving his wallet on the windowsill. I noticed it and promptly asked Sacha to pick it up.

We wandered into town in the vague direction of the museum (we were only working off a map which was on the Ice Man Museum brocher - which was in the shape of an ice pick). Bolzano (or Bozen - as the german speaking natives call it) is fairly pretty - with snowcapped mountains nearby and cobblestoned roads.

After about 20 minutes (and some dodgy orienteering skills provided by me) - we finally made it to the Ice Man Museum (can't exactly remember what it was called)... It was 10 euros to get in and to my horror - everything on the first floor was in Italian and German... Thankfully - on the second floor (the floor with the ice man mummy) - things had been translated into Engrish. The Ice Man himself was in a dark room - there was a small porthole window from the museum where you could have a look. He sort of looked like a big beef jerky - all rubbery looking. According to the museum - he was an old man for his time (mid 40s) and had a violent death with an arrow stabbing on his shoulder or something... kewl. Some of his clothes that had been preserved were on display as well.

On the next floor - everything was back to normal (eg: no Engrish translation) - but on the top floor - there was an interesting exhibit on Tattos and Body Art which was in Engrish. They had a couple of videos showing a pacific islander getting a traditional tatto. Of interest - one of the tatto artists was wearing a vintage Raiders top from the 1980s. Sacha thought it could have been Noa Nandruku (famous for punching out two women outside the now defunct South Pacific Rugby Club in Civic). There was another video of a Papua New Guinea tribe practicing a brutual scarring ceremony. Of interest - there were lots of errect penises - which seem to bemuse Tasha. At the end of the tatto exhibit - there was a glass wall where you could write your comments with a magic marker. I got to work and wrote a couple of Jonah "dicktation" tags - whilst Taeko drew some bizzare random things including a dog doing a poo. I then drew a picture of someone licking the excrement. Choice.

We had lunch at a nearby pizza shack - I thought I was going to order two slices with a particular meal - but it was pretty much 3/4's of a big Italy pizza (which made me feel a bit queasy afterwards).

We head back to the bus station - pick up our bags and then buy some train tickets to Venice Mestre station which were slightly cheaper than the ones I had bought coming up here. Must have something to do with the type of train we were going on.

The train to Verona (we have to change there in order to get to Venice) was a total bum fight getting on. There were a stack of people trying to get off at Bolzano - but it was fairly obvious that they weren't organised.... which meant everyone (in true Italian style) was all very aggressive trying to get onto the train. The train was a little different than the one I had come to Bolzano on. It had individual compartments and felt a bit grotty.

About 1 and a half hours later - we arrived at Verona station. My mum had suggested that we go and see the stadium and the Romeo and Juilet balcony whilst we were passing through Verona - but Tasha and myself agreed that we would prefer to just get to Verona (after doing a bit of sight seeing at Bolzano). Taeko and I discover a McDonalds were I get a bottle of diet coke (I mean coke light here in Europe) and Taeko gets some icecreams for Tasha.

Because we had paid for our tickets separately - the crazy woman at the Bolzano train station had booked us in different compartments on the train from Verona to Venice. Getting out at Mestre train station - Taeko was a bit scared - mostly due to how sleazy everything is (but it ain't no New Plaza Guilin Hotel in China!). Tasha and I make our own separate ways to our respective hotels. Because I was just going to the same hotel as before - I had no problems finding it (if I did - I would probably seek medical help). I made a bit of a screw up with my booking this time - I had booked it over wotif.com and accidently added an extra night to the booking (was supposed to be checking out on 31 Jan - but I had booked it until 1 Feb). I explained my situtation to the front desk guy - who coldly said that I needed to go through the travel agent in order to change the booking. He was fairly frosty (was the same guy who checked me in last week) so I was feeling a bit pishy. However - I had a different room than that divey room I had a week ago. Hotel Delfino had signs up saying it was under refurbishment and apologies for any inconvience. I fortunately - was now staying in a bling bling refurbished room (which looks like the ones on its website). It had a really flash bathroom and a big big room - so I was pleased with it. I gave Ant a quick text asking him if he could call wotif to cancel the booking. I was pretty sure I would have to pay a 15 euro fee.

When I was unpacking my stuff - I noticed my Venice LP was missing - so I gave Sacha a text and ask him if he had seen it - to which he replied yes (thief!).

I head in the general direction of the La Barche shopping mall (the one with H&M there - I did a bit of research before leaving Australia and printed off the address of the H&M in Mestre). I didn't really have any troubles finding it - even without the map - but to my horror - the H&M at La Barche didn't have any male clothing. Only womens and childrens (childrens!!). Feeling a bit pisshy - I decide to explore the rest of the mall - but it was fairly small and only had a couple of other shops - one being Coin - an Italian department store that stocks pretty nasty clothing.

I head outside and explore a nearby piaza. It was kinda atmospheric - lots of people - some nice shops - a few markets... not too bad. Hell it was a lot better than the sleazy station.

For dinner - because I was getting sick of Italian - I decided to go chinese. I broke the first rule that Ant and I have about restaurants - don't go to a restaurant which isn't busy... This one didn't have anyone in it. I had ordered Chilli Pork - but it wasn't very spicy (story of Italy) and had some bizzare chilled red wine. I guess it was fairly cheap (11 euro) but not all that cheerful.

I walk back home to the hotel (it takes about 15 minutes by foot from La Barche) and enjoy a "Maxibon on a stick" ice-cream. With all the great galati in Italy - and I order a Maxibon on a stick.

Upon arrival at the hotel - there was a sea of Japanese tourists all checking in at once... Aggghh!

