Getting the fudge out of Italy to Honkers

I wake up at 5am - somewhat better than my previous couple of days worth of effort - but still terrible by holiday standards.

I hate to admit it - but a couple of days ago when I was watching a Richard Quest show on CNN - he was OK... But now CNN have got him doing US Presidential campaign reporting - which just pished me off big time. Richard Quest - you are back in my Burn Book!@

My last day having an Italian breakfast at Hotel Delfino - and I finally learn my lesson and don't eat those bloody gross Italian crossiants! (you are going in my burn book too!).

I pack - and quickly head down to the "PAM" (eg: supermarket) which is situated just beneath my hotel. I grab a couple of bread roles and bananas (god I'm predictable) and get the "smiles completely optional" check out chick who make French people look like the stewardesses from Singapore Airlines. I can't wait to get away from this terrible service! Burn book!

I check out and leave my bags at reception (as I had a bit of time to kill before my flight to Hong Kong via London Gatwick via stewpid transfer bus to London Heathrow). I had a bit of a stroll around Mestre - which was kinda enjoyable - getting away from tourists - walking around local markets - seeing a bit more of what real Venice is like. I head back to La Barche (eg: the H&M mall which discriminates against male clothing) and have a bit of a browse in the overpriced (and then some) CD and DVD shop. I was getting a bit of a caffine headache - but I was too afraid to go into a cafe by myself and get a coffee. So I thought I might go to Brek (which was nearby). After getting there - I discover it was shut - not openning to 11:30am.

Getting a bit bored - I try and find an internet place (not the dodgy one that crashed on me a couple of days earlier) - but the only place I could find was a bit of a rip (20c per minute) so I go and collect my bags and head to the airport early.

I had no problems catching the bus (only had to wait a couple of minutes). Upon arrival at Marco Polo airport (aka Venice Airport) - I discover that there isn't a BA check-in counter open at the airport yet - so I couldn't check in. Marco Polo is full of "no-brand" check in counters - eg they pimp them out to airlines in no particular order. There was a big screen displaying what check in counters you should use - but my flight wasn't showing yet.

I waited around for about 1 hour and a half. I got chatting with a girl from Melbourne who had been studying art in her uni holiday in Vienna. She said I was the first person she'd met who was living in Canberra (the honour is all mine). When the check-in counter finally opened - it was a bit like a Pantera rock show mixed with Italian service. There were two check in staff present for about 1 minute (including one who was behind an "BA Bag Drop Off only" sign despite the fact that there were no automatic ticket machines to use - so there was literally no way you could just drop your bag off. The line started to get a bit messy (damn those Italian lack of queues) and I had to fend off people trying to push in. After about 10 minutes - the two staff materialised again and started to serve people. I give them my usual sob story - "could I get exit rows please" - and they give the usual response - "computer says no!". Burn book BA check in beetches! There was also this really annoying rich beetch Aussie family who had some out of control 8 year olds - one called "Harrison" (my god that is a bad name!). The mum kept going "Harrison! Harrison! Don't do that!". Jesus woman - stop feeding your kids M&Ms! Burn book for you stewpid Aussie family.

(If you haven't realised already - this is a burn book heavy day. And for those who haven't seen Mean Girls - I pity you).

I get thru airport security and attempt to get into the lounge. I gave Ant a text the previous day and asked him whether or not I could get into the lounge at Marco Polo Airport with my Qantas club card. He said it was doubtful (as it wasn't a BA lounge - which I could get into) - but I could give it a shot. It worked for us in Dubrovnik where we were let in even though we weren't supposed to be. I headed up to the lounge where I was greated by some Italian women chatting to each other instead of supposed to be serving people at the VIP lounge. When they finally broke away from their conversation and decided to serve me - she looked at my card and coldly said "we can't let you in with that card"... D'oh!

I head downstairs to the public (aka plebs) area and decide I'll try and spend the rest of my euros. The shops were pretty dire - but I saw a pizza deal for 7 euros where I could get rid of the rest of my coinage. I went up to the counter - where there was about four staff - all talking to one another. Although I'm 100% certain they knew I was there - they never tried to bother to serve me. I put up with this s##t for about 30 seconds before storming off... Burn book pizzaeria staff!

I instead buy a 2 euro gellato (which was the going rate everywhere else) which was neeecye and spent another 2.60 euros buying the most expensive pepsi light I've ever bought in my life (again with rudish service). When can I get the fudge out of this country! Burn book!

I make my way thru immigration (Marco Polo is a sort of part-domestic / part-international airport and I was hanging around the domestic bit) and get on the BA flight to Gatwick.

The annoying Aussie family made a bit of a vengeful return - when they were pissfarting around trying to get onto the plane. The mother then couldn't find her passport - I couldnt't keep the grin off my face. Unfortunately - 5 minutes later - she found the passport (it was on the seat in front of me). Her kids were absolute terrors - espeically Harrison. He had ADD - probably because he was named "Harrison". There was another one perpectually holding a sick bag and the others were egging him to spew all over the plane. Burn book...

After we took off - the flight was alright - I had a bit of sleep which was a promising sign. Also my bags were first of the carosel - things are finally looking milhouse today.

I made my way to the most expensive bus shuttle service in the world (the Gatwick-Heathrow "express") - at 17 pounds a pop (that's the discounted price!) it is pretty outrageous.

Things weren't looking so Milhouse for the first 20 minutes of the trip. The bus was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic... and the signs were saying 37km to Heathrow. I was thinking - damn I could miss my flight. Thankfully - it was just a bit of road maintenance - and the traffic flowed well after it and I made it to Heathrow in plenty of time.

Heathrow Airport (like Marco Polo) was also a bit like a Pantera Rock Show. There were masses of people everywhere and it was all very chaotic. I head over to a BA counter - where I'm greated by a door beetch who was checking to see if people had printed their boarding passes at the self-service machines. She scanned over my boarding pass (which I got at Venice) and said - you are too early to board (it was about 4 hours before my flight). I started to question her saying - "I had "checked in" 10 hours before my flight at Gatwick - why is this any different" - to which she replied "we don't open check in until 3 hours before boarding". I say to her that "I have a Qantas Club Membership and I can't use the club until I go thru security... what can I do in the meantime?". She replied "you can go and have a coffee at those restaurants over there...". I stormed off saying (these are my exact words) - "This is f####ng ridiculous!".

I move straight to another check in counter - this time without a door bitch. I try the "sweet and innocent" routine this time - and she says "you can't check in 3 hours before the flight but I'll give someone a call". She then proceeded to call someone. 2 minutes after the call - she then said - you need to wait until 3 hours before the flight before you check in (despite the person she called - not calling her back). I start firing up again - saying that I have club access and I've already checked in at Venice and that I shouldn't have to wait here with my bags.... but to no avail - they wouldn't check me in.

I storm off again - this time - noticing their competitors' check ins don't have the same stewpid restrictions. I'm feeling fairly pissy overall at BA - with their one bag policy, and their "you can't check in 3 hours before the departure time" policy. I text Ant saying what had happened and how pished off I am. When I get back to home - I think I might write a letter to Qantas saying that I wasn't very happy with my experience with BA. It's a very "computer says no" sort of attitude where they have these polices and they never exercise any flexibility. BURN BOOK!!!!

So - I had to hang around for about 45 minutes (this was about 6pm Venice time - and I had arrived at Venice Airport around 11am - so I was feeling really tired and hadn't really gone very far). When I do check in - I make sure I don't go to the counters operated by the previous staff members.

Getting through Heathrow security was yet another Pantera Rockshow (if you don't know why I keep referencing Pantera rock shows is because at a Pantera rock show once - a crazed fan shot dead the drummer - eg: something that is out of control).

When I finally make it to the BA lounge - it is totally packed. I was really keen on writing some of the blog (because I was so far behind) but apparently - Heathrow was struck by some bad storms that day and there were plenty of delayed and cancelled flights - hence the lounge was busier than usual. (And before you start saying - Nick - you are being unreasonable with your hatred of BA's 3 hour check-in policy - well - that is a permanent policy and had nothing to do with the bad weather at heathrow)... Grrr..

The flight to Hong Kong (which left around 10pm - so this was a really long day for me) was chockers. I had two girls sitting next to me (which I thought was a bit strange considering they like to sit you next to people of your own gender so there is no sexy harrassment). I get a bit of sleep during the flight - and do some shocking snoring performances which would have made Ant cringe. I also watch a couple of movies including Blood Diamond (which was trying to be both a political thriller and a run-of-the-mill action film - but sort of was just all mediorce), the Simpsons Movie (this time when I fell asleep in it - I paused it - unlike when I saw it at Hoyts - but again - it was fairly mediorce) and the Ice Storm (which was an oldie but a goodie).

When I had originally booked my flights - I thought I might try something different and order "Diet meals" - but when they changed my flights to europe (via South Africa) - they had lost the Diet Meal request. However - I still had the diet meals on my way to HK. It felt a bit weird getting served your meal first (like you were some sort of freak). The dinner was fairly god-awfully bland - but the breakfast was alright - although I'm not sure how low-fat it was (it had fatty bacon in it).

I arrived at Hong Kong Airport around 6pm HK time (we were delayed a bit getting out of Heathrow due to the traffic). Because I know getting around HK like the back of my hand (been here a couple of times before including once by myself) - I knew to buy the airport express to Tsing Yi (pronounced "Chingyi") instead of Kowloon or Hong Kong (cause it is way cheaper) - then catch the MRT the rest of the way. I had no problems - although I noticed that there was a Disneyland Resort on the MRT system now... Yay!

I was staying at the Evergreen Hotel at Jordan (on the mainland at Kowloon). I had stayed there before with Ant a couple of years ago - and had no problem following the instructions it had on its website to find it. I check in and get a non-smoking double room (unlike when Ant and I checked in last time and got a smoking twin room).... I have a shower (because I was reeking!) and head outside for some (shame) Yoshinoya for dinner. I ahve a wander around Kowloon and discover that the HMV (which we did a bit of shopping at last time in HK) had moved to a somewhat smaller shop. I have a bit of a browse but didn't buy anything - when I finally head back to the hotel and do some "Super Happy Fun Laundry Time!" and watch some stewpid movie with Kevin Bacon about an invisible man. The TV here is a bit funny - all of those crazy zany asian ads have english subtitles - so you can vaguely understand what they are all about.