I watch a bit of TV and notice that the German MTV has been replaced with an Italy version here in Venice. It seems to play more clips - although every Italy clip seems to be some 50 year old Italian version of John Farnham. I watch this incredibly old bad gay looking cartoon from the 60s dubbed into Italian. It was a bunch of guys in skimpy outfits prancing around in the forrest together - only before inexplicably taking off in a phallic rocket ship.... I think they mentioned one of the character's names as being Rocket Robin - and low and behold - when I search it in google - I come up with a really gay looking picture... This is gayer than He-Man...

Last skiing day at Selva

To try and outdo myself - today I woke up at 2am... Yeh! However - I think I managed to go back to sleep around 4 and sleep in till 7:30am.

Taeko was having one of her off days today - so it was just myself, Sacha and my parents skiing today. There was a ski stealing incident overnight at our hotel. When we were putting our boots on in the drying room - one of the guests (the single woman - my parents were gossiping about other guests every night and breakfast at th restaurant) was walking around asking people if anyone had seen her skis. Later today - my mum meets up with her on a lift and she said that not only hers put several other skis were stolen overnight. Although the hotel has a combo (15-12-C if you wanted to know - they are all multiples of 3) - it didn't stop people stealing the skis. My dad thought that perhaps it could have been an inside job - who knows... Luckily my mum had put travel locks on our rental skis (although I wasn't really concerned about people stealing a bunch of rental skis) - but it would have been a total pain in the arse to replace them.

We head back over to Corvina. I was complaining for a bit about how uncomfortable my helmet was - so I just loosen it to the loosest setting. Sacha has a bunch of stickers on his - including the Summer Heights High Jonah's "Dicktation" tag. I have one of those stickers at home (it came with the DVD) - so it could finally come in handy when I want to pimp my helmet.

There were huge queues today on the gondolas - it is a bit of a pain getting out to Corvara from Selva as there a lots of boring "road runs" and painful lifts to catch in order to get there. I think it takes about 1 hour to get there.

We all have a coffee at a cafeteria where my parents finally discover how to order a long black in Italy. It is an americano (I think they think it is like that filtered coffee you get everywhere at the states).

We attempt to take mum down another black run - but she refues and goes down the red alternative. When Dad, Sacha and I get down to the bottom of the mountain - we notice that the red run doesn't finish at the same place. The black run takes you to the world's smallest train whereas the red run takes you to the world's smallest chair lift. However - we work out that these two meet at the same place - the bottom of the gondola - and we meet up again.

We had lunch at a fairly expesnive self service restaurant (didn't want to risk it with another non-self service restaurant again). Since it was late - they didn't have much on the menu and I ordered a "Pasta a la Piz Sorega". Piz Sorega isn't some type of Italian pasta sauce - it is named after the nearby lift and run...

Because it was getting on in the day - we all head back to Selva (where my mum sat on a chairlift with the single woman at the hotel who had her skis stolen). The queues getting back to Selva were pretty horrendous - I was glad that this was my last day here. We all split up on the last run - I managed to do some off piste skiing in a car park (accidently).

I head back to the ski hire shop and return my stuff. The old alcoholic Italian guy says "OK" in semi-broken english. I then head to the shops at Selva for one final time to pick up some supplies for our trip to Venice tomorrow. I also take some pictures of all of the statues of baby cheeses just to show it to Ant.

We have our final meal at the restaurant. I had some pasta for an entre which was nice - and a fairly boring "veal chop" (or schniztel) for a main - topped up with some Apple Strudel for desert. We were all going to miss Borat - our waiter... he truly was kind of unsettling in an eastern european sort of way. We also said goodbye to "Kindergarten Cop" - another waitress - who was a dead ringer for the actress who played the principle in Kindergarten Cop (that small freakish sort of woman - who also had roles in other dodgy movies like "If Looks Could Kill" and "She-Devil").

On the way out - Taeko and I notice a "Pope Magazine" - I do what any good Christian would do and steal it so I can take it home and show Ant....!

5th Day at Selva - PMT Time

I had a good sleep - an unusual event on this holiday.

At breakfast - mum recalls to us some disturbing details about a dream she had last night - she dreamt she was married to Rod Stewart and he said to her "just buy whatever you want!".... Vomit. I can't help but think of that South Park episode where they wheel Rod onto a stage in a wheelchair and he mumbles to his nurse "poopsies" and she wheels him off the stage and deals with his underpants accident.

As Tasha were doing their own thing today - Mum, Dad (I could shorten this to either "Mad" or "Dum"...). Because my mum had been domineering all of the previous days (lets do the Sellaronda! lets go to Corvara!) - I decided to take control and demand that we head back to Campintino (not sure of spelling) and ski around there and a few other places instead. Because I was wearing the pants - my mum started to have PMT and was in a bad mood. We headed down along the Sellaronda route (something that she had chosen a few days earlier) - and screamed at me "This run is SH#T" (her emphasis was on the SH#T). She could have done with some time in the "time out stool". She also was complaining that we were going "too far and would not be able to make it back to Selva"... I think we made it back to the hotel by 3pm... Plenty of time...

We had some lunch at a deserted cafeteria - well it didn't look deserted from the outside and there were 1000s of little brats screaming and carring on - but once inside - there was no one - including anyone to help you.

On our final run of the day - we accidently took mum on a black run. Admittedly - it was the hardest run that we had been on all holiday - but it was still no Kamikaze at Blue Cow. My mum's PMT picks up again and she does a dummy spit and falls down on purpose and demanded that my Dad walk 20m up the mountain and help her. Luckily for us - a stranger skis past my mum and offers to help her. My mum's mood suddenly changes and she gets up by herself and skis down the run... I don't think she was expecting that.

Although what I had ordered for dinner was not quite what I was expecting (for entre - Polenta - but it was like porridge - and for a main - Cheese Dumplings) - I think it was pretty tasty and outdid my mum's choice